60 Lily Allen – 22

60 Lily Allen – 22

The number of brain cells behind those brain-dead eyes?

Click here for the video

48 (46) Lady Gaga – Just Dance

Mediocre pop.

Click here for the video

39 (34) Calvin Harris – I’m Not Alone

Takes a while before it really gets going and even then it sounds rather derivative. I can’t work out why it’s No.1

Click here for the video

28 (26) Tinchy Stryder & N-Dubz – Number 1

Well, that was well-timed! Quite a catchy tune, too. Not really worthy of the top slot though.

Click here for the video

27 (25) Pixie Lott – Mama Do

This month’s “New big thing”. Not something I could care much about, though.

Click here to listen to the song. It’s not the video, because that’s been blocked by the Youtube bastards

24 (22) Lady Gaga – Poker Face

I’d probably poker in the face, but I wouldn’t choose to listen to this tedious excuse for music.

Note that the video link below goes via Youtubeproxy.com so you’ll be able to view the video from within the UK.

Click here for the video

21 (20) Dizzee Rascal Feat. Armand Van Helden – Bonkers

Well, the song itself was tedious, but I came across this, obviously wrongly-credited, track and it cracks me up! It’s lazy as hell, but funny all the same.

And why are they singing about ‘knickers’? 😉

Click here for the video

14 John Barrowman – I Made It Through The Rain

Yep, golden rain, no doubt(!)

Click here to hear the song

13 (13) Black Eyed Peas – Boom Boom Pow

Boom Boom Pow? More like Zzzz Zzzz Snore!

Click here for the video

9 (6) David Guetta/Kelly Rowland: When Love Takes Over

Zzzz… how did this get to No.1?

Click here to listen to the song. It’s not the video

7 (5) La Roux: Bulletproof

Managing to knock any chance of Michael Jackson hitting the top slot into a cocked hat, this single actually comesfrom the daughter of Trudie Goodwin, aka Sgt June Ackland in The Bill.

The song itself is pretty good, actually. However, for that haircut she should be nicked!

Click here to see the video

3 (2) Cascada: Evacuate The Dancefloor

I’d rather evacuate my bowels than listen to this.

Click here to see the video

2 (1) JLS: Beat Again

Pop music by numbers.

Click here to see the video

1 (3) Black Eyed Peas – I Gotta Feeling *1st week at No.1*

Hmm… starts off tedious and repetitive… and just gets worse from there.

“Let’s do it, let’s do it, let’s do it, do it, do it.” No, let’s not.

Click here to see the video

New releases :All the new releases info comes courtesy ofHaven Forum.co.uk

Girls Can’t Catch:
Keep Your Head Up

August 3rd:

Absent Elk – Emily
Alela Diane – To Be Still
Alina – When You Leave (Numa Numa)
Antony And The Johnsons – Aeon / Crazy In Love (12”)
Beyonce – Sweet Dreams
The Blackout – Save Our Selves
Charlotte Hatherley – White (7”) [Limited]
Eminem – Beautiful
Girls Can’t Catch – Keep Your Head Up
Humanzi – Bass Balls
ItaloBrothers – Stamp On The Ground
James Yorkston & The Big Eye Family Players – Martinmas Time (7”)
Madness – Sugar And Spice
Malcolm Middleton – Zero
Mr Dan & Sparks – Body Slam
Peter Doherty – Broken Love Song (7”)
Pink – Funhouse
Raygun – Just Because
Red Light Company – Meccano
Simian Mobile Disco – Audacity Of Huge (7”+12”)
Stone Roses – One Love (7”)[Limited]
Tinchy Stryder feat Amelle Berrabah – Never Leave You
The XX – Basic Space

August 10th:

Athlete – Superhuman Touch
Black Eyed Peas – I Gotta Feeling
Bleech – The Worthing Song
Bloc Party – One More Chance
Booty Luv – Say It
Calvin Harris feat Mary Pearce – Ready For The Weekend
Elliot Minor – Solaris
Flo Rida feat Nelly Furtado – Jump
Florence Rawlings – The Only Woman In The World
The Killers – A Dustland Fairy Tale (7”)
Kristinia DeBarge – Goodbye
Paolo Nutini – Coming Up Easy
Peter Andre – Behind Closed Doors
Preston – Dressed To Kill
Sean Paul – So Fine
Soulsavers – Sunrise (7”)
Steve Appleton – City Won’t Sleep
Team Waterpolo – Letting Go
The Troubadours – Gimme Love
Zarif – Over

August 17th:

Arctic Monkeys – Crying Lightning
Biffy Clyro – That Golden Rule [Thu 20th]
Bob Dylan – Jolene
Carolina Liar – I’m Not Over
Daniel Merriweather – Impossible
Enter Shikari – No Sleep Tonight
Esmee Denters – Outta Here
Hockey – Song Away
Jonas Brothers – Fly With Me
Just Jack – The Day I Died
Kasabian – Where Did All The Love Go?
King Creosote – No-One Had It Better
Little Boots – Remedy
Mariah Carey – Obsessed
Mike Snow – Animal
Oxide – You Know
Sean Kingston – Fire Burning
Sliimy – Wake Up
Tommy Sparks – Miracle
U2 – I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight
Ultrabeat – Starry Eyed Girl
The Used – Blood On My Hands

August 24th:

Air – Sing Sang Sung
Airborne Toxic Event – Sometime Around Midnight
Erik Hassle – Don’t Bring Flowers
Fonzerelli – Dreamin’ (Of A Hot Summers Night)
Jamie T – Chaka Demus
Kelly Clarkson – Already Gone
Lily Allen – 22
Lunik – Preparing To Leave
Noah & The Whale – Blue Skies
Noisettes – Every Now And Then
Passion Pit – To Kingdom Come
Remi Nicole – Standing Tears Apart
Sharam feat Kid Cudi – She Came Along
Taio Cruz – Break Your Heart
Taylor Swift – You Belong With Me
TI feat Mary J Blige – Remember Me

August 31st:

Amerie – Why R U
Asher Roth – She Don’t Wanna Man
Billy Talent – Devil On My Shoulder
BWO feat Velvet – Right Here Right Now
Cribs – Cheat On Me
Dizzee Rascal & Calvin Harris – Holiday
Dolly Rockers – Gold Digger
The Dream feat Kanye West – Walking On The Moon
Gossip – Love Long Distance
The Hot Melts – Red Lips
Lenka – Trouble Is A Friend
Pixie Lott – Boys And Girls
Prodigy – Take Me To The Hospital
Sugababes – Get Sexy
The Yeah You’s – Getting Up With You
Zero 7 – Medicine Man

Sept 7th:

3OH!3 – Starstruck
Bananarama – Love Comes
Basement Jaxx – Feeling’s Gone
Beverley Knight – Beautiful Night
Colbie Caillat – Fallin’ For You
David Gray – Fugitive
Florence & The Machine – Dumming Song
Jazmine Sullivan – Bust Your Windows
Lethal Bizzle – Going Out Tonight
Mika – We Are Golden
Paloma Faith – New York
Placebo – The Never-Ending Why

Sept 14th:

Animal Kingdom – Silence Summons You
Basshunter – Every Morning
Chipmunk – Oopsy Daisy
Cliff Richard & The Shadows – Singing The Blues
Dodos – Fables (7”)
Jade Ewen – My Man
Jay-Z – D.O.A (Death Of Auto-Tune)
Maps – I Dream Of Crystal

Coming soon:

Agnes – On And On
Alan Connor vs Mike Melange – I Love The Sunshine
Alcazar – Burning
Alex Roots – Don’t Stop Looking [Jul]
Annie – My Love Is Better
Asher Roth feat Cee-Lo – Be By Myself
Backstreet Boys – Soldier Down
Bad Lieutenant – Sink Or Swim [21st Sep]
Bandito – Rockin’ At The Disco
Basic Element – Touch You Right Now
Blackout Crew – Dialled
Bob Sinclar feat Sugarhill Gang – Lala Song
Busta Rhymes – World Go Round
Butch Walker feat Pink – Here Come The…(EP) [Sep]
Chris Cornell – Long Gone
Cutback feat Federal – Rock To The Rhythm
Daniela – Push It Up
Detachments – Circles
Elin Lanto – Discotheque
Erasure – Phantom Bride [12th Oct]
Example – Girl Can’t Dance [Jun]
Fragma – Memory
The Fray – Never Say Never
Gathania – Blame It On You
Gurrumul – Wiyathul
Hollywood Undead – Young
Ian Carey Project – Get Shaky
Imogen Heap – First Train Home [Sep]
Industry – Don’t Let Me Go [Aug]
Jack Savoretti – Map Of The World
James Morrison – Nothing Ever Hurt Like You
Janelle Monae – Many Moons
Jenny Jones – Don’t Walk Away
Jeremih – Birthday Sex [21st Sep]
Johnny Bennett – Sailboat
Julian Velard – Love Again For The First Time
Kish Mauve – Matthew
La Roux – I’m Not Your Toy
Laura And The Tears – Love Live On!
Lionel Richie – Forever
Lisa Mitchell – Neopolitan Dreams
Livvi Franc – Now I’m That Bitch [21st Sep]
Liz McClarnon feat Jaime Jay & Blaaze – Lately
Lonnie Gordon – Catch You Baby
M Ward – Rave On [Jun]
Magistrates – Goldlover [5th Oct]
Mica Paris – Baby Come Back Now
Mutya Buena & Ultra – Fallin’ [Jul]
Natalie Imbruglia – tba [Nov]
Naturi Naughton – Fame [Sep]
Ne-Yo – Part Of The List
Paramore – Ignorance
Pixie Lott – Cry Me Out [Nov]
PJ Harvey & John Parish – Leaving California (7”)
Platnum – Trippin’
Pussycat Dolls – Hush Hush Hush Hush
Regina Spektor – Laughing With
Shakira – She Wolf [21st Sep]
Shontelle feat Akon – Stuck With Each Other
Slipknot – Sulfur
The Streets – The Edge Of A Cliff
Swingfly – Singing That Melody
Tina Cousins – Sex On Fire
TV On The Radio – Crying
Twiggy Frostbite – Heroes
Urbnri feat Shaun Ryder – Georgy Best
The Veils – Three Sisters
The Veronicas – 4Ever [21st Sep]
Wamdue Project feat Jonathan Mendleson – Forgiveness
Whitney Houston – I Didn’t Know My Strength
Wilco – Wilco (The Song)
Will & The People – Weirdos [Sep]
Young Soul Rebels – I Got Soul [Aug]

Top 75 ALBUM chart analysis :

This week there are new entries for :
• 5 A-ha – Foot Of The Mountain
• 13 Alison Krauss – The Essential Alison Krauss
• 19 Reverend & The Makers – A French Kiss In The Chaos
• 75 Original London Cast – Sister Act

The top 10 goes like this :
• 1 Michael Jackson – The Essential
• 2 Florence & The Machine – Lungs
• 3 Black Eyed Peas – The E.N.D.
• 4 Paolo Nutini – Sunny Side Up
• 5 A-ha – Foot Of The Mountain
• 6 Lady Gaga – The Fame
• 7 La Roux – La Roux
• 8 Michael Jackson & Jackson Five – The Motown Years
• 9 Kasabian – West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum
• 10 Noisettes – Wild Young Hearts

New releases :All the new releases info comes courtesy ofHaven Forum.co.uk

August 3rd:

Amanda Blank – I Love You
Beverley Craven – Close To Home
Frankmusik – Complete Me
Julian Plenti – Is…Skyscraper
Lemonade – Lemonade
MSTRKRFT – Fist Of God
Polarkreis 18 – The Colour of Snow
The Twang – Jewellery Quarter
Ultrabeat – Discolights
Wild Beasts – Two Dancers

August 10th:

Absent Elk – Absent Elk
James Yorkston & The Big Eye Family Players – Folk Songs
Robert Cray – This Time
Soulsavers – Broken
Team Waterpolo – Team Waterpolo
The Temper Trap – Conditions
Tommy Sparks – Tommy Sparks

August 17th:

Athlete – Black Swan
Calvin Harris – Ready For The Weekend
The Cave Singers – Welcome Joy
The Dream – Love vs Money
Fields – Hollow Mountains
The Fiery Furnaces – I’m Going Away
Jay Reatard – Watch Me Fall
Kristinia DeBarge – Exposed
Richmond Fontaine – We Used To Think The Freeway Sounded Like A River
Rufus Wainwright – Milwaukee At Last
Sean Paul – Imperial Blaze
Simian Mobile Disco – Temporary Pleasure
Squarepusher – Electric Solo Bass 1
Tinchy Stryder – Catch 22
The Troubadours – The Troubadours
The XX – XX
Woodstock 40

August 24th:

Arctic Monkeys – Humbug
Brendan Benson – My Old Familiar Friend
Carolina Liar – Coming To Terms
David Guetta – One Love
Dolores O’Riordan – No Baggage
Esmee Denters – Outta Here
The Fall – Last Night At The Palais
Felix Da Housecat – He Was King
Hockey – Mind Chaos
Imogen Heap – Ellipse
Just Jack – All Night Cinema
Kid Cudi – Man On The Moon: The End Of Day
Mariah Carey – Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel
Matisyahu – Light
Mew – No More Stories
Mos Def – The Ecstatic
Mum – Sing Along To Songs You Don’t Know
Preston – Whatever Forever
Sean Kingston – Tomorrow
Steve Appleton – When The Sun Comes Up
The Soundtrack Of Our Lives – Communion
Vagabond – You Don’t Know The Half Of It
Willie Nelson – American Classic

August 31st:

Black Crowes – Before The Frost…Until The Freeze
Dodos – Time To Die
Hope Sandoval And The Warm Inventions – Through The Devil Softly
Inme – Herald Moth
Julian Perretta – Out Of My Head
Juliette Lewis & The New Romantiques – Terra Incognita
Megadeth – Endgame
Noah & The Whale – The First Days Of Spring
Remi Nicole – Cupid Shoot Me
Robin Guthrie – Carousel
Shena – One Man Woman
Tommy Reilly – Words On The Floor
The Used – Artwork
Voluntary Butler Scheme – At Breakfast Dinner Tea
Whitney Houston – I Look To You
The Wildhearts – Chutzpah!

Sept 7th:

Amerie – In Love & War
Boys Like Girls – Love Drunk
The Cribs – Ignore The Ignorant
Dawn Landes – Sweet Heart Rodeo
The Hot Melts – The Hot Melts
Jamie T – Kings And Queens
Jet – Shaka Rock
Lil Wayne – Rebirth
Matt Bianco – Hifi Bossanova
Only Men Aloud – Album 2
Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson – Break Up
Peter Andre – Ordinary Man
Pixie Lott – Turn It Up
Prefab Sprout – Let’s Change The World With Music
Rodrigo Y Gabriela – 11:11
Taken By Trees – East Of Eden
Turin Brakes – Best Of
The Yeah You’s – Looking Through You
Yo La Tengo – Popular Songs
Zero 7 – Yeah Ghost

Sept 14th:

All Angels – Fly Away
Bananarama – Viva!
Beastie Boys – Hot Sauce Committee Part 1
Beverley Knight – 100%
The Big Pink – A Brief History Of Love
Colbie Caillat – Breakthrough
David Gray – Draw The Line
The Flaming Lips – Embryonic
Frank Turner – Poetry Of The Deed
Mark Knopfler – Get Lucky
Muse – The Resistance
Pere Ubu – Long Live Pere Ubu
Sharam – Get Wild
Tyondai Braxton – Central Market

Coming soon:

1 Giant Leap – What About Me?
3OH!3 – Want [21st Sep]
30 Seconds To Mars – This Is War
50 Cent – Before I Self Destruct [Aug/Sep]
Ace Of Base – tba
Aerosmith – tba
Air – Love 2 [Oct]
Alberta Cross – Broken Side Of Time [21st Sep]
Alex Roots – Adrenaline Rush
Alexandra Burke – tba
Alice In Chains – Black Gives Way To Blues [28th Sep]
Alison Moyet – Best Of [Oct]
Andre 3000 – tba
Andrew Bain – Presents Modern Classics
Annie – Don’t Stop [Sep]
Annuals – Such Fun
Anti-Pop Consortium – Fluorescent Black [Sep]
Asteroids Galaxy Tour – tba
Audio Bullys – Sunday Night Fever
Ava Leigh – Rollin’
Avril Lavigne – tba
Backstreet Boys – This Is Us
Bad Lieutenant – Never Cry Another Tear [5th Oct]
Barbra Streisand – Love Is The Answer [28th Sep]
Basement Jaxx – Scars [21st Sep]
Basshunter – Bass Generation [Sep]
Biffy Clyro – tba [Oct]
Big Boi – Sir Luscious Left Foot… Son Of Chico Dusty
Blake – III [12th Oct]
Blondie – tba
Boom Bip – tba
Brett Anderson – Slow Attack
Butch Walker – Sycamore Meadows [5th Oct]
BWO – Big Science [14th Sep]
Cajun Dance Party – tba
Captain – Distraction
Cassie – tba
Cat Power – Sun
Charlotte Hatherley – New Worlds [19th Oct]
Cherri V – Fast Cars Silk Sheets and Favourite Guys
Cheryl Cole – tba
Chilli Gold – Waterfalls
Chipmunk – I Am Chipmunk
Cliff Richard & The Shadows – Reunited [21st Sep]
Clipse – Till The Casket Drops
Corinne Bailey Rae – tba
The Count & Sinden – tba
Courtney Love – Nobody’s Daughter
The Crystal Method – Divided By Night
Dani Harmer – tba [Sep]
Das Pop – Das Pop
Deftones – Eros
Delays – tba [Sep]
Detachments – tba
The Divine Comedy – tba
Dizzee Rascal – Tongue N Cheek [28th Sep]
Dolly Rockers – tba [Oct]
Doug Walker – Fear Together
Dragonette – Fixin’ To Thrill [Aug/Sep]
Dr Dre – Detox
Echo & The Bunnymen – The Fountain [Sep]
Editors – In This Light And On This Evening [21st Sep]
Elliott Minor – tba [Oct]
Eminem – Relapse 2
Erik Hassle – Hassle [9th Nov]
Erykah Badu – New Amerykah Part Two: Return Of The Ankh
Eva Peterson – tba
Eve – Flirt
The Faces – tba
Final Fantasy – Heartland
Findlay Brown – Love Will Find You
Five For Fighting – tba
Fleetwood Mac – tba
Florence Rawlings – A Fool In Love [28th Sep]
Foo Fighters – The Best Of [Nov]
FrYars – Dark Young Hearts
Funeral For A Friend – Your History Is Mine: 2002-2009 [28th Sep]
Girls Can’t Catch – tba [Jul]
Good Charlotte – Cardiology
Hannah – tba [Sep]
Hatebreed – Hatebreed [Oct]
Helen Love – Stick It (f*** Off)
The Hidden Cameras – tba
Holloways – Tales From The Tarmac
The Hot Rats – tba
Howard Elliott Payne – Bright Light Ballads
Ian Brown – tba [Aug]
Idlewild – Post Electric Blues [5th Oct]
Ivyrise – Worldwide
Jack Savoretti – Harder Than Easy
Jade Ewen – tba [Sep]
Jamie Cullum – The Pursuit [9th Nov]
Janelle Monae – tba
Jay-Z – Blueprint III
Jazmine Sullivan – Fearless [Jun]
Jeremih – Jeremih [28th Sep]
JLS – tba [Oct]
Joe Lean & The Jing Jang Jong – Joe Lean & The Jing Jang Jong
Johnny Bennett – The Violet Hush
Johnny Foreigner – tba [Oct]
JoJo – All I Want Is Everything
Joss Stone – Colour Me Free
Katherine Jenkins – The Ultimate Collection [Nov]
Kid Harpoon – tba [Sep]
Laura Critchley – Laura
Lethal Bizzle – tba [Sep]
Liam Frost – tba
Lifehouse – tba
Livvi Franc – Underground Sunshine
The Longcut – Open Hearts [5th Oct]
Lucky Soul – Dark Times Ahead
Luigi Masi – Save His Shoes [Aug]
Luke Haines – Achtung Mother
Macy Gray – The Gray Life
MadM (Melissa Auf der Maur) – Out Of Our Minds
Madonna – Iconography [Sep]
Mando Diao – Give Me Fire [5th Oct]
Maps – Turning The Mind [28th Sep]
Maria Lawson – Emotional Rollercoaster
Mark Morrison – King Of British R&B: The Best Of…
Massive Attack – Weather Underground [Oct]
Melanie B – Reimagined
The Metaphors – London! Paris! New York! Rome!
MGMT – Congratulations
Mika – tba [Sep]
Missy Elliott – Block Party
Monsters Of Folk – Monsters Of Folk [21st Sep]
Morrissey – Swords [Oct]
Mpho – Pop Art [19th Oct]
Mr Hudson – Straight No Chaser [5th Oct]
Natalia – All Of Me
Natalie Imbruglia – Come To Life [Jul/Aug]
Nelly Furtado – tba
N.E.R.D. – The Best Of
Nicole Scherzinger – Her Name Is Nicole
Nouvelle Vague – NV3
OK Go – tba
Operation Aloha – Operation Aloha
P Diddy – Last Train To Paris [21st Sep]
Paloma Faith – Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful? [21st Sep]
Panjabi MC – Indian Timing
Paramore – Brand New Eyes [28th Sep]
Patrizio Buanne – tba [Jul]
Pearl Jam – Backspacer [21st Sep]
Pope – Tall Tales & Cheap Thrills
Porcupine Tree – The Incident [21st Sep]
Pretty Ricky – Eighties Babies
Propellerheads – tba
Raghav – Identity
Red Box – Plenty
Richard Hawley – Truelove’s Gutter [21st Sep]
Rihanna – tba
Rinocerose – Futurino
Ronan Keating – tba
Roots – How I Got Over [Oct]
Rose Elinor Dougall – Without Why
Sam Beeton – No Definite Answer
Santana – Supernatural 2
The Saturdays – tba
Scarlet BLONDE – Acerbic
September – Cry For You-The Album
Shakira – tba [5th Oct]
Shania Twain – tba
Sinitta – Right Back Where We Started From: The Hits+ Collection 1986-2009
Skint & Demoralised – Love And Other Catastrophes [5th Oct]
The Slits – Trapped Animal [5th Oct]
Snoop Dogg – Malice In Wonderland
Stellastarr* – Civilised [Jul]
Stereophonics – tba
Sting – If On A Winter’s Night [26th Oct]
Thomas Bromley – In It For The Moment
Timbaland – Shock Value 2
Tom McRae – tba [Sep]
Trashcan Sinatras – In The Music [Aug]
The Tunics – Somewhere In Somebody’s Heart
Twiggy Frostbite – Through Fire
The Twilight Sad – Forget The Night Ahead [21st Sep]
UB40 – Labour Of Love IV
Urbnri – Never Go To A Party With The ‘Ri
Usher – Monster
The Veronicas – Hook Me Up [5th Oct]
The Victorian English Gentlemens Club – Love On An Oil Rig [Sep]
Wallis Bird – New Boots [Sep]
Young Jeezy – The Recession
Zoot Woman – Things Are What They Used To Be [Aug]
Now 74 [Nov]

Review copyright © Dominic Robinson, 2009.

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