Skip to content
Smurfs… so crap, they named it once!
I really don’t know where they got the point of this particular film. All the marketing blah-blahed about how “Rihanna is Smurfette” – even though musically, she’s not particularly relevant, as she hasn’t released a new album in almost ten years.
Alas, what that hides is that the other main Smurf in the film is played by James Corden. Fucking hell! For how much longer do we have to put up with that hugely obese oaf, until he has a much-deserved heart attack?
Still, his plot is that he’s No-Name Smurf, because he hasn’t yet found his schtick. And he’ll spend 90 minutes doing so. That makes for one of the most boring plots I’ve ever come across. The games in recent years have actually been really good, including the most recent The Smurfs: Dreams, which involves them doing battle with Gargamel, as usual, but they’re in peril quite frequently, and there’s so much action in the games that they could’ve just put THAT onscreen for 90 minutes, and it would’ve been FAR more interesting!
(Spoiler Alert: He turned into Piers Morgan Smurf, and becomes an insufferable arsehole… oh wait, that’s ALSO James Corden).
And that’s another thing… where’s Gargamel?! He’s barely in it! Instead, we get his brother, Razamel. Come on, if you’re going to reboot a franchise, you AT LEAST get the main baddie!
After a short Spongebob Squarepants animation, Order Up, the Smurfs film has four magic books, but the one named Jaunty (Amy Sedaris – Theater Camp) runs away, like they do. Papa Smurf (John Goodman – Atomic Blonde) gets kidnapped, the blue men group (plus one woman) end up in Paris for some reason, there’s a couple of what feels like Bollywood-style dance numbers, and a late scene in the film set in various multiverses, including an Atari 2600 game level from the original Smurfs game (check out the video above for how that game plays).
Plus, there’s a couple of music and film references, one where Razamel meets up with Gargamel and says, “Reunited and it feels so good”, channelling his inner Peaches and Herb, and one where flying lion Azrael exclaims, for reasons I forget, “I’m going to need a bigger letterbox”.
On the plus side, this has some nice animation, but overall, it’s just so twee; and it’s so empty, that while it made the big screen in the UK, it has been relegated to streaming-only in the US. And that’s where this shit belongs.
After all, during the film, two young kids were – independently – absolutely bawling their eyes out. I imagine it was because they were forced to sit through this film. I nearly felt like joining them.
NOTE: There is a mid-credits scene. Check out the video below.
Smurfs is in cinemas now, and is available to pre-order on Blu-ray and DVD.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 92 minutes
Release date: July 18th 2025
Studio: 2.39:1 (ARRIRAW (4.5K))
Cinema: Odeon Trafford Centre
Rating: 2/10
Director: Chris Miller
Producers: Jay Brown, Ryan Harris, Rihanna, Tyran Smith
Screenplay: Pam Brady
Characters: Peyo
Music: Henry Jackman, Rihanna
Cast:
Smurfette: Rihanna
No-Name Smurf: James Corden
Ken: Nick Offerman
Razamel / Gargamel: JP Karliak
Joel: Dan Levy
Jaunty: Amy Sedaris
Mama Poot: Natasha Lyonne
Moxie Smurf: Sandra Oh
Tardigrade: Jimmy Kimmel
Asmodius: Octavia Spencer
Chernobog: Nick Kroll
Jezebeth: Hannah Waddingham
Hefty Smurf: Alex Winter
Vanity Smurf: Maya Erskine
Vanity Smurf: Rylan Clark (UK version)
Worry Smurf: Billie Lourd
Worry Smurf: Giovanna Fletcher (UK version)
Brainy Smurf: Xolo Maridueña
Ron: Kurt Russell
Papa Smurf: John Goodman
Grouchy Smurf / Camouflage Smurf: Chris Miller
Grouchy Smurf: Jon Richardson (UK version)
Azrael / List Maker Smurf: Rachel Butera
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.