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This weekend there are nine new films out for you to choose from: action sequelitis in Captain America Civil War, drama for Jake Gyllenhaal in Demolition, war drama in Son of Saul, Iggy Pop takes the lead in Blood Orange, Nick Knowles’ OAP comedy in Golden Years, drippy teen drama in Safelight, drug-fuelled drama in Heaven Knows What, more drugs turn up in Hard Tide, there’s CGI in Ratchet and Clank, and there’s a load of old fanny in God’s Not Dead 2.
Captain America Civil War stars off right where the end of Ant-Man finished – yes, you have to keep up with all of these films, even the terrible ones, and Captain America’s had his fair share of that!
Captain America (Chris Evans) and Falcon (Anthony Mackie) have got Bucky O’Hare… sorry, Barnes (Sebastian Stan), holed up, and this new trailer shows a continue ton of death and destruction. The official storyline is that an incident leads to the Avengers developing a schism over how to deal with situations, which escalates into an open fight between allies Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr) and Captain America.
So you’re paying a tenner to watch two idiots have a two-and-a-half-hour fight. Amazing(!) The first Captain America film was dire. The second was so-so. I’m not holding out much hope for this, especially since this is the film which, as the end of the trailer shows, will introduce us to…
…Peter Parker aka the new Spider-Man, now played by Tom Holland, aka the sperm of alleged comedian Dominic Holland. You might remember seeing The Impossible, a film about the Spanish family getting caught up in the 2004 tsunami, headed by Ewan McGregor and Naomi Watts, who are anything but Spanish. The film was one of the most tedious two hour periods of my life, and Tom Holland could not act his way out of a paper bag.
Captain America Civil War is also the longest Marvel film to date, at 147 minutes – something the worst Marvel character really does not need.
It’s directed by Anthony Russo and Joe Russo, who are also taking the helm for Avengers: Infinity War Part I in 2018, and, unsurpisingly, Avengers: Infinity War Part II in 2019, and it stars (as if you couldn’t guess most of these) Scarlett Johansson, Elizabeth Olsen, Leslie Bibb, Marisa Tomei, Jeremy Renner, Paul Bettany, Martin Freeman, Emily VanCamp, Daniel Brühl and… sadly it’ll feature the return of the utterly charmless Paul Rudd as Ant-Man (but then, again, if you stuck it out until the end of those credits you’ll know that).
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Miss! (but I’ll see it anyway)
Demolition stars Jake Gyllenhaal as Davis, a successful investment banker who struggles after losing his wife in a tragic car crash. Despite pressure from his father in law Phil (Chris Cooper) to pull it together, Davis continues to unravel.
What starts as a complaint letter to a vending machine company turns into a series of letters revealing startling personal admissions. Davis’ letters catch the attention of customer service rep Karen (Naomi Watts) and, amidst emotional and financial burdens of her own, the two form an unlikely connection. With the help of Karen and her son Chris (Judah Lewis), Davis starts to rebuild, beginning with the demolition of the life he once knew.
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Hit!
Son Of Saul takes in Two days in the life of Saul Auslander (Géza Röhrig), Hungarian prisoner working as a member of the Sonderkommando at one of the Auschwitz Crematoriums who, to bury the corpse of a boy he takes for his son, tries to carry out his impossible deed: salvage the body and find a rabbi to bury it. While the Sonderkommando is to be liquidated at any moment, Saul turns away of the living and their plans of rebellion to save the remains of a son he never took care of when he was still alive.
Directed by László Nemes, who co-wrote it with Clara Royer, Son Of Saul also stars Levente Molnár, Urs Rechn, Todd Charmont and Jerzy Walczak, and this is a must-see.
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Hit!
Blood Orange stars Iggy Pop as Bill, an ageing rock star living with his beautiful and promiscuous young wife Isabelle (Kacey Barnfield). Into their peculiar paradise comes a dangerous ex-lover (Ben Lamb) hell bent on revenge.
Iggy Pop is ace, and Kacey Barnfield is hotter than the sun, so this is a…
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Hit!
Golden Years
Fate, the pensions crisis and a steadfast refusal to accept the injustice of old age have contrived to force law abiding, retired couple, Arthur and Martha Goode into a life of crime. Refusing to take the loss of their pensions lying down and to fade away into their declining years, our characters decide to fight back. They decide to take back what was theirs in the first place. They decide to start robbing banks.
With a cast that features Bernard Hill, Simon Callow, Philip Davis, Alun Armstrong, Virginia McKenna and Una Stubbs… UNA STUBBS! It’s also co-written by Nick Knowles… yes, him. And looks far from original, but there could be some merit in there, so….
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Maybe!
Safelight stars Evan Peters (X-Men: Days of Future Past) and Juno Temple (Horns) as a teenage boy and girl who discover a renewed sense of possibility as they go on a road trip to photograph lighthouses along the California coast. Unfortunately, it also looks like a load of drippy romantic mush.
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Miss!
Heaven Knows What
Harley (Arielle Holmes) loves Ilya (Caleb Landry Jones). He gives her life purpose and sets her passion ablaze. So, when he asks her to prove her love by slitting her wrists, she obliges with only mild hesitation, perhaps because of her other all-consuming love: heroin.
I wasn’t wowed by this…
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Miss!
Hard Tide
Young drugdealer Jake’s (Nathanael Wiseman) world is thrown into disarray when he indadvertedly saves 9-year old Jade and has to go on the run with her. But can someone from the bottom of the social ladder ever do the right thing in the eyes of the authorities?
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Miss!
Ratchet and Clank is another movie where videogames come to the big screen – the franchise beginning in 2002, but in this case, the characters lend themselves well to a humourous CGI kids movie outing, so most likely it will work. This particular series of games has never been one to grab me, however.
The film tells the story of two unlikely heroes as they struggle to stop a vile alien named Chairman Drek from destroying every planet in the Solana Galaxy. When the two stumble upon a dangerous weapon capable of destroying entire planets, they must join forces with a team of colorful heroes called The Galactic Rangers in order to save the galaxy. Along the way they’ll learn about heroism, friendship, and the importance of discovering one’s own identity.
The trailer features one of those big deep voices you get from time to time, and the cast is comprised of James Arnold Taylor as Ratchet, David Kaye as Clank, plus Jim Ward, Bella Thorne, Sylvester Stallone, Rosario Dawson, John Goodman and Paul Giamatti.
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Miss!
God’s Not Dead 2
Well, it’s difficult to kill a figment of your imagination.
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Miss!
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.