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Alone starts with a naked man walking through the forest… so, make sure you’ve finished your dinner by the time this starts.
We learn he’s on the edge of the arctic circle, although I don’t see any ice. And although they’re… alone, there is a few of them. I guess they get dropped off in different places.
But yes, this is the brand new reality show which seems to be Channel 4’s stock-in-trade for Sunday nights, these days, thus knocking any chance of a decent film being shown until the small hours, since they also insist on forcing Gogglebox repeats upon us.
And I say “brand new”, because it’s actually an idea taken from the History Channel, where it has been a massive hit, running for several seasons.
Of the 11 individuals who’ve signed up, Naomi “gets lost around Tesco”, Mike is good with all kinds of power tools in his every day life, while – given that they can bring 10 survival items – one of the others has brought a bow and arrow! Does he think he’s Ellie from The Last Of Us, and is a dab-hand at shooting anything that moves?
They have to find food in order to survive, but in the wild, said food can actually find THEM, as one participant apparently comes across animal tracks, but Channel 4 aren’t going to leave people stranded to get eaten by wildlife… and if they were, they could send Piers Morgan in on a test run.
However, as one is seen trying to light a fire, and another is shown drinking muddy hot water… rather looking like the ‘tea substitute’ they drank in Blackadder Goes Forth, it just really feels like none of the near-dozen have put much thought into this.
On the plus side for them, they do have a satellite phone just in case they have an accident and need assistance. Will they all stay the course? Either way, the last man – or woman – standing will take the £100k prize.
On the downside, the opener doesn’t half drag on and I almost did myself a permanent to try and get out of watching it, but I stuck with it. Still, after the running time, it’s really not doing it for me. I just don’t really care whether they live or die…
Of course, they won’t die, otherwise they wouldn’t be shown… but imagine the ratings!
Despite the fact it wasn’t for me, given its longevity elsewhere, it will probably run for years, and my chance of a decent Sunday night film are ruined for a long time.
At least we were spared Heart’s rendition of their song, the ’80s hit which I’ve long since heard enough of.
Alone begins tonight on Channel 4 at 9pm, and after each episode, they will be on All 4. It’s unlikely to be released on Blu-ray or DVD.
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.