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Candy Cane Lane sees Christmas excess and capitalism brought to the fore as something to be encouraged, once again.
In this part of the universe, all of the neighbours put way too much nonsense outside their house in time for Xmas… good job, given that I don’t bother, so they’re taking one for the entire team!
Alas, for Chris Carver (Eddie Murphy – Coming 2 America) – like Dustin Hoffman in Kramer Vs Kramer, he’s getting the boot from his workplace just in time for Xmas. However, the local TV station just so happens to be running a competition for the best-dressed house, and the winner gets $100,000, but they have just 3 days until Christmas Eve in order to do this.
Eddie & co. chance upon the best shop that’ll suit their needs, run by Pepper (Jillian Bell – Murder Mystery 2), including a ’12 Days of Christmas’ tree which – when lit up – can literally be seen from space. Unfortunately, the next morning, the tree has been vandalised, with those characters from the 12 days having come to life, e.g. the seven swans, the five geese, etc.
For reasons I can’t begin to comprehend or remember, the resolution to this is to find 5 gold rings – although, why aren’t they just hanging around with all the rest of the paraphernalia?
And, obviously, no spoilers as to who wins the $100K… literally, no spoilers, because barely any of this stuck in my head once it was finished.
At almost two hours in length, Candy Cane Lane really does drag on, and it’s the kind of film that families will put on in the background, and then after 30 minutes, they’ll forget it’s still running because everyone’s lost interest.
On the plus side, I liked the sarcasm from TV presenter Emerson (Timothy Simons – Don’t Worry Darling). Plus, the only truly memorable scene in the film was Amy Johnston as the “Maid A’ Milking”. It’s not quite “We Are Slavic” (see below), but it’ll do for now.
Plot-wise, it’s like a 60-minute special that’s doubled in length for no apparent reason, shoving in so much filler you’ll be skipping through it to get to the end, but I suffered so you don’t have to.
And I can’t see why this was a 12-certificate as there’s zero offense to be taken with it, other than the overlong running time, and the feeling that you’ll never get these hours back.
We also get beaten over the head with religion, such as with one house’s banner: “Jesus is the reason for the season” – Oh, dear…
As Eddie’s daughter says at one point, “Yeah, this is weak” – rather like the scriptwriting.
Thanks to our friends at Amazon Prime Video for the screener prior to release.
Candy Cane Lane is on Prime Video from Friday December 1st, but the film isn’t yet available to pre-order on Blu-ray or DVD.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 117 minutes
Release date: December 1st 2023
Studio: Amazon Prime Video
Aspect Ratio: 2.39:1
Rating: 2/10
Director: Reginald Hudlin
Producers: Brian Grazer, Charisse Hewitt-Webster, Karen Lunder, Eddie Murphy
Screenplay: Kelly Younger
Music: Marcus Miller
Cast:
Chris Carver: Eddie Murphy
Carol Carver: Tracee Ellis Ross
Pepper: Jillian Bell
Joy Carver: Genneya Walton
Nick Carver: Thaddeus J Mixson
Holly Carver: Madison Thomas
Pip: Nick Offerman
Lamplighter Gary: Chris Redd
Cordelia: Robin Thede
Santa Claus: David Alan Grier
Bruce: Ken Marino
Shelly: Anjelah Johnson-Reyes
Scott: Lombardo Boyar
Emerson: Timothy Simons
Kit: Danielle Pinnock
Josh: DC Young Fly
Selah: Iman Benson
Clare: Belle Le Grand
Maid A’ Milking: Amy Johnston
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.