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Damsel opens with a brief monologue from our heroine, Elodie (Millie Bobby Brown):
This is NOT one of them.”
We’re somewhere in the middle ages, and here be dragons, with knights trying to fight them, and not making a great job of it, leading to not exactly the most stunning of special effects.
Then, centuries later, in a faraway land, Queen Isabelle (Robin Wright), the Queen of Aurea, sends a proposal to Lord Bayford (Ray Winstone), stating that his daughter, Elodie, is going to marry a rich Prince… is it Harry? No, Daddy’s just selling her off down the river… even though she’s taking a trip by sea. And again, there be dragons!
Oh, and actually, the prince IS Harry! Well, the more formal name, Henry, played by Nick Robinson, but NOT the BBC Tory shill. He lives in what feels like a Utopian village. Alas, his Mum, Isabelle, is a bit of an arsehole.
Following some weird blood ritual, and Henry proves himself to be a complete shit because – and it’s in the billing – she’s used as a sacrifice for the family dragon. However, to say he dumps her is an understatement, but you’ll see what happens.
As a couple of adsides, when Elodie chats to stepmum Angela Bassett, she declares to her Dad that it’s “girl talk” – yes, that famous Middle Ages phrase! (I jest. Some modern parlance in these sorts of films is a help). Plus, given her treatment, she suffers a leg injury which is going to need more than a dab of TCP!
One problem with a film like this is that even though Elodie ends up in mortal danger – as she ends up traversing in caves like Lara Croft – you know she’ll be fine because it’s a movie. Ok, so it’s a not a serious film, but ultimately, Damsel‘s story only needs to run to an hour, tops, and this is 101 minutes before the end credits kick in, so it does outstay its welcome.
For Damsel, I was hoping that, as we can see from the main picture, she would become an absolute badass, but this isn’t nearly as effective as I’d like. Plus, it feels like we’ve been down this path before, as it’s Bilbo Baggins vs Smaug. And given that it’s a long walking trip as she tries to escape, at about the 30-minute mark, I hoped if she did, she would absolutely bloody kill everyone who conspired to send her down there. I know I’d be absolutely livid!
Oh, and she even throws away her wedding ring in disgust, so there’s the ring link to JRR Tolkein’s work!
So, will she get out and get her revenge? Or will she stay in the cave and marry the dragon, instead? Sounds like he’s a safer bet, quite frankly. You’ll have to watch to find out the answers, though.
Thanks to our friends at Netflix for the screener prior to release.
Damsel is on Netflix now, but isn’t yet available to pre-order on Blu-ray or DVD.
Check out the trailer below:
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 107 minutes
Release date: March 8th 2024
Studio: Netflix
Aspect Ratio: 2.39:1
Score: 4/10
Director: Juan Carlos Fresnadillo
Producers: Morgan Bushe, Chris Castaldi, Jeff Kirschenbaum, Joe Roth
Screenplay: Dan Mazeau
Music: David Fleming
Cast:
Elodie: Millie Bobby Brown
Lord Bayford: Ray Winstone
Lady Bayford: Angela Bassett
Floria: Brooke Carter
Prince Henry: Nick Robinson
Queen Isabelle: Robin Wright
King Roderick: Milo Twomey
Princess Victoria: Nicole Joseph
Chamberlain: Patrice Naiambana
Prince Henry’s Bride: Tasha Lim
Voice of Dragon: Shohreh Aghdashloo
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.