Doctor Who Series 1 Episode 1: Rose – Dom Robinson

Dom Robinson reviews

Episode 1: “Rose”Broadcast on BBC1, Saturday March 26th, 2005

Director:

Keith Boak

(Holby City)

Screenplay:

Russell T. Davies

(Bob & Rose, Casanova, Children’s Ward, Cluedo, Doctor Who, The Grand, The House of Windsor, Linda Green, Mine All Mine, Queer as Folk, Revelations, The Second Coming, Springhill, Touching Evil)

Cast:

The Doctor: Christopher Eccleston
Rose Tyler: Billie Piper
Clive Finch: Mark Benton
Mickey: Noel Clarke
Jackie Tyler: Camille Coduri

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So, the first episode of the long-awaited series has now been broadcast, complete with allthe special effects. Was it worth the wait? No.

My first encounter with The Doctor was in the late ’70s with Tom Baker, running into Peter Davison in 1981.However, I totally turned off when Colin Baker took over three years later as he was just bloody irritating.And like the first actor you see playing James Bond will be the definitive one for you (Roger Moore, in mycase), Tom Baker will remain the definitive Doctor for me.

I gave Sylvester McCoy’s incarnation a brief try, but I couldn’t get out of my head the fact he was onkids shows like Vision On, alongside Wilf Lunn and Tony Hart, so it just didn’t ring true. The1996 TV moviewith Paul McGann was just a disappointment and then it disappeared from our screens until now.

I didn’t catch a bootleg version of the first 2005 episode when it was doing the rounds, as it becameunavailable quite quickly. I didn’t expect too much overall, but did look forward to an audio/visual treatnonetheless.

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Following the opening credits, during which Paul Manners pointed out in his review that the new Doctor’sface doesn’t appear, we’re introduced to Rose (Billie Piper, right) in a way, with a load of speeded-upfilm that panders to the MTv generation, even those they’ve since grown up.

Rose is shown jumping off the back of a London bus, despite the fact that such buses have long sincebeen discontinued, as I understand it, because they pose the health hazard that… people might falloff them(!) Still, like Marty McFly on his skateboard, it enables Rose to hot-foot it to her destination,working at Harrod’s… sorry, Henrik’s. Oh, those logos look so familiar – you’d think there isn’t any kindof originality here at all.

A brief introductoin encapsulates Rose’s boyfriend, Mickey (Noel Clarke, last seen as Wayne in thelast two series of Auf Wiedersehen Pet) and as the store closes for the night, Rose finds herselftrapped in the basement with shop dummies (aka The Autons) that come to life. Suddenly, amid the atmosphere, we hear whatsounds like a party taking place in the distance… Is this something surreal and ethereal like you’dexpect fromSapphire and Steel?No, don’t think Russell T Davies is that clever of late. It was a BBC fuck-up as they left the mic openfrom Graham “£3.5m BBC exclusive contract” Norton’s one and only series to date (they paid extrafor his US ‘Effect’ show), Strictly Dance Fever, soon to be disappearing faster than NatashaKaplinsky’s talent into the autocue, and this intrusion lasted for some time. So, after any tension hasbeen diminished, what’s next?

Christopher Eccleston appeared to save Rose and escort her out of there, before blowing it up withunconvincing CGI, which was followed the next ‘day’ by dreadful attack by arm of mannequin. It wasn’t funny,it was just shoddy and pointless. It’s been 16 years since the last time we were promised a full seriesand this is the best they could come up with? Even Metal Mickey couldn’t look more out-of-place in today’stelevision.

And the BBC News 24 broadcast that followed onscreen couldn’t even spell the shop name right, calling it”Hendricks”, but then they also think anyone gives a toss about a 92-year-old Labour duffer who died onthe day of the broadcast, so they’ve really got their priorities arse-about-face.

Camille Coduri goes from totty in 1989’s Nuns on the Run to MILF-like quality as Rose’s Mum,but she doesn’t have much screen time so I’ll comment no further.

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In a bid to understand what’s going on with the freaky occurences, Rose learns more about Doctor and his past,by visiting internet nutter Clive Finch (one of the latest actors to turn up on absolutely everything, MarkBenton), where she discovers Eccleston (right) was even present at the moment where JFK was murdered. Someone elseis about to get creamed as well, as dodgy CGI returns with Mickey being swallowed up by a misbeheaving wheeliebin. Oh dear.

In the ensuing chaos, as Rose realises her boyfriend is not the man he used to be, there’s a few minutes ofdecent banter as she and the Doctor get to know each other, along with an introduction into what a TARDIS isall about, along with a way to get rid of the mannequin problem altogether. However, when they run into aspot of bother, which prevents them from sorting it out, Eccleston can’t escape from a couple of lightweightshop dummy bouncers and it’s left to Piper and her under 7 athletic award to save the day and knock theantiplastic solution into the latest piss-poor CGI to grace the screen, the Nestene Consciousness itself.

As the day is saved, we’ve witnessed the cliche that is Rose’s Mum getting caught up in the hullabaloo, Mickeynot being dead after all, and Clive getting popped off by a mannequin. (Sigh) It could’ve been so better thanthis.

Never mind ‘Rose’, I’d rather Russell T Davies had given more than one series of the engaging Manchester-baseddrama Bob & Rose. Couple the generally empty dialogue with the fact that no US TV companies bought it,the SciFi channel ignored it, the £10m cost of the series may be clawed back from eventual DVD salesthis Christmas, but you can bet your life that there won’t be any more beyond this 13-episode run.

The only plus about this series is that there could be chemistry between buck-toothed Piper and Eccleston,and I could understand them going down the camp route if they can pull it off as relatively decent Saturdayevening entertainment – something that’s been missing from all channels for a long time. However, if thescripts are as bad as this, then the audience will disappear fast!

Review copyright © Dom Robinson, 2005.

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