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Gladiator II opens with a brief, hand-painted summary of the first film over the opening credits, which I wasn’t expecting. Well, I say ‘hand-drawn’, but I expect these days, CGI and AI played their part.
This sequel takes place 16 years after the first film – even though it’s almost a quarter of a century for us, since 2000’s Gladiator, and while there’s some flashbacks to the first film, I did wonder whether or not Russell Crowe might pop up in a newly-recorded piece of footage, but, nope. Maybe that would be fan-service too far. Instead, while there’s some clips that include his then young son with Lucilla, Lucius, payed by Spencer Treat Clark (Salem’s Lot) at the time, and in the intervening years by an uncredited Alfie Tempest (Masters Of The Air).
In Numidia, in 200 AD, it is a time when men shave their upper arms, and everyone in the castle run by Lucius (Paul Mescal – All Of Us Strangers) and his wife, Arishat (Yuval Gonen), are having a great time because they’re 1793 years away from the release of Mr Blobby’s No.1 single, and they’ll all be long dead by then. Unfortunately, Marcus Acacius (Pedro Pascal – The Wild Robot 3D) is about to spoil the party, as despite being from Chile, he pretends to be one of the Romans, invading the castle and taking what he wants.
As a result, Acacius must have a massive wang, because he manages to attract and marry his mum, Lucilla (Connie Nielsen – Role Play), even though you’d think she’d run a mile from him.
But for want of a plot, slave owner Macrinus (Denzel Washington, playing Denzel Washington, as always) buys Lucius, promising that if he performs well in the arena, Macrinus will grant him the one thing he wants: the chance to kill Acacius, since he understandably wants revenge.
Taking control of Rome are twin Emperors Geta (Joseph Quinn) and Caracalla (Fred Hechinger), who want to rule the city with iron fists, despite being cocky twats who are going to get themselves in trouble before too long.
As with the first film, there’s a number of arena battles, including one where it’s filled with water, and with sharks! But inbetween, again, while it starts ticking along nicely for a while and is mostly competently-acted, Gladiator II then gets rather tedious when no fighting is taking place. Even though I wasn’t massive on the original movie, this film can’t live up to what we got from that one. The script also doesn’t have any great quotes, like Crowe’s “Husband to a murdered wife” etc.
The fact Lucius’ castle had a number of black soldiers on duty, and with his own wife being of Indian descent, is very unlikely, but then, Maximus most likely wasn’t Australian, and Lucius wouldn’t have been from Ireland.
Additionally, while Arishat does get dressed in all of the gladiator gear, in the year 200 AD, there were no women allowed to compete in the arena. Then again, she is seen helping to defend the castle, rather than getting a sting in the ring.
Oddly, and I won’t say to whom this happens, while one individual is seen decapitated, the fake head is incredibly poorly made. In 2024, how come they didn’t just CGI their face on properly? It feels so unfinished!
Still, for all the Gladiator II is not being the greatest film on the big screen, Ridley Scott is a stone’s throw from being 87 years old! And still has at least six more films coming up as director! And not including his rumoured Gladiator III!
Then again, I would much rather have an Alien Covenant sequel!
As for the presentation, while I was sitting so close to the front that I didn’t encounter any irritants, I saw this particular film at Cineworld, and had the most amount of crap BEFORE a film, EVER!
This is the most I’ve ever seen at Cineworld, and once the ads and trailers had played, I expect no more than one ad in the ‘golden slot’ just before the film started, but no…
- 1. The Cineworld Gameshow promo! A bespectacled ‘influencer’ (well, they all are) pretends to ask questions about upcoming films, one of which is answered by the female contestant as “The Lord Of The Rings Animations!”
Well, it’s only ONE film, and it doees have a name: The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim.
While I would ask Cineworld why they make such crappy cringe ads, they won’t care as the company is in a death spiral.
2. Another promo for Kraven The Hunter, a film that was originally due to be released in the box-office death slot of Jan/Feb, where all non-Oscar/BAFTA films are crapped out the door… but not for Jan/Feb 2024, but January 2023!!!
Similar to Red One, the studio have sat on it for so long, it’s just embarrassing, and for Kraven, it’s had a number of release dates along the way, and scrapped each time. Since it’s coming out in December, Sony are clearly throwing it to the wolves, so it dies a quick death.
3. Paddington toppers. Yes, spend more money on crap you’ll shove to the back of the cupboard, and never look at ever again!
4. Wicked ICEE advert. Buy a ticket in ScreenX or 4DX, and you get a free green drink that normally costs about £6, yet costs pennies to make. Years ago, I worked in a restaurant, so I know how cheap this sort of junk drink is.
5. Wicked (AGAIN!) – sell ‘merch’, in a dreadful advert with Jeff Goldblum.
6. Event Cinema – I’ve still no idea why a recorded version of a play costs a fortune, and isn’t included in Unlimited, although it looks like there’s now 50% off them with Unlimited.
7. Vodafone advert – probably the only one worth watching, as the characters said “Lights out, and turn off your (bleep)ing phone!”
8. Netflix’s Black Doves advert.
And that was it, but I nearly wondered if I should go home and come back in a few days, in the hope they’d have finished!
NOTE: There are NO mid- or post-credit scenes.
Gladiator II is in cinemas now, and is available to pre-order on 4K Blu-ray, 4K Blu-ray Steelbook, Blu-ray and DVD, ahead of its release date TBA.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 148 minutes
Release date: November 15th 2024
Studio: Paramount Pictures
Aspect Ratio: 2.39:1 (ARRIRAW (4.5K), Dolby Vision)
Cinema: Cineworld Didsbury
Rating: 5.5/10
Director: Ridley Scott
Producers: Lucy Fisher, David Franzoni, Michael Pruss, Ridley Scott, Douglas Wick
Screenplay: David Scarpa
Characters: David Franzoni
Music: Harry Gregson-Williams
Cast:
Lucius: Paul Mescal
Lucilla: Connie Nielsen
Macrinus: Denzel Washington
Marcus Acacius: Pedro Pascal
Emperor Geta: Joseph Quinn
Emperor Caracalla: Fred Hechinger
Gracchus: Derek Jacobi
Arishat: Yuval Gonen
Tegula: Rory McCann
Jubartha: Peter Mensah
Master of Ceremonies: Matt Lucas
Thraex: Tim McInnerny
Ravi: Alexander Karim
Viggo: Lior Raz
Concubine: Line Ancel
Darius: Alec Utgoff
Slovak: Lee Charles
Gladiator: Chidi Ajufo
Phoebus: Chi Lewis-Parry
Young Lucius: Alfie Tempest (uncredited)
Young Lucius: Spencer Treat Clark (clips from first film)
Maximus: Russell Crowe (clips from first film)
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.