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In The Lost Lands opens with the mysterious Boyce (Dave Bautista – The Last Showgirl) wanting to tell us a story, although given his character’s name, I couldn’t help but think of Boycie from Only Fools And Horses… and now, you can’t, either.
We move on to Gray Alys (Milla Jovovich), who’s had better starts to her day, since she’s about to die. Well, to be hanged – which normally leads to death, but given that it’s the start of the film and that she’s the main character, I figured she’d make it.
For some reason, she’s pissed off Sinead O’Connor, sorry, The Enforcer (Arly Jover – Blade), but finds a way to turn the tables and escape, only to be pursued from time to time, for the duration of the film.
Alys is like the A-Team all in one, helping people out in their hour of need, such as The Queen (Amara Okereke), who wants to shapeshift and thus, another shapeshifter is required. In order to look for one, Alys has to go… get this… into the lost lands!
What are the Lost Lands? Fuck knows, other than it looks like Stockport on a good day, with a ton of bad CGI added.
Anyhoo, she needs a guide to that place, hence, Boyce.
Beyond that, lots of weird shit happens with an utterly nonsense story.
Yes, it’s another film where I had to look up the plot after it had finished. Only problem is, that no-one’s bothered to fill it in on Wikipedia, so I think I’ll be none the wiser for a while.
Milla’s character also has incredibly weird tattoos all over, although given the way Gen Z are in 2025, her tatts are quite conservative by comparison(!)
Gray Alys? May as well be Wolf Alice, for all the difference it makes. This is still 101 minutes of complete gibberish from start to finish, and I found nothing to enjoy in it.
This is a shame since I mostly enjoyed the Resident Evil movies, from both her and husband/director Paul WS Anderson, but this? Bleah!
Maybe it’s the fault of George RR Martin who wrote the short story on which this is based. I never saw a whole episode of his Game Of Thrones, just the clips of a can of Stella featuring in one episode, along with a final season one including a battle fought entirely in the dark, so no-one could see what was going on, so he’s obviously just taking the piss.
The film studio will also be taking a bath on this, as the budget was $55m, and in just over a week, it’s taken a mere $2.9m worldwide!
NOTE: There are no mid- or post-credit scenes.
In The Lost Lands is in cinemas now, and is available to pre-order on 4K Blu-ray, Blu-ray and DVD, ahead of its release date TBA.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 101 minutes
Release date: March 14th 2025
Studio: Vertical, Constantin Film
Aspect Ratio: 2.39:1
Cinema: Odeon Trafford Centre
Rating: 0/10
Director: Paul WS Anderson
Producers: Paul WS Anderson, Dave Bautista, Jeremy Bolt, Milla Jovovich, Robert Kulzer, Jonathan Meisner
Screenplay: Constantin Werner
Short story: George RR Martin
Music: Paul Haslinger
Cast:
Gray Alys: Milla Jovovich
Boyce: Dave Bautista
The Enforcer: Arly Jover
The Queen: Amara Okereke
The Patriarch: Fraser James
Jerais: Simon Lööf
Mara: Deirdre Mullins
Ross: Sebastian Stankiewicz
The Hammer: Tue Lunding
The Overlord: Jacek Dzisiewicz
Kane: Nicolas Stone
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.