Melania… Melania Trump. The documentary that everyone’s talking about, but only in disparaging terms, so since there’s only once way to discover the accuracy of that, here we go…
Firstly, while watching four films in one day, I figured it couldn’t be worse than Paris Hilton’s Infinite Icon, which i’d watched a few hours earlier.
To that end, this one opens like a spoof, with the First Lady’s monologue including “Every day I love with purpose and devotion”, whilst showing her car has a Donald Trump bobblehead in a Terminator 2 T-800 outfit. As such, I kept expecting Pamela Anderson in the main role!
This doc shows us 20 days in her life after the 2024 Presidential Election, although while it goes day-by-day at first, it then just zooms ahead of to the inaugaration day, pitstopping on the night before, showing how she even designs some of the food on the Candlelit Dinner, including starting with a golden egg!
On view is a crazy amount of opulence, as Mrs Trump tells us how her favourite song of all time is Billie Jean by the dead paedophile known as Michael Jackson. Plus, early on, we also hear Gimme Shelter, by the Rolling Stones, and we know Mick Jagger was on Jeffrey Epstein’s island…
However, once thing I *did* learn in this, is that she’s into interior design, and that after Joe Biden and his stink moved out at 7am on January 20th 2025, the staff had just five hours to transform the interior to the style she wants, feeling a bit like ITV’s 60 Minute Makeover, which also took most of the day, and NOT just 60 minutes.
However, given that the Trumps are out all day, and into the early hours, surely, they’ve got PLENTY of time?!
Along the way, she tells us how Jimmy Carter died “unexpectedly”, even though he was 100 years old! But while this is interesting from a political point of view, when she’s on the phone to ‘The Donald’, she sounds like she can’t wait to get away.
We also see her caring side, as she has a meeting with former Gaza hostage Aviva Siegel, whose husband was still captured at the time of recording, but who has since been released. However, we all know her husband is a huge fan of Benjamin Netanyahu so, fuck Trump.
For every subject of Melania’s biopic, she controls the narrative. Alas, no-one controls the sloppy direction. For some reason, Brett Ratner‘s been brought out of the cold to (badly) direct this film, but then if Donald Trump knows anything about anything, it’s being accused of sexual assault. So, birds of a feather…
Overall, it’s bad, but not as bad as the Paris Hilton documentary. Still, reportedly, this film has a $40 production budget, $21m of which went directly to the First Lady… plus a $35m promotion budget, making $75m in total. What a waste.
Melania is in cinemas now, but isn’t yet available to pre-order on Blu-ray or DVD. However, once announced, it will appear on the New DVD Blu-ray 3D and 4K releases UK list.
Or you can buy a 45-pack of Velvet Classic Quilts Toilet Roll, to clean up all the shit on display.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 104 minutes
Release date: January 30th 2026
Studio: Amazon MGM Studios
Aspect ratio: 2.39:1
Rating: 2/10
Director: Brett Ratner
Producers: Marc Beckman, Brett Ratner, Fernando Sulichin, Melania Trump
Music: Tony Neiman
Cast, as themselves:
Melania Trump
Hervé Pierre
Adam Lippes
Peter Sohn
Aiko Mizutori
David Monn
Tham Kannalikham
Yaqi Sun
Hayley Harrison
Casey Nalls
Gabrielle Daymond
Alexandra Veletsis
Donald Trump
Viktor Knavs
Joseph P LaMorte
Enrique Salvo
Brigitte Macron
Aviva Siegel
Queen Rania
Justin Caporale
Sean M Curran
Barron Trump
Régine Mahaux
Nicole Bryl
Mordechai Alvow
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.