Pets On A Train has the title – in some countries – of Falcon Express, but harking back to Samuel L Jackson’s Snakes on a Plane, from 2006, is a far better alternative, and also does what it says on the tin.
Sadly, no-one harks back to his specific line from that movie, but then this is just a PG certificate movie, due to “mild threat” and “violence”.
It opens with Falcon, the raccoon, stealing food from humans to feed the stray animals around the town, passing over a hot dog stand, proclaiming, “I love the smell of ketchup in the morning” – Yes, an Apocalypse Now reference, and it’s not just the first movie quote, either.
In this world, pets talk to each other, as he hacks a train and heads into the animal car, where there’s a dog who believes all the conspiracy theories he reads online, and excitedly asks Candy the cat, “Have you heard of social media??”, only to receive a dismissive response, “Yes, unfortunately”. That gave me a big laugh, given what a cesspit it can sometimes be.
However, as problems develop with said railway vehicle, scaffolding and cars end up on the track, somehow not derailing the runaway train, but occasionally getting stuck to it, and adding to its issues.
The only possible safe solution is to get precariously from one end of the train to the other, leading to Victor, the posh greyhound, bemoaning, “Who doesn’t want to go through the Economy car(?)”
Meanwhile, for more movie quotes, one animal comes out with “I have a bad feeling about this”, from Harrison Ford in BOTH Star Wars and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
And for Die Hard, while both a helicopter pilot and the reporter are Johnson and Johnson, as Falcon’s going under the train to resolve a situation, he moans about being encouraged to travel here and was told, “Come down to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs…”
With plenty of other humour, for an animated kids film, I enjoyed this far more than most other movies I saw in the cinema that day! A lot of fast action, some good quips, plus those (occasionally paraphased) movie quotes for old people like me. And no major stars. It was also busy, so I hope it does well.
Pets On A Train originated in France, but has been dubbed into English, with the English voice cast listed below. However, for either version, bring your earplugs, since this one was louder than a Bollywood film! Why was it mastered louder than the average movie?!
And finally, a question: What’s the latest you’ve seen someone enter the auditorium during a film?
I thought I could never beat the time when two people turned up to the first Lord of the Rings film 40 minutes in, but then there was at least another 2hrs 40mins to go before the end credits began, and chances are, it was a film they’d seen before.
But no, Pets On A Train lasts for only 87 minutes, and at 3.15pm was the last screening of the day, but a family of four came in, laden with huge popcorn tubs and drinks – thus, not chancers that were drifting in after something else – FIFTY FIVE MINUTES IN!
There was literally just 26 minutes left before the credits began! Oh well, I hope they enjoyed it. I can only presume they thought it started at 4.15pm and bought their tickets in advance, otherwise they’d have surely been promoted to buy something else at the ticket counter.
NOTE: There are no mid, nor post-credits scenes.
Pets On A Train is in cinemas now, but isn’t yet available to pre-order on Blu-ray or DVD. However, once announced, it will appear on the New DVD Blu-ray 3D and 4K releases UK list.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 87 minutes
Release date: October 24th 2025
Studio: Altitude Films
Aspect ratio: 2.35:1
Cinema: Odeon Trafford Centre
Rating: 7/10
Directors: Benoît Daffis, Jean-Christian Tassy
Producers: David Alaux, Jean-François Tosti
Screenplay: David Alaux, Eric Tosti, Jean-François Tosti
Music: Le Feste Antonacci
English Voice Cast:
Falcon / Leo / Michael: Wyatt Bowen
Randy: Daniel Brochu
Rico: Mark Camacho
Jimi: Bruce Dinsmore
Momo: Richard M Dumont
Maguy: Angela Galuppo
Rex: Tristan D Lalla
Hans: Chimwemwe Miller
Judy / Cynthia: Elizabeth Neale
Janis / Lisa / Anna: Eleanor Noble
The Duck / Victor / Javier: Terrence Scammell
Johnson Reporter: Patrick E Abellard
Johnson Pilot: Annakin Slayd
Coco: Julian Stamboulieh
Chuck: Harry Standjofski
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.