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Paul Greenwood reviews
- Cert:
- Running time: 80 minutes
- Year: 2002
- Released: 17th January 2003
- Widescreen Ratio: 1.85:1
- Rating: 1/10
Director:
- Perry Andelin Blake
Cast:
- Pistachio Disguisey: Dana Carvey
Jennifer Baker: Jennifer Esposito
Grandfather Disguisey: Harold Gould
Fabbrizio Disguisey: James Brolin
Devlin Bowman: Brent Spiner
Mrs. Disguisey: Edie McClurg
Sophia: Maria Canals
Barney Baker: Austin Wolff
Trent: Mark Devine
Alan Morrison of Empire magazine said in his review of The Master of Disguisethat it was the worst film ever made. This was a bold statementand a challenge I couldn’t resist as I braved the rain and the Saturdayafternoon crowds to see how bad it could be for myself. I now feel thatI’ve learned an important lesson, one that I’d like now to pass on to you,gentle reader, lest you feel like making the same mistake.
Because never in my wildest nightmares could I have imagined such atravesty. Whether or not it’s the worst film ever made, it’s certainly theunfunniest comedy I’ve ever seen. From a script that may well have beenwritten at the back of the bus on the way in to the studio on the firstmorning of filming, to actors who look deeply embarrassed to be there, thiswill have you staring in disbelief as it implodes on the screen before you.
For what it’s worth, it’s the story of Pistachio Disguisey, a young Italianwaiter who learns that he comes from a long line of Masters of Disguise,people who can make themselves look and sound like anyone. His parents arekidnapped by millionaire Devlin Bowman who wants to use Pistachio’sfather’s powers of disguise to help him steal priceless artefacts, and it’sup to Pistachio to save the day. And that’s it really, save for manypointless impersonations and attempted spoofery.
The makers (Dna Carvey co-wrote by the way) are under the impression thatsimply repeating lines or re-creating scenes from other movies fromJawsto The Exorcist is funny in and of itself. Clearly the concepts of wit andoriginality are not ones with which they’re familiar. One character evensays to Pistachio, “The funny faces and silly voices were funny for like asecond”. I’m afraid I have to take issue with this, because if it had beenfunny for a second, there would at least have been one laugh to be had.
You know a film is bad when the funniest (and I use that word very, very,very relatively) thing in it is the fact that the villain farts when helaughs. You know it’s bad when the star cameos are of the calibre of BoDerek and Jesse Ventura. But most of all, you know it’s bad when it offersconsiderably less entertainment value than the urchins in the back row ofthe cinema throwing sweets at the audience.
Carvey is clearly not without a talent for mimicry, but a writer he ain’tand Master of Disguise should count itself lucky not to be getting zero outof ten. The one mark it is getting is only because of his really rathergood impression of Pacino.
DVDfever Dom adds: According to the BBFC, “Company chose toremove dangerous imitable technique, a series of head butts, to gain a PGcategory. A “12A” uncut was available to the distributor”
Review copyright © Paul Greenwood, 2003.E-mail Paul Greenwood
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.