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Jason Maloney reviews
If Only…
Bantam Press 
“No two people see events the same way.
Everybody’s truth is different.
This is my truth…
If only there was a world with no pain… only love.
If only there was no fear.
If only……”
These words are featured at the very front of the book, and though cynics will claim such sentiments to be “woolly” or “stating the obvious”, in light of what follows over the subsequent 22 chapters (plus a prologue and epilogue), her sincerity ought to be taken at face value.
The former Spice Girl – and therefore one of the highest-profile pop stars of this generation – is a true “Wannabe”. As ‘Girl Power’ becomes little more than a quaint memory, Geri Halliwell (the Spice considered to have the least natural talent) has carved out a pretty successful solo career that in essence remains close to Girl Power’s original ethos.
Hardly a wallflower, there’s always been a suspicion that Halliwell’s exuberance and extrovert persona are driven by an underlying insecurity. The classic cliche of needing to be famous and loved.
It’s something she readily (almost enthusiastically) acknowledges, and this autobiography (written at the tender age of just 26) is an engaging, candid and intelligent exercise in exploring what makes her tick.
Essentially a detailed account of her life from a small girl growing up in northeast London, to the recording of her debut (post-Spice) solo album “Schizophonic”, this book would undoubtedly not have been written (or been of much interest beyond the Spice fanbase) had she not left the band in May 1998 amid circumstances which were never really clarified or discussed at the time. Was there a major bust-up (if so, with whom)? Was she forced out by the other four members?……these issues are never ducked over the 366 pages, but those looking (or hoping) for juicy gossip and bitter backbiting will be sorely disappointed.
The genesis of the whole Spice phenomenon (which was nowhere near as glamourous or manufactured as might have been expected), the group’s evolution and the various personality dynamics are ably covered. She paints a picture that helps to shed some light on the why the eventual (some would claim inevitable) parting of the ways came to pass. Throughout these chapters that cover the time they were together, she talks affectionately and animatedly about her former band-mates.
However, this is not merely a “Why I Left The Spice Girls” story. In fact it’s not until half-way through “If Only…” that the subject is properly introduced. Before she ever meets Posh, Sporty, Scary and Baby – a late replacement when the original choice decided to chase other goals – there are 20 years of trials and tribulations in the life of Ms. Geraldine Halliwell to be chronicled.
The youngest daughter of a mixed-nationality couple – an ageing working-class father from Watford and a Spanish mother wooed into an unsuitable marriage while still new to Britain – the young Geri invariably found stability in her older siblings Max and Natalie. Always in awe of what she regarded as her more beautiful and gifted big sister, there is a sense of genuine love and adoration in the way Halliwell talks about her, rather than any kind of envy. This is typical of the book (not to mention Halliwell’s overall attitude and outlook), and it successfully wins over the reader without seeking admiration or understanding.
Often painfully aware of her own (generally misplaced) shortcomings and perceived inadequacy, her tone is frequently tinged with a knowing acknowledgement of how desperate for fame and recognition she has been for so much of her life. Her pyschological make-up is riddled with all the typical contradictions of the entertainer… persuing careers in glamour modelling and exotic dancing hardly appear to suit someone with the integrity and decency Halliwell clearly has, and yet it’s a paradox that continues to the present day.
Her performance at this year’s Brit Awards, for instance, was an ill-judged affair that smacked of poor taste and only served to reinforce the (mis)conception that Geri Halliwell is a brash bimbo of the Page 3 girl variety. All mouth and skimpy outfits.
By contrast “If Only..” is seldom sleazy and never tacky. When events do get a bit dodgy, she describes them with a pleasing candour and lack of sensationalism.
While there’s little here that anyone familar with her (or her music) couldn’t have guessed or expected, the book’s key strength is Halliwell’s writing style. She reveals herself to be a keen storyteller with a gift for detailed recollection and surprising insight into all aspects of life and human nature.
Probably the most telling passage arrives on the penultimate page, wherein she contemplates the raison d’etre of “If Only…”, and answers the question of “Why a book, and why now?”. Her father died on the eve of her long-awaited stardom, and it’s something which she has still to come to terms with. She returns to this subject time and again during the course of the book, speaking about him in the way any self-confessed ‘daddy’s girl’ would do (“Someone’s Watching Over Me”, the standout track on Schizophonic, speaks of the way Halliwell has tried to deal with her loss).
She explains: “I know that I wanted to exorcise some ghosts and have always believed everybody has a book in them. My dad always talked about writing a book, but he got no further than putting three or four minutes on tape. In a sense, I’m trying to do it for him, completing his unfulfilled ambition.”
Geri Halliwell may be a flawed human being (in reality, who isn’t?), but her hope that “…perhaps in some way people will read this and find some connection with me, because we all have dreams and wonder ‘What if it happened to me?’…” is a valid and typically honest one.
Review copyright © Jason Maloney, 2000. E-mail Jason Maloney
Check out Jason’s homepage: The Slipstream.
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.