Shelby Oaks is another horror movie with ‘things that go yawn in the night’, and shows that this town is coming like a ghost town, since within Darke County, Ohio, Riley (Sarah Durn) and her camera crew went missing while investigating an old prison for their Most Haunted-style TV show, Paranormal Paranoids.
Hence, despite being presented in 2.39:1, it spends the first 17 minutes in 16:9 (with some 4:3 clips), given the opening aforementioned programme.
That was 2008. Now, it’s 2020 and her sister, Mia (Camille Sullivan), is still searching for her, even to the point where it’s all but destroyed her marriage to Robert (Brendan Sexton III – Ballard), and delaying her desire to have children to the point where it’s too late.
Over time, we learn of the fate of those who were with Riley at the time of filming, but she’s still nowhere to be found.
For the 79 minutes before the end credits begin, Shelby Oaks is just loads of weird shit happening, but with none of it interesting, just like one of those bad films tucked away at 2am on Channel 4 at the weekend, and was so flat that when I read through the plot afterwards on Wikipedia, I’m left thinking about some scenes, “Oh, THAT happened!”, since I’d been so bored into a catatonic state that some of them just didn’t register.
In fact, it’s so bad, I’d give it negative marks out of 10 if I could!
Shelby Oaks also has over SIXTY co-producers, associate producers and executive producers! WHY?! That’s almost ONE PER MINUTE!
And since I generally stay through the credits (unless I need to dash for another film), I guessed this one had been financed through Kickstarter – and turned out to be right – since an absolute slew of names and nicknames follow, just like the end credits of the Lord of the Rings movies. As such, the entire end credits takes 12 minutes to pass, and I sat through all of it. If you paid to have your name featured, then congratulations… no-one else saw it.
Finally, I understand this is Chris Stuckmann‘s directorial debut, and that he’s also a film critic on Youtube. Well, I hope he can actually TAKE criticism, too.
NOTE: There’s a very brief post-credits moment as they end. If I could’ve found it online, I’d have played it back to make a video out of, but essentially, it’s….
Shelby Oaks is in cinemas now, and is available to buy on Blu-ray and DVD.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 91 minutes
Release date: November 7th 2025
Studio: Neon
Aspect ratio: 2.39:1 (Anamorphic /i Scope, Redcode RAW (8K); 1.78 (first 17 minutes)
Cinema: Odeon Trafford Centre
Rating: 0/10
Director: Chris Stuckmann
Producer: Aaron B Koontz
Screenplay: Chris Stuckmann
Music: James Burkholder, The Newton Brothers
Cast:
Mia: Camille Sullivan
Riley: Sarah Durn
Robert: Brendan Sexton III
Morton Jacobson: Keith David
Young Riley: Sloane Harlow Burkett
Young Mia: Brenna Sherman
Laura: Caisey Cole
Peter: Anthony Baldasare
David: Eric Francis Melaragni
Jess: Lauren Ashley Berry
Marilyn: CL Simpson
Detective Burke: Michael Beach
Mia and Riley’s Mom: Ashleigh Snead
Janet: Emily Bennett
Elijah: Rob Grant III
Norma Miles: Robin Bartlett
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.