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This week, there are NINE new films out for you to choose from: Dominic Cooper looks like he’s making a play for James Bond 007 in Stratton, Netflix have another new film out – think a comedy version of The Omen in Little Evil, there’s a road trip love triangle in Moon Dogs, childhood traumas resurface for Una, there’s a brilliant new British vampire comedy in Eat Locals, Bill Nighy tries to solve a series of murders in The Limehouse Golem, then Yorkshire has its own ‘Brokeback Mountain‘ in God’s Own Country, there’s a terrible mockumentary in Patti Cake$, and the God Squad come to town again in All Saints.
Stratton… John Stratton… is this the new James Bond?
No, it’s action film based on the novel by Duncan Falconer, and directed by Simon West (Con Air, The Expendables 2 – the only decent one of the trilogy), and is based around the titular British Special Boat Service commando, portrayed by Dominic Cooper, who tracks down an international terrorist cell.
Also stars: Connie Nielsen, Tom Felton, Tyler Hoechlin, Thomas Kretschmann, Derek Jacobi and Gemma Chan.
Yes, Gemma Chan. Ooh, yeah.
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Hit!
Little Evil turns The Omen into a comedy when Gary (Adam Scott) marries Samantha (Evangeline Lilly), the woman of his dreams. Sadly, her son is the stuff of nightmares when it turns out that he might just be the Antichrist!
The film comes from Netflix, and they’ve had a great hit-rate so far this year, with movies like Okja and their latest release, Death Note, plus the TV series Ozark. Here’s hoping for another cracker.
Writer/Director: Eli Craig
Also stars: Bridget Everett, Clancy Brown, Tyler Labine, Donald Faison, Chris D’Elia, Kyle Bornheimer
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Hit!
Moon Dogs
Two teenage step brothers fall for the same girl on a chaotic road trip from Shetland to Glasgow. For a film that has such a simple premise, the longer the trailer goes on, the more I was drawn in, and I very much want to see this.
Director: Philip John
Writers: Derek Boyle, Raymond Friel
Stars: Jack Parry-Jones, Christy O’Donnell, Tara Lee
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Hit!
Una (Rooney Mara) is a young woman who unexpectedly arrives at the workplace of Ray (Ben Mendelsohn), an older man and former neighbour. She’s looking for answers, the secrets of which, from the past, threatening to unravel his new life, as she wants to find out why he abandoned her after they had a sexual relationship when she was thirteen.
It’s not easy to work out whether or not this looks like a film worth seeing, but going on my gut feeling, I’ll say it’s a Hit!
Director: Benedict Andrews
Writer: David Harrower (based on his play, Blackbird)
Also stars: Ruby Stokes, Tara Fitzgerald, Riz Ahmed
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Miss!
Eat Locals
In a quiet countryside farmhouse, Britain’s vampires gather for their once-every-fifty-years meeting. Others will be joining them too; Sebastian Crockett, an unwitting Essex boy who thinks he’s on a promise with sexy cougar Vanessa (Eve Myles); and a detachment of Special Forces vampire killers who have bitten off more than they can chew. This is certainly going to be a night to remember… and for some of them it will be their last.
Eat Locals looks very silly, but funny, so I definitely want to check it out.
Director: Jason Flemyng
Writer: Danny King
Also stars: Charlie Cox, Mackenzie Crook, Tony Curran, Freema Agyeman, Nick Moran, Vincent Regan, Dexter Fletcher, Ruth Jones, Nicholas Rowe, Annette Crosbie
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Hit!
The Limehouse Golem is a series of murders which shook its community to the point where people believe that only a legendary creature from dark times – the mythical so-called Golem – must be responsible…. like you do.
The film has a good cast, but I wasn’t gripped by the trailer. Perhaps that’s down to the writer, Jane Goldman – aka Mrs Jonathan Ross, who adapted the novel from Peter Ackroyd.
Stars: Olivia Cooke, Eddie Marsan, Bill Nighy, Douglas Booth, María Valverde, Sam Reid, Daniel Mays.
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Miss!
God’s Own Country
Spring. Yorkshire. Young farmer Johnny Saxby numbs his daily frustrations with binge drinking and casual sex, until the arrival of a Romanian migrant worker for lambing season ignites an intense relationship that sets Johnny on a new path.
This has been described as “Brokeback Mountain” in Yorkshire, but I’ve not seen that film and it didn’t sound my bag anyway, and the trailer for this one looked dull as ditchwater.
Writer/Director: Francis Lee
Stars: Josh O’Connor, Alec Secareanu, Gemma Jones
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Miss!
Patti Cake$ is centered on aspiring rapper Patricia Dombrowski, a.k.a. Killa P, a.k.a. Patti Cake$ (Danielle Macdonald), who is fighting an unlikely quest for glory in her downtrodden hometown in New Jersey.
There’s been many a mockumentary over the years, but this breaks the mould… by appearing to be the least amusing.
Writer/Director: Geremy Jasper
Also stars: Bridget Everett, Siddharth Dhananjay, Cathy Moriarty
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Miss!
All Saints is based on the inspiring true story of salesman-turned-pastor Michael Spurlock (John Corbett), the tiny church he was ordered to shut down, and a group of refugees from Southeast Asia. Together, they risked everything to plant seeds for a future that might just save them all.
Sadly, it’s one for the God Squad. Pass!
Writer/director: Steve Gomer
Also stars: Cara Buono, Barry Corbin, Gregory Alan Williams
Hit or Miss? Verdict: Miss!
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.