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The Little Mermaid is Disney’s live action (almost) version of the classic Hans Christian Anderson story, in which we learn that mermaids don’t have tears… Well, even if they did, who would see them underwater?
With Javier Bardem (Dune Part One) as King Triton, the father of Ariel (Halle Bailey), the first bout of CGI is a big Shark Shark chase. She hangs around with a guppy called Flounder (Jacob Tremblay – Room) and a Northern gannet named Scuttle (Awkwafina – Renfield), the latter of which regularly eats fish, but not the guppy?
Nearby, the ship helmed by Prime Minister Sir Grimsby (Art Malik – Penance), along his wife – the Queen (Noma Dumezweni – The Undoing), apparently, and also transporting posh fop Eric (Jonah Hauer-King – The Flatshare), goes a bit ‘Titanic’, also sets on fire, and it’s down to Ariel to save his life, since she fancies him.
Meanwhile, the wicked sea witch of the West, Ursula (Melissa McCarthy – Can You Ever Forgive Me?), is the baddie of the piece, and makes a potion for our lead. If she uses it, she becomes a human for 3 days, and has that time to kiss Eric. If she doesn’t manage it, then she becomes Ursula’s servant forever, never to see the Overworld again… okay, the above-world, or whatever she called where the humans are. For some reason, she’s obsessed with that, but I’ll still call it the Overworld. Where’s Freddie Garrity as Oliver, when you need him?
Also, during this time, Ariel loses her voice. Finally, a woman who can’t talk all day long!
Overall, The Little Mermaid feels rather like Splash, but with Javier as Aquaman’s Dad. Most of it looks like it’s been shot in the dark, so if you did watch this in 3D, it’d be even darker. It’s sort-of dark in tone, too, since Ariel’s mum was killed by a human, so it’s yet another fairy tale centered around at least one dead parent.
Additionally, while there was criticism around casting a black actress in the lead role of a character who’s white, somehow Javier must get around, since of his daughters, they cover all races, including Chinese.
On the downside, the acting is incredibly flat. No-one is putting forth any effort whatsoever; it’s like amateur dramatics. The singing is fine, even though – since I haven’t seen the animated version – I didn’t get Homer Simpson’s version of Under The Sea.
On the plus side, there are a couple of good lines, such as when the Queen tells Eric, “No more chasing all after girls who don’t exist”. Ah, there’s a lesson for us all.
Plus, Eric states at another point, “Most people use too many words and have nothing to say”.
On a technical note, I saw it on a regular cinema screen where it is a widescreen ratio of 2.39:1 throughout, but I understand in IMAX, it’s opening up to 1.90:1 for the duration. A lot of it is framed for 2.39:1, so I doubt you’re missing much, although a panning group shot at the end would benefit from the opened-up image, because it looks very imbalanced.
This new version of The Little Mermaid was directed by Rob Marshall, who also brought us 2018’s Mary Poppins Returns. Hence, I’m not surprised that this film goes on way too long. MPR ran for around the same length of time, and after 45 minutes, I’d had enough, even though I stayed for the whole thing, as I did with this. However, I did notice some audience members leave after about 50 minutes, and a few more near me were gone by the 90-minute mark.
This version also features some lyrics newly and re-written by Lin-Manuel Miranda, who also helped ruin the aforementioned Emily Blunt vehicle. God knows why people keep hiring him.
The Little Mermaid is in cinemas now. It’s not yet available to pre-order on home formats, but you can buy the soundtrack on CD and Vinyl.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 135 minutes
Release date: May 26th 2023
Studio: Marvel Studios
Format: 1.90:1 (IMAX version); 2.39:1 (ARRIRAW (4.5K, 6.5K), Anamorphic Hawk Scope)
Cinema: Cineworld Didsbury
Rating: 3/10
Director: Rob Marshall
Producers: John DeLuca, Rob Marshall, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Marc Platt
Screenplay: David Magee
Music: Alan Menken
Cast:
Ariel: Halle Bailey
Eric: Jonah Hauer-King
Ursula: Melissa McCarthy
King Triton: Javier Bardem
The Queen: Noma Dumezweni
Sir Grimsby: Art Malik
Sebastian: Daveed Diggs
Flounder: Jacob Tremblay
Scuttle: Awkwafina
Vanessa: Jessica Alexander
Lashana: Martina Laird
Rosa: Emily Coates
Hawkins: Christopher Fairbank
Mulligan: John Dagleish
Cabin Boy: Matthew Carver
Joshua: Jude Akuwudike
Perla: Lorena Andrea
Indira: Simone Ashley
Mala: Karolina Conchet
Tamika: Sienna King
Karina: Kajsa Mohammar
Caspia: Nathalie Sorrell
Market Vendor: Jodi Benson
Hat Vendor: Julz West
Coconut Seller / dancer: Shay Barclay
Flower Vendor: Arina Li
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.