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The Monkey is a toy that… hang on, it’s not a toy. It’s definitely NOT a toy, and that’s a mistake a lot of people make, since when it’s set into motion, someone’s bound to die in a horrible way, even if they’re nowhere near it.
And it’s not like you can choose who it kills, once its right arm comes down and strikes the drum, IT chooses… so, hold on to your intestines!
The disturbing thing is discovered by twin sons Hal and Bill (both played by Christian Convery – Paw Patrol: The Mighty Movie) in 1999, long after their Dad has run away from the family home, with the words emblazoned upon it, “Turn the key and see what happens”. Given how much Bill was such a dick to Hal, the latter wants the former dead, but this monkey doesn’t take requests.
So, the answer is surely to get rid of it, but whatever they do, it keeps returning… even after burying it in a deep hole, same as Homer Simpson trying to dispatch of the evil Krusty doll (writer/director Osgood Perkins must’ve seen that!)
25 years later, in 2024… – making me think this was probably expected to be originally released last year – Hal’s working in a convenience store, and hasn’t seen Bill in years, with Theo James (The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance) pulling off both roles, same as Mr Convey.
He’s also become estranged from his son Petey (Colin O’Brien – Wonka), figuring that if he only sees him once a year, he won’t be killed by the creature. As such, his ex-wife – just referred to as “Petey’s Mom”, and played by Laura Mennell – and her other half, Ted (Elijah Wood – The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey IMAX 3D)… yes, this half of the couple actually gets a name, are about to permanently and legally adopt the lad.
But then Bill calls him out of the blue and more deaths ensue…
The Monkey has a few moments where things drag a bit, but mostly, this is as daft as it is well-paced, with a lot of gory deaths, making me wonder how this managed to be a 15-cert, when Heart Eyes was an 18.
Both Theo James and Christian Convery do a great job with the material – well backed-up with everyone in the supporting cast, and in a film with deaths aplenty, you can’t take your eyes off the screen for too long, if at all.
Just one problem… after directing Longlegs in 2.39:1, why the hell is this film in that awkward 2.00:1 ratio that doesn’t fit on ANY cinema screen properly?! Odeon still can’t be bothered to implement this ratio into its 2.39:1 screens, so when it’s shown on one of those, the projector is left in the 1.85:1 state, after the trailers, so the film has black bars top and bottom, as well as left and right, and it looks ridiculous.
But it’s a shame the monkey doesn’t take requests, because if you thought you’d come to the cinema to chat like you do at home, you picked the wrong screen…
After my experience in Heart Eyes, with a clown Instagramming her food, this time, it was a group of people who didn’t know how to behave in public.
I was in row D and in the aisle seat on the left-hand side of the central staircase, in a screen where rows A and B are in a separate front section (normally a draw for me, but in this case, even row B is far too close to the screen, so god knows how anyone manages to watch a film from that section – and during Barbenheimer, they’d have had no choice).
On the seatmap, on the right-hand side, SIX seats in row D were booked, along with the wheelchair space in row C. In practice, they were a whole group, where just four of the row D seats occupied, and two of them having relocated to row E. However, they couldn’t stay wholly quiet, muttering from time to time, before approximately halfway through when one woman from row D – who looked like she’d got dressed in Grandma’s curtains, and the two men in row E, ALL went to the toilet at the same time!
And bear in mind that this is a film where anyone can die at any time, so why would you want to be away from the screen?! Unless they’re not really watching it, of course.
On their return, the two men relocated to row C, next to the person in the wheelchair. As few minutes later, the man in row C who was closest to me leaned over the back of the chair to signal, AT NORMAL VOLUME, that he wanted some of whatever else she was now eating.
Now I’d had enough of their dicking about. I retorted, ALSO in normal volume, “Mate, can you stop talking, please?”
Surprised someone was talking to him, he turned even further clockwise to look over at me – even though it would’ve been more comfortable for him to turn anti-clockwise – while someone else on row D craned their neck forward to see who was addressing them. As they did, I put a finger to my lips and said, “SSSSHHH!”
Oh, and add to this, the rustling of their popcorn, earlier on. Okay, I take food in as well, but I know to stay quiet when the film does to, and I had food in my mouth inbetween a loud and quiet part of 2001: A Space Odyssey, so as soon as it went quiet, I thought to myself, “EEP!” and just had to sit there until it had passed 😀
The exit was closest to them, and once the film’s end credits began (which I stayed through), they left without looking back at me. HA! RUN, MOTHERFUCKERS!
The film features a post-credits scene and something else as detailed in my video below…
The Monkey is in cinemas now, and is available to pre-order on 4K Blu-ray, Blu-ray and DVD, ahead of its release date TBA.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 98 minutes
Release date: February 21st 2025
Studio: NEON
Aspect Ratio: 2.00:1
Cinema: Cineworld Didsbury
Rating: 7.5/10
Director: Osgood Perkins
Producers: Dave Caplan, Chris Ferguson, Brian Kavanaugh-Jones, James Wan
Screenplay: Osgood Perkins
Short story: Stephen King
Music: Edo Van Breemen
Cast:
Hal / Bill: Theo James
Lois: Tatiana Maslany
Young Hal / Young Bill: Christian Convery
Petey: Colin O’Brien
Ted: Elijah Wood
Petey’s Mom: Laura Mennell
Thrasher / Ricky: Rohan Campbell
Aunt Ida: Sarah Levy
Uncle Chip: Osgood Perkins
Barbara: Tess Degenstein
Babysitter Annie Wilkes: Danica Dreyer
Florence: Bea Perkins
Lt. Pepper: Kingston Chan
Dwayne: Zia Newton
Rookie Priest: Nicco Del Rio
Pawn Shop Owner: Shafin Karim
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.