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The Timeless Children is the series finale of Doctor Who Series 12, and follows on from last week’s penultimate one…
And I’ll discuss a lot of elements of this episode here, so expect spoilers if you haven’t already watched it.
The pound-shop Master took The Doctor through the boundary to a dead Gallifrey. How did he survive the green forest? And how is he doing anything? He isn’t saying. That’s because Chris Chibnall has had zero ideas on how to write a plot in this current series.
Father Jack is still running around with the Scooby Doo gang, along with a few others tagging along
Master-Lite put ol’ Three-quarter Length Trousers into a ‘paralysis field’, and then sent her somewhere to discover the secrets of Gallifrey, and “it’s going to hurt“… and… Zzzzz…
Then, ol’ beardy waffles on about the Tectaen, a race of people who developed space travel, and who then saved a child who turned into something alarmingly special… she regenerated. Hence, a small semblance of plot, and something we could’ve done with in the first episode, not the last one.
The aspect of only being able to regenerate 12 times is brought up, and it’s never been explained how Jodie came about, when we’ve had more than 12 regenerations (since Peter Capaldi was technically No.13), but when the revelation comes, Jodie is confused about how come she’s The Timeless Child. Well, surely, she should know? And if the whole thing started with a young girl, and since we know that William Hartnell’s Doctor was NOT a young girl, then he can’t have been the first Doctor?
Anyone explain that?
Even when pound-shop Master revealed he’d created an army of CyberMasters based on how Jodie came about, I felt no sense of panic because, by that point, there was 25 minutes left to go, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before we got a resolution.
Roger Delgado is spinning so fast in his grave, after tonight’s episode, that he could power Greta Thunberg’s 4×4!
In a bid to try and cram threads of storylines back together, and failing miserably, we saw Ruth’s Doctor from a few episodes ago, but no return of Captain Jack, so what the hell was the point of bringing him back? And, oh, about Ruth, what was the point in her ‘Doctor’ when she was used so briefly in this episode, and it felt so little of a passing thought in the her main one?
On the plus side, as Jodie went off to confront the Master and, perhaps, bump herself off for the greater good (which we know will never happen), she sent the Scooby Doo gang back to Earth on their own. Hopefully, that means we’ve seen the last of Yaz and Ryan, but I would like to see Graham return… perhaps as the new Doctor?
Well, sadly, they copped out at the end, as Father Jack returned to take out pound-shop beardy.
Kudos, however, to the Scooby Doo gang being teleported back to Earth in a house. If only real houses could be built that fast?
Well – and here comes a mention about the very last scene – as Jodie found safe haven back in her TARDIS, bad luck came back to haunt her with the quick return of the Judoon, who sentenced her to “whole of life imprisonment” in a cell block far, far away… even though we know she’ll escape in about five minutes at the start of the next episode.
And that one will be Revolution of the Daleks (yes, THEY are back again, FFS!), and it’s expected to be broadcast on January 1st 2021, since they’ve given up on the Christmas scheduling of Doctor Who episodes.
The Timeless Children is available on the BBC iPlayer.
You can pre-order this series on Blu-ray and DVD, ahead of its release on March 16th.
Out the same day, is the Limited Edition Blu-ray Steelbook.
Score: 1/10
Director: Jamie Magnus Stone
Producer: Nikki Wilson
Writer: Chris Chibnall
Cast:
The Doctor: Jodie Whittaker
Graham O’Brien: Bradley Walsh
Ryan Sinclair: Tosin Cole
Yasmin Khan: Mandip Gill
Ravio: Julie Graham
Ashad: Patrick O’Kane
Feekat: Steve Toussaint
Fakout: Barack Stemis
Ruth: Jo Martin
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.