X-Men – Cinema

Dom Robinson reviews

X-Men
Distributed by

20th Century FoxViewed at
UCI, Trafford Centre

• Cert:
• Running time: 104 minutes
• Year: 2000
• Released: 18th August 2000
• Widescreen Ratio : 2.35:1 (Panavision)
• Rating: 4/10

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Director:

Bryan Singer

(Apt Pupil, Public Access, Usual Suspects, X-Men)

Producers:

Lauren Shuler Donner and Ralph Winter

Screenplay:

David Hayter

Music :

Michael Kamen

Cast :

Professor Charles Xavier/X: Patrick Stewart
Magneto: Ian McKellen
Wolverine: Hugh Jackman
Dr. Jean Grey: Famke Janssen
Cyclops: James Marsden
Storm: Halle Berry
Rogue: Anna Paquin
Sabretooth: Tyler Mane
Toad: Ray Park
Mystique: Rebecca Romijn-Stamos
Senator Robert Kelly: Bruce Davison

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Storm has a bad hair day.

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X-Menis the long-awaited big-screen outing for the Marvel Comic superheroes that have magicpowers and – usually – two names, one real and one flashy.

Plot-wise, it’s good against evil and that’s about it. Magneto (IanMcKellen) has a device that’s going to turn all of mankind into thesame bad-guy mutants he’s got running around for him. It is possible tohave good-guy mutants though and that’s where telepathic wheelchair-boundProfessor Charles Xavier (aka X) (Patrick Stewart) comes in with hisspecial school for ‘gifted children’, or “Mutant High” as one kid calls it.

Rather than describe the background for every single one of the mob ondisplay, we only get to see the beginnings for Wolverine (Hugh Jackman,who looks a little like Ewan McGregor and sounds a lot like Mel Gibson).That will suffice though because the film feels like it takes so long to getgoing before we get any type of action.

Wolverine’s ability is to look as unkempt as Liam Gallagher and produce FreddyKrueger-style razor blades from his knuckles.

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“Whatever Geordi can do Picard, so can I!”

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First out of the good camp is the only one with a sensible name, Dr. Jean Grey(Famke Janssen), who undergoes a transformation too and gets to usethe force, Luke. She’s been dying to have a go at Xavier’slook-into-the-future-thingummyjig and when she does, it will transform herlife too.

Keeping up the rear are two-eyed Cyclops (James Marsden), presumably so-calledbecause of his special visor as displayed above, the electrying Storm (or Halle Berryin a dodgy long, white syrup) – whose qualities extend to whipping up a.. erm.. storm -and finally Rogue (Anna Paquin), played by the actress who won an Oscar in 1993 forplaying a whining little brat inThe Piano

,but she displays no award-winning ambitions here – just a hairdo at the end that looksstolen from Eastenders‘ Rosa di Marco.

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“It’s my way, or the hard way, okay?”

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The baddies are fronted by the aforementioned Magneto who has apparently borrowedJodie Foster’s sphere from Contact and uses the magnetic force to alter theDNA of those too close to appreciate it. We see the effect it has on abductedSenator Robert Kelly (Bruce Davison), who has been campaigning againstthe mutants. At first his life feels enriched, but it won’t be long beforehe’s not a well man.

Sabretooth (Tyler Mane) is Magneto’s right-hand ma.., er.. creature, but lookslike a cross between Chewbacca and Bungle from Rainbow. Star Wars chiefbaddie Darth Maul was portrayed by Ray Park – an actor who charges a ridiculous£15 a time for signatures – and here he plays Toad (not of Toad Hall), who has atongue that would put Kiss‘s Gene Vincent to shame.

Finally, bottle-blonde model Rebecca Romijn-Stamos portrays the almost-silentshape-shifting Mystique, who has a blue Monday every week.

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“I get one line of dialogue, but I CAN do it with feeling!”

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Overall, the film leaves you feeling very underwhelmed and certainly not veryX-cited. The special effects are nothing particularly adventurous these days andMagneto’s brief attempt at turning everyone’s brains to mush is as stretching asit gets.

For a 12-certificate, there’s quite a lot of violence within including multiplestabbings, many by Wolverine thanks to his metal talons. With its comic overtonesit gets away with the lower certificate, whereas Freddy routinely received an18 for his antics, but it’s not a film for kids under the certificate’s age, despitethe cinema’s complete lack of bothering to keep them out, as they did forThe World is Not Enoughand The Matrix.

By the end of the film, are we not meant to think that Xavier and Magnetoare enemies? It just looks like they’ve got the same “male-bonding” thing thatTarantino said Maverick and Iceman had in Top Gun 🙂

Either way, X-Men 2 and a further sequel are already on their way, with manyof the original cast members signed up for these additional exploits. No doubtthey’ll coin even more money in than this limp effort, which recently grossed morerevenue in its opening weekend than any other non-sequel (or non-prequel) in moviehistory.

Review copyright © Dominic Robinson, 2000.Visit the officialX-Men Website

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