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Host The Week proves the depths at which TV has sunk to these days by Channel 4 getting the most inept idiot they can find and hoping they can muddle through a programme about the past week’s events without a script, without a rehearsal and without having met any of the guests.
First up, educationally and mentally-subnormal Scarlett Moron-Chav, I mean, Scarlett Moffatt, who came to the fore in Channel 4’s Gogglebox. If you thought Host The Week was scraping the barrel dry, then Gogglebollocks got there much earlier!
Starting with a monologue containing pathetic, supposedly risque jokes (her initials are S&M – you can see where *that’s* going) and she even met some of the Gogglebox cast, all of whom looked like they should be on some sort of a register…
Plus, she got overexcited when she realised the guests included faded ’90s band Steps, who are on their comeback tour. They turned up on BBC Breakfast a couple of months back, announced in advance, several times, with “Steps are in the building!”… words that their local Jobcentre office have been saying every two weeks for the last 20 years.
Oh, and if she’s not meant to have a script, why is she reading from an autocue? Oh, because they had a piss-poor Channel 4 News spoof.
This was followed by a terrible Blind Date spoof (above) called Blind Mate (so much thought has gone into these titles!) with a Paul O’Grady rip-off – as if the real thing wasn’t irritating enough. Add in the same for This Morning (That Morning) and Family Fortunes (Relative Riches), plus a song from Steps who really can’t sing for toffee without autotune, and to add insult to injury – it’s clearly not live, since when Scarlett mouthed “Who is that?” – when she heard the man asking questions in the Blind Mate section was her hero, Duncan James from Blue.
And he’s gay, anyway, so he wouldn’t be interested in her. Still, Scarlett’s barely human, as it is, so you’d struggle to find anyone of any persuasion who’d give her house-room.
Finally, to add insult to insult to injury, you could also spot the joins in the edit.
Even Channel 4 see no point to this series, since while next week’s host is Jack Whitehall, after that… it disappears!
Any plus to this? Well, I’d rather the Doctor Who scripts were written by Scarlett Moffatt than Steven Moffat!
Oh, and one more – there was no interruption from a mouthy continuity announcer over the end credits because they played a crappy song about Scarlett Moffatt at the end.
Host The Week continues (or concludes) next Thursday on Channel 4 at 9pm, and then later on All4, but it will NEVER be released on Blu-ray and/or DVD. Click on the top image of Blind Mate for the full-size version.
Updated 29.6.17: That second episode appears to have been cancelled and replaced with the first of a new series of 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Host The Week must’ve really tanked in the ratings!!!
Episode 1 Score: 0/10 (and that’s generous!!!)
Host: Scarlett Moffatt
Guests: Duncan James, Lee Latchford-Evans, Claire Richards, Lisa Scott-Lee, Faye Tozer, Ian Watkins
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.