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Dan Owen reviews
2 0 0 5 R e t r o s p e c t i v eP a r t O n e
JANUARYThe year began on a satirical note with Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s culthit Team America: World Police. The movie wasn’t the expected SouthPark sized success, although it certainly proved to be a refreshinglyoriginal splicing of adult humour and Thunderbirds-style puppetry.
Elsewhere, Oliver Stone’s potentially Oscar-baiitng Alexander provedto be a huge dud at the box office, marred by an edit that toned down thetitular character’s legendary debauchery and bisexuality.
Closer, with its stellar cast of actors actually given a decentscript to sink their teeth into, became a deserved hit, but again missedout on picking up Mr Oscar. Still, it was amazing to be reminded howgreat Natalie Portman can be when not directed by George Lucas, and CliveOwen continued to confirm his post-Croupier hot property label.
FEBRUARYBill Murray had a good year, following on from last year’sLost In Translation,he returned for another movie with Wes Anderson inThe Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou.Murray took the lead (for the first time in Anderson movie after supportingroles in Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums) and relished everymoment. The movie itself was a charming sea-faring fantasy with plenty torecommend, but proved a little too left-field for most audiences.
On a more crowd-pleasing note, Constantine became the post-Matrix moviefor Keanu Reeves. Despite deviations from the original source material (theoccult protagonist is actually a blonde Brit), Constantine managed toavoid failure thanks to some interesting visuals and some brilliantly realizedgimmicks (puddle + cat = gateway to hell). Don’t bet on a sequel, though…
MARCHThe Machinist wasn’t a massive success, but proved Christian Bale asone of the most dedicated actors currently working. The weight loss heunderwent to star as the insomniac lead in this intelligent thriller wasstaggering, and the fact he piled on the muscle to play Batman straightafter is all the more amazing. Great movie too! APRILFew movies have a production history as long and complicated as Douglas Adams’The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy.
First a radio series, then a series of books, then a classic BBC TV series,and now a Hollywood movie. In the end, just a few years after Adams’ sad death,the movie was the dictionary definition of “mixed bag”. The visuals weregenerally fun and interesting, the creature effects were great, but the plotwas convoluted and too saggy for a movie, while the casting ranged fromdependable (Sam Rockwell), to disappointing (Martin Freeman. One last thing:so did they ever deliver that gun to John Malkovich?)
Disappointing sequels don’t come much more disappointing than Be Cool,the John Travolta starring sequel to Get Shorty. A great cast (Uma Thurman,et al) couldn’t hide the cracks in this altogether mediocre second outingfor Chili Palmer as he joins the music biz.
Forget what I wrote above about Be Cool, the year’s worst sequel was surelyThe Ring 2. Same actors, same writer, the director of the original(some say scarier) Japanese movie… and it all equalled the most turgid wasteof time for any horror fan. Save for a few jumps, Ring 2 disappoints in almostevery way and reduces the ghostly Samara to just another rent-a-spook.
It may not have had mass appeal, but The League Of Gentlemen’s Apocalypsewas a decent big-screen outing for the Brtish comedy-horror troupe. Still,there wasn’t enough Royston Vasey for longtime fans of the series, and itproved too bewildering for anyone not familiar with the BBC series. Anentertaining oddity that quite rightly tried to give fans something different…but unfortunately forgot to include the elements of the TV series fansparticularly enjoyed.
The best comic-book movie of the year is a close fought contest between abillionairre who likes to dress as a flying rodent andSin City.Sin City? You’ll never forget it once you see it. A superb trawl through thedingy streets of (Ba)sin City in four vignettes packed with acerbic humour,decapitations, multilations, brawling, shooting, torture, cannibalism and ayellow-skinned paedophile. Robert Rodriguez gave us his best film… er,ever… and showed George Lucas how to shoot a film using 95% greenscreen.
MAYThere have been plenty of memorable scenes and some stunning special-effectsalong the way, but it’s generally agreed that George Lucas’ Star Wars prequelshave been damp squibs. However, thankfully, Star Wars Episode III: RevengeOf The Sith managed to slightly buck the trend. Yes, it remains woefullyscripted and containing enough duff scenes to sink key moments (one word:NOOOOO!), but Episode III was destined to rise above its predecessors thanksto its greater cohesion with the original (better) trilogy and the iconiccreation of cinema’s greatest sci-fi villain – Darth Vader.
It wasn’t a good year for the epic movie. Back in 2000, Ridley Scottresurrected the genre with the fabulousGladiator,but with last year’s Troy proving disappointing, many thought Scott wouldremind everyone how it’s done with Kingdom Of Heaven. Many thoughtwrong. As beautiful as the movie is, what sinks Kingdom Of Heaven is astoryline without much direction and the casting of Orlando Bloom (tooyoung and goodlooking to ever be realistic in this plot).
JUNEThe real life sexual activity of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie overshadowedjust how entertaining and funMr & Mrs Smithactually was, unfortunately. Still, in a plot that merged The War Of TheRoses with True Lies (in fact, this is that movies sequel insome respects), Mr & Mrs Smith is just good popcorn entertainment.
Paris Hilton dies. In House Of Wax. Audiences watch. Audiences applaud.Horror fans discuss the remake’s parallels to the original movie. Everyoneelse punches the air when Paris Hilton dies and mutter “is she the birdout of 24?” in cinemas the world over.
In 1997 the Batman franchise died with Joel Schumacher’s abomination. Now,seven years later, we go “bat to basics” with Batman Begins. In comesan acclaimed director (Christopher Nolan), a rising new star (Christian Bale),a stellar supporting cast (Caine, Freeman, Neeson) and the expectedspecial-effects excellence. More importantly, in comes a story that treatsthe Batman legend with the respect it deserves.
In one movie, the four previous entries look like dry runs, Adam West lookseven more ridiculous… and the world awaits the return of The Joker withbated breath. Take that Spider-Man!
2005 Retrospective Part TwoPage Content copyright © Dan Owen, 2005.
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Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.