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Materialists – The film where I caused a BOMB SCARE at Odeon! But more on that later…
As for the film, I started to wonder if I was in the right screen, given how it opens in caveman times, with a scene of the first couple getting married.
Lucy (Dakota Johnson – Madame Web) is one of the top-flight employees at the dating agency where she works, although life ain’t all sunshine and rainbows, as not every date works out, so she often ends up breaking the bad news to the client – as if they wouldn’t gather that had happened if they get ghosted.
On the plus side, though, she’s celebrating her 9th wedding, and upon attending that, she meets finance whizz Harry (Pedro Pascal – The Last Of Us Season 2), who’s the groom’s brother. Elsewhere, her ex-boyfriend John (Chris Evans – Red One) is a jobbing actor, as well as a part-time waiter at wedding caterers, so he’s not far away.
Along the way, there’s an accusation of abuse in one relationship that’s set up through the agency, although that does feel rather like a sideplot thrown in just to eek out the running time, since it feels at odds with the ‘happy love triangle story’ between whether or not Lucy will end up with Harry, or go back with her ex, John. Either way, she’s the only one of the three who hasn’t been in a Fantastic Four movie!
There’s also talk about some men having an operation where they pay $200K to have their legs broken, and when they set again with metal frames intalled, you’re now six inches taller. Sounds fucking gross. However, afterwards, I did read about a 5’7″ student who did this, paid £36,000, and became 3.7 inches taller. I’m also 5’7″, but ewwwww…. no thanks! Especially since he went to Turkey to have it done, and we’ve all heard about how badly wrong those Turkey Teeth operations can go!
Plus, when Lucy wakes up in Harry’s bed one morning, after a night of “how’s your father”, why does she bring the sheets up around her breasts? I seem to remember them hanging out a great deal during her Christian Grey years.
More concerning, though, Harry has a $12m apartment, so why does he wear his outdoor shoes INSIDE?! There’s 400,000 particles of faeces on the sole of the average shoe!
There’s a flashback for Lucy and John, showing how they could be at odd, since she doesn’t mind paying $25 for a parking space ahead of going to a fancy restaurant, whereas he just doesn’t want to waste money like that, even if she does have it to spare. I also think it would be a waste. Even if I won £1m, I still wouldn’t want to throw money away on unnecessary things.
And since John is meant to be a slob, why does he have time for a perfectly-coiffed beard?
Anyway, as a film itself, it’s nothing more than a bog-standard love triangle story, and I didn’t care who Lucy ended up with, if anyone. Previously, I absolutely loved Celine Song’s Past Lives, but while I didn’t hate it, oh, how Materialists just leaves me cold.
But about how Odeon thought I had a bomb in my bag!
Okay, not quite, but potentially the same process was carried out as if I had, and at least it provided a bit of spark to this otherwise so-so film.
As usual, after scanning in for a film, I set off for the screen (no.17, in this case), only to see a sight I hadn’t seen previously… the sound of the pre-film adverts was heard, although the screen was blank. Everyone else was just sat in their seats as if it was normal. In hindsight, as I arrived at my seat in the middle of a Premiere row, I should’ve asked the two women on the end of the row if someone had reported it already.
A possible reason for this is that for the previous screening, if no-one is booked in for a film, then after the film has been running for 20 minutes, the hard drive playing the film will continue to run, but the projector is switched off to save the wear and tear on the lamp. Hence, the audio still plays out through the speakers. It’s much more preferable than trying to stop/start the hard drive, since that’s programmed to run throughout the day, and you don’t want to mess that up.
Anyhoo, as usual, I put my bag and jacket down, and headed off to the toilet, but this time, via where you scan the ticket, to report the fact the screen was off.
Turned out, this had already been done, and the lady checked over her walkie talkie, and by that point, apparently, the screen was now back on. All good, so I headed to the toilet, was gone a few minutes for reasons you can imagine, and then back to screen 17.
As I got closer, those two women were standing outside the screen and two staff members also came out, holding my jacket and bag. Oh no, had the projector failed and there was no showing? After all, that film’s start time was 2.10pm, and my next one, Eddington (ALSO with the omnipotent Mr Pascal!), wasn’t until 4.30pm.
Nope. Although the staff didn’t say who made the report, my wares were reported as unattended baggage! Normally, I wouldn’t be gone so long, as I don’t normally have to report a blank screen.
And so THAT’S why those two women were outside, because they obviously thought my bag would explode. Unlikely, given that it contained sandwiches, crisps and water. Then again, I do like red onion in my sandwiches, so that might always backfire on me later, but that’s a different matter.
Staff said it was a false alarm, and I was just glad the film was still on, and I collected my things and went back and sat down again. A few minutes later, those two women came back in… and took their seats at the end of the row, but the one in front of me. They clearly thought I might give them evils… and then around 2/3 of the way into the film, they got up from there, and sat even closer to the screen, but again at the same end of that row.
NOTE: There is a scene which takes place during the end credits. Check out the video below for the info.
Materialists is in cinemas now, and is available to pre-order on Blu-ray and DVD.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 117 minutes
Release date: August 15th 2025
Aspect ratio: 1.85:1 (35mm)
Studio: A24
Cinema: Odeon Trafford Centre
Rating: 5.5/10
Director: Celine Song
Producers: Jorge Hernández Aldana, David Hinojosa, Pamela Koffler, Celine Song, Christine Vachon, Cristina Velasco
Screenplay: Celine Song
Music: Daniel Pemberton
Cast:
Lucy: Dakota Johnson
John: Chris Evans
Harry: Pedro Pascal
Sophie: Zoë Winters
Violet: Marin Ireland
Daisy: Dasha Nekrasova
Rose: Emmy Wheeler
Charlotte: Louisa Jacobson
Robert: Eddie Cahill
Mason: Sawyer Spielberg
Trevor: Joseph Lee
Mark P.: John Magaro
Audrey: Nedra Marie Taylor
Eleanor: Sietzka Rose
Patricia: Halley Feiffer
Beth: Madeline Wise
Logan: Ian Stuart
Ron: Dan Domenech
Jenn: Rachel Zeiger-Haag
Jaime: Alison Bartlett
Linda: Lindsey Broad
Wedding Singer: Baby Rose
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.