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Moana 2 sees the titular character, voiced by Auli’i Cravalho (Mean Girls 2024), return for a sequel where I haven’t seen the first one, but figured plot-wise, this wouldn’t exactly be ‘The Usual Suspects‘, and it didn’t take long to pick up on how our heroine is sailing back to land for another mission to accomplish, after looking for peoples connected to the ocean and her ability to control water to a degree… unless that’s just in her imagination and she’s been on a bit of the ol’ marching powder.
As luck would have it, malicious storm god Nalo (Tofiga Fepulea’i) has exerted his power over us mere mortals, by sinking a legendary island called Motufetu. If Moana can’t find a way to raise it like the Titanic, scores more people will die.
The first I saw of this film – and yes, it’s the aspect ratio nerd in me – was the fact that the trailer was presented in 2.00:1, when I expected it to be 2.39:1 like the first one. Such a ratio causes a problem in cinemas anyway, since as I’ve covered before (and am still trying to get changed at Odeon and Cineworld), it should zoom in slightly, but doesn’t, so is treated like a 1.85:1 film, and ends up with black bars all round. Cinemas should pay attention, given how many more films are in the 2.00:1 format these days, including last year’s Barbie, which was the biggest film of 2023.
As for why 2.00:1? Because it was originally made as a Disney+ series, but after flops like Wish, Disney needs money. In the end, they just cut it together (seemingly at random, as the plot was almost non-existent) so they had some action and some songs, but nothing to stop me yawning. I’ve since learned that the process of cutting a series into a film version is to “trenchcoat” it, to shove it all under one ‘coat’, I understand that as.
Following this, and with lots of individuals joining her on her mission, since every man and his rooster wants to tag along – none of whose names I knew until I looked them up afterwards – Moana drops in a paraphrased line from Jaws, with “I’m gonna need a bigger canoe”. Plus, there’s a line from a young man who draws images on pieces of cloth, stating, “It’s part of a series”, as this film was meant to be.
While Moana 2 does have high-quality animation, it also has a paper-thin plot – including Moana & co. getting harrassed by Coconut-shaped pirates – and not actually that much Maui (Dwayne Johnson), either. I thought Johnson was huge? He’s barely in it until the film is half-over, then tags along for a while, being disappearing again. And despite playing a demi-God, it still didn’t make him able to turn up to work on time for Red One, sending that film’s budget soaring.
I also saw Moana 2 in 3D, and while I could see from the seat map that screenings for this film were rammed in both 2D and 3D (I have a 2D screen seat map above), when I went on the Monday, I was the only one there! The other apparently-taken seats are ‘house seats’ in case VIPs turn up, but such seats would only be unlocked if the room became completely full.
The 3D had some good moments such as when Maui twirls his hook about, plus a scene with lightning, but there wasn’t a huge amount to write home about. Inside Out 2 still beats any other 3D cinema experience I’ve had in 2024.
Financially, though, this dull drivel has taken a ton of cash and as a result, Moana 3 is being developed for cinema. If you have to make it, then just put it in 2.39:1 like the first film, FFS!
Moana 2 is in cinemas now, but isn’t yet available to pre-order on Blu-ray or DVD. However, once announced, it will appear on the New DVD Blu-ray 3D and 4K releases UK list.
However, you can buy a load of Moana 2 merchandise.
There’s also the CD Soundtrack and Purple Vinyl Soundtrack!.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 100 minutes
Release date: November 29th 2024
Studio: Disney
Aspect Ratio: 2.00:1
(ARRIRAW (6.5K), Anamorphic Ultra Panavision 70)
Cinema: Odeon Trafford Centre
Rating: 2/10
Directors: David G Derrick Jr, Jason Hand, Dana Ledoux Miller
Producers: Christina Chen, Yvett Merino
Screenplay: Jared Bush, Dana Ledoux Miller
Music: Mark Mancina
Voice cast:
Moana: Auli’i Cravalho
Maui: Dwayne Johnson
Moni: Hualalai Chung
Loto: Rose Matafeo
Kele: David Fane
Matangi: Awhimai Fraser
Simea: Khaleesi Lambert-Tsuda
Chief Tui: Temuera Morrison
Sina: Nicole Scherzinger
Gramma Tala: Rachel House
Tautai Vasa: Gerald Faitala Ramsey
Heihei: Alan Tudyk
Tamatoa: Jemaine Clement
Nalo: Tofiga Fepulea’i
Moanabe: Jasmine Johnson
Moanabe: Tiana Johnson
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.