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Dom Robinson reviews
The Complete First Series
VCI
- Cert:
- Cat.no: VCD 0228
- Running time: 145 minutes
- Year: 2001
- Pressing: 2002
- Region(s): 2, PAL
- Chapters: 42 plus extras
- Sound: Dolby Digital 2.0 (Stereo)
- Languages: English
- Subtitles: None
- Widescreen: 1.77:1
- 16:9-enhanced: Yes
- Macrovision: Yes
- Disc Format: DVD 9
- Price: £19.99
- Extras: Trailers, Out-takes, Deleted Scenes, Armchair Shopping Superstoreuncut, Audio Commentary
Director:
- Johnny Campbell
Buy from 
Producer:
- John Rushton and Mark Herbert
Screenplay:
- Peter Kay, Dave Spikey and Neil Fitzmaurice
Music
- Various
Cast:
- Brian Potter/Max: Peter Kay
Jerry St. Clair: Dave Spikey
Ray Von: Neil Fitzmaurice
Paddy: Patrick McGuinness
Les: Toby Foster
Alan: Steve Edge
Kenny Senior: Archie Kelly
Young Kenny: Justin Moorhouse
Holy Mary: Janice Connolly
Marion: Beatrice Kelley
Den Perry: Ted Robbins
Spencer: Daniel Kitson
Mike Fiddler: Tim Healy
The Captain: Ced Beaumont
Eric: Bernard Wrigley
Clinton Baptiste: Alex Lowe
Tracy Burns: Sally Lindsay
Beverley: Jo Enright
Mary: Sian Foulkes
Spawned from a one-off story, Phoenix Nightswas one of seven episodes (if you count “The Services” pilot on Comedy Lab) fromThat Peter Kay Thing, which went on to get two full series, as I write.
The Phoenix is a working men’s club in Bolton, Greater Manchester, run byBrian Potter (Peter Kay) and the first episode sees the grand re-openingby special guest Roy Walker. Everything should go well, despite thefact that bouncer Max (also played by Kay) fell through the window earlier whenputting a banner up and that the only fruit machine they could get was onebased on the German warboat film,Das Bootand, to make matters worse, the thing only pays out in Deutschmarks!
There’s also friction between Max and the other bouncer, Paddy, as the formertaunts the latter about his premature balding. Problems are also abound forwhen the first song from Jerry “The Saint” St. Clair (Dave Spikey) getsunderway as the electrics die, so cue electrician-cum-DJ Ray Von (NeilFitzmaurice) who turns up and wires the club to… the lamp post outside.During the dark silence inbetween, a folk band, led by Mick Fiddler (TimHealy) arrive on stage, but they’re half into their first song beforeit’s pointed out to Brian how racist their lyrics are.
Brian makes his a large one.
Episode 2 opens with a tragedy – not only does Brian find out that his newresident DJ was almost prosecuted for the murder of a young girl, but theirlegendary old doorman, affectionately known as The Captain (Ced Beaumont), isfound dead at the end of a night at the Phoenix club. It’s during his wakethat the “Das Boot” chooses to pay out in the aforementioned – and now-defunct -German coinage while shouting “Jackpot!”
The next day, the snooker table needs re-siting as it slopes towards one cornerand no-one seems to bat an eyelid as two men just walk in and take the club’sTV – while people are watching it! Kenny Senior (Archie Kelly) runsafter them though, knocks on their car window, saying “Not as clever as youthink you are, eh?” They begin to panic until… Kenny continues, “Youforgot this” and hands them the remote control(!)
And I haven’t even begun to detail the disaster that is the Wild West Night…an appearance from Wild Bill and his horse Trigger, which promptly dumps onthe cabaret suite’s £30,000 cork floor, Paddy and Max’s discussion onSean Connery’s “wig” films, a gunfight between Yorkshire and Lancashire thatturns into a mass fight and a drunken horse having sex with the bronco machine(Brian: “Oh, we’ve not got a licence for this.”)
A drunken Trigger says hello.
Tonight’s the night for International Psychic Clinton Baptise (or “Pyskick”as Young Kenny’s poster states), as episode 3 begins, even though he has hadto phone up to find out what time he’ll be on and causes offence to everyone.
The Phoenix has finally got a new widescreen TV, albeit one that picks upCracker in a language that’s far from English and shows Armchair Super Store,plus the dartboard’s been nicked… not the whole unit containing the casingand scoreboards too – just the dartboard!
But this episode is best known for the appearance of Fire Safety OfficerKeith Lard (again played by Kay), who had been alleged to have had sexual relationswith dogs – thus getting Channel 4 a writ from and thus issuing an apology toBolton’s similarly-named and employed Keith Laird – and his literal breakdownof the dance classic, “Disco Inferno”.
When I first put this review online I said: “I’m sure there was more of Lard’sappearance in the episode than is broadcast here though. Either way, theonscreen apology that was broadcast at the time of the repeat of this episodeappears at the end here too.”
I’ve since realised that Keith Lard first made an appearance in That PeterKay Thing in the “Eyes Down” episode set at the Apollo Bingo club in Bolton,for which Lard’s past caught up with him at the end of the show.
He means ‘Psychic’.
For the fourth episode, it’s Singles Night. You can tell it’s singles night“because they’re all hangin'” While Max feels lonely, Paddy taps barmaidHoly Mary’s daughter, also called Mary, Brian discovers that Ray Von didn’treally murder his girlfriend Tracy Burns because she’s there in the flesh,and then said club owner goes on to find love with Beverley and sings thekaraoke favourite, “You are the wind beneath my wheels.”
A night out.. at Brian’s house doesn’t quite go to plan – a meal from a burgerbar, a drop of Blue Nun, a bite of his toblerone, a listen to a bit of Marvinand a video of fireworks…which changes to something less palatable. Thingsare bound to get moving when he buys a new waterbed though…
A bowling mishap.
It’s match day and a group of dwarves descend upon the Phoenix (Max: “Howfar away are they?”) – cue a pre-credits punch-up which the two bounceslose unceremoniously. After that we see Jerry in the doctor’s awaiting an analprobe while in the background you can hear the radio belting out The Waterboys’“Whole of the Moon”.
Jerry’s alternative comedy night, The Funny Farm, gets off to a rousing startwith an act who opens, “Is it me, or do all pensioners stink of piss?”As for the rest, none of them raise even a flutter of a smile, while a teachercalled Darius storms the stage in the nude to shriek indistinguishably at thetop of his voice. “Is this as bad as it gets?”, asks Brian. Kenny Seniorreplies: “He taught me metalwork”.
In the other room is a Robot Wars tournament, one potential winner beingMax and Paddy’s concoction. Well, it’s more like a dead-cert since thecontest is rigged as they blatantly cheat and split the winnings with Ray Von.
The original Darius.
As the series draws to a close, Jerry’s given a clean bill of health, thePhoenix has got the Talent Trek grand final and, most important of all, Maxhas just installed a new car alarm that shouts out, “GET BACK YER BASTARD,OR I’LL BREAK YOUR LEGS!!”.
However, the club’s only managed to swipe Talent Trek from under Den Perry’snose by claiming that Jerry isn’t okay and is actually at death’s door andwon’t see Christmas… but did he really have to sing Terry Jacks’ “Seasonsin the Sun”?
When Right Said Frank, the replacements for Les Alanos are revealed to be car thieves, Brianhas to call them back up and interrupt their performance of Karate Kid:The Musical. Once news of Jerry’s miraculously-improved condition hasspread around, Den Perry gives the club its final swansong…
Jerry’s results are announced.
There’s so much going on in each episode of the show that you need to see eachone at least two or three times. So many one-liners, so much input from PeterKay be it physical or verbal (even doing the radio jingles for “ChorleyFM – coming in your ears!”)
In the second episode when Brian is unimpressed with his wonky snooker tableand the new bucking bronco machine, Eric tries to persuade him:
- Eric: “I’ll throw in an aeroplane for you too. Only one previous owner.”
Brian: “Who.. John Denver?”
Eric: “Come on, give it a week and it’ll be shitting money!”
Brian: “If not, it’d better be shitting snooker tables!”
Jerry’s observation on the pensioners enjoying the new bucking bronco ride:
- “Look at them. I’ve not seen them this excited since
they printed that paedophile’s address in t’paper.”
Les’ drama group need a place to rehearse their new play, Karate Kid: TheMusical, since their usual haunt is being fumigated.
- Brian: “And you want to know if you can use one of mine?”
Les: “It’ll only be for a couple of days.”
Brian: “That’s what they said to Terry Waite.”
Fire Safety officer Keith Lard makes a visit:
- Brian: “You know Keith Lard. Got done for interfering with dogs.”
Jerry: “He got off, though, didn’t he?”
Brian: “You wanna try getting an alsatian t’testify.”
Comments on Jerry’s aftershave:
- Max: “What you got on? You stink!”
Jerry: “Something you can’t afford.”
Paddy: “What… Febreeze?”
Brian and Beverley get it on:
- Beverley: “I’m not the person that you think I am.”
Brian: “You’re not a bloke are yer, or used to be… like Hayley?”
Beverley: “No, I’ve never been a bloke. I work for the DSS. They
sent me to investigate you for fraudulent disability claims.”
Seedy activities for Paddy:
- Paddy: “Prostitutes are rough in Amsterdam. First one
I went with made me wash me old man in t’sink.”
Max: “You took yer Dad?”
On interviewing a Robot Wars contestant:
- Brian: “That a robot is it, son?”
Contestant: “Actually the term… automaton. The Cleaner’s
multidirectional, it’s fitted with a twin-wizard blade mechanism
at the back and it’s also got a trip-hammer device at the front.”
Brian: “You ever kissed a girl?”
I’ve become quite a fan of a Friday night out at the Comedy Store in Manchestertoo, this year, most times of which seem to feature someone from Phoenix Nights,such as Dave Spikey (Jerry), Archie Kelly (Kenny Senior) and Toby Foster (Les).
The programme was filmed in 16:9 and is presented as such here on DVD (shameabout the poor VHS owners who have to make do with 14:9 – why do they botherwith the extra BBFC expense? Just give the public 16:9 throughout and be donewith it!) As for the quality, the encoding is above average, but on some indoorscenes, particularly those on stage, you can see blocking in the background.Other than that, there’s no noticeable problems.
The sound is perfectly fine – regular Dolby Surround that doesn’t get muchto do during dialogue-only scenes, but gets across all those chicken-in-a-basketnumbers perfectly.
The extras, all in anamorphic 16:9 widescreen, begin with One Man and HisHorse (9 mins), a documentary but of what I’m not entirely sure. It’s morea behind-the-scenes look at the second episode where a drunk Trigger… well, youread that above. 17 minutes of Deleted Scenes and 29 minutes ofOuttakes are great to watch more than once, one of my favourites beingwhen suggestions are requested for a Singles Night and Young Kenny deviates fromthe subject to discuss “Stars in Their Eyes”.
All five Armchair Super Store adverts are included as are two brief30-second trailers which showcased the first two episodes. Weren’t there anyfor the rest of the series? An audio commentary runs throughout the series butI’ve not had chance to check that out yet.
All the menus are animated with clips from the show and sound mixing musicfrom the series and soundbites (eg. “I’m getting the word…. nonce!”),there are 7 chapters per episode, but sadly no subtitles.
PICTURE QUALITY
SOUND QUALITY
EXTRAS
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Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.