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Paul Greenwood reviews

Men in Black II

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Director:

Cast:

This is little short of a travesty. Where the first film was fresh and original, this is merely a tired collection of abysmal jokes (remarkably, there are even more tumbleweed moments here than there were in Goldmember) and dodgy effects hanging around and waiting for a movie to come by. Unfortunately, it never does. Mercifully, we only have to sit and gape in numbed silence for barely 80 minutes, leaving you torn between being glad it's over, and feeling ripped off at having paid £5 for a three-quarter length movie.

Plot rarely matters in special effects driven popcorn movies, but even by those low standards, this is something of an insult. I genuinely can't put into coherent sentences what I think this film was about, other than some snake-headed space-bitch wanting to find something called The Light of Zartha, for purposes it hurts my head to try and remember. Only Agent K knows the whereabouts, but he doesn't know he knows because, if you recall, he had his memory wiped at the end of the first film and, when we meet him here, he now works in a post office and is called Kevin. The plan is to de-neuralize him so the Men In Black can find the Light before the earth is destroyed... blah, blah, blah.

There's very much a sense that the makers are desperately trying re-hash the elements of the original that got the biggest laughs, as well as cramming in as many bizarre new aliens as possible, because they're painfully aware of their lack of original ideas. As a result, Shalhoub returns in a pointless cameo as alien shopkeeper, Jeebs, one of the first film's most memorable and amusing characters. Here, he doesn't even raise a smile. Frank the talking dog gets trotted out again, and actually provides almost all of the few available laughs. The worm guys get more screen time than before, but they are now more annoying than funny. Thank God for the ever reliable Torn as Zed, bringing some much needed class to the proceedings.

Of the new characters, Boyle gets very little to do as the baddy, Serleena, mainly because she spends most of her time as a mass of CGI snakes. When she's herself, she doesn't seem to be trying very hard. Dawson, as a human who witnesses an alien murder and then becomes something of a romantic interest for Smith, is neither here nor there. Worst of all is the stunningly untalented Knoxville (of Jackass infamy), whose CGI second head actually looks worse than Zaphod Beeblebrox did in The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy from over 20 years ago. He proves conclusively that he's only funny when he's careering into walls in a shopping trolley or being zapped with a stun gun.

You have to feel sorry for Smith and Jones, because they do look as if they're trying their best with material from which they clearly know they have precious little hope of salvaging laughs. They can't entirely escape blame though, since I think it's safe to assume they read the script before agreeing to appear in the film. A wafer-thin script obviously still doesn't outweigh a hefty paycheck.

(And I want to know what happened to Linda Fiorentino from the first film, appearing as Elle/Agent L - DVDfever Ed)

Review copyright © Paul Greenwood, 2002.

E-mail Paul Greenwood

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Andy Serkis Batman Benedict Cumberbatch call of duty Calvin Harris Chris Hemsworth Dave Bautista doctor who Domhnall Gleeson doom Drake E3 2017 E3 2018 Ed Sheeran grand theft auto Grand Theft Auto V GTA gta 5 gta5 gta v Idris Elba Inside No.9 Jenna Coleman Jennifer Lawrence Jess Glynne Justin Bieber los santos Michael Fassbender Murray Gold Oscar Isaac Peter Capaldi Reece Shearsmith rockstar Sam Smith Samuel L. Jackson Scarlett Johansson Sia Stan Lee Stanley Tucci star wars Steven Moffat Steve Pemberton Taylor Swift Toby Jones Woody Harrelson

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