Skip to content
Stowaway (aka The Yacht) begins with the film’s lead protagonist, Bella Denton (Ruby Rose – SAS: Red Notice), almost drowning as a child, while out on a yacht with her father.
Fast-forward to the present day, her father has passed away and biker chick Bella has inherited the boat from him, and it just happens to be named after her. Pointing her in the right direction is Ed Meeser (Frank Grillo – Boss Level), who was in the military with her father.
However, once Ed has exited stage right, and she’s on her own with new one-night stand Michael (Patrick Schwarzenegger), baddies board the boat while they’re asleep and start it moving.
The billing speculates that Stowaway is ‘Die Hard meets Panic Room on a yacht’. I remember throughout the ’90s, every action film made was “Die Hard on a…” etc, after the runaway success of the movie that made Bruce Willis a star (well, beyond seeing him previously in Moonlighting).
That said, Huey and Dewey (well, Jim and Sunshine, for all the difference it makes) have to open a safe by cutting through multiple locks including a biometric lock… and some bad CGI sparks flying off the safe. What are they hoping to attain? The $80m within.
Even without ripping that film off, this is a story we’ve seen countless times before. There’s also a moment where someone is shot and the blood spray looks like a bad Photoshop job. Meanwhile, an explosion looks like someone spilled a can of yellow and red paint (if it’s possible for two colours to be in a can, and NOT mix).
No cliche is left unused, such as trying to text for help when there’s no signal, as well as trying to signal to a passing boat that’s not interested in helping anyone. And that just seems to be down to Ms Rose, since Patrick Schwarzenegger appears to literally jump ship early on, leaving her to it, and I was wondering if/when Schwarzenegger… would be back?
Occasionally, it’s fun to watch a film where they purposely made a terrible movie that was just for TV, with a budget smaller than a single episode of Neighbours. However, they clearly didn’t put in an ounce of effort to the script, acting or direction.
Plus, since setting the boat moving only attracted attention, why did Jim and Sunshine set it going anyway, given that they weren’t available to steer it, as they had to open the safe?! Ah, yes, see my previous paragraph where I mention the script.
Maybe I’ll give Stowaway (aka The Yacht) – since it has two titles – 1/10 for some nice present-day sea-based camera shots before anyone starts talking, shooting… or doing anything.
Thanks to our friends at AMC+ for the screener prior to release.
Stowaway (aka The Yacht) is on AMC+ from Friday August 5th, but the film isn’t yet available to pre-order on Blu-ray or DVD. I understand AMC+ is available on Amazon Prime UK on a subscription basis, but I haven’t found it on there.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 95 minutes
Release date: August 5th 2022
Studio: AMC+
Aspect Ratio: 2.39:1
Rating: 1/10
Director: Declan Whitebloom
Producers: Adam Beasley, Ford Corbett, Mike Dill, Michael Jefferson, Nathan Klingher, Jib Polhemus, Lowell Shapiro, Anthony Standberry, Ryan Winterstern
Screenplay: Ian Hayden
Music: BC Smith
Cast:
Bella Denton: Ruby Rose
Michael: Patrick Schwarzenegger
Ed Meeser: Frank Grillo
Captain Lawson: Luis Da Silva Jr
Jim: Danny Bohnen
Sunshine: Scotty Bohnen
Young Bella: Eden Harper
Teenage Bella: Emma Maddock
Arthur Denton: Major Dodge
Baby Face Sailor: James Di Giacomo
Anna: Anna Grace Loman
Heather: Michelle Colón
Captain Al: Scott Moore
Gabrielle: Raphael Alexander Edwards
Bar Patron: Shane Malone
Teen #1: Marco Ramirez
Bar patron: Cloie Cornish (uncredited)
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.