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Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2022 begins with a brief summary of the original film, since this one follows on from that, almost 50 years later, completely ignoring any other sequels or remakes (not that I’ve seen all of those).
On arrival in town with sister Melody (Sarah Yarkin), when going into the only store in the middle of nowhere, teenager Lila (Elsie Fisher – Eighth Grade) questions the proprietor about the original film’s lead female character, Sally Hardesty, and what became of her.
Following an altercation with local gruff idiot, Richter (Moe Dunford), carrying a gun and soon after, cutting them up on the road, they then get stopped by the police, who come across like local psychos.
It takes 18 mins before the gore starts, with a very broken wrist, and before long, Leatherface (Mark Burnham) cutting someone up, removing their face and then wearing it…
His other stock-in-trade includes gutting his victims – sometimes with a chainsaw, or just slashing away with a knife or meat cleaver.
Add in some typical jump scares, and one by one, people get bumped off, but can anyone escape him? And like Michael in the Halloween films, at this point in his life, how does he have the strength to keep doing this? Similarly, like in those two most recent movies with Laurie Strode, Sally’s character returns in this and is out for revenge, but sadly, the original actress, Marilyn Burns, died in 2014 at the age of 65. Here, she’s played by Olwen Fouere.
Even more odd, there’s a woman walking around in the pouring rain who has an umbrella, but no coat and she has a sleeveless top! Egads!
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2022, naturally, has some particularly gross violence at times, and similarly some completely daft nonsense, such as at one point, one character is ‘chased’ under the floorboards as a chainsaw cuts through, but there are a number of times where they could’ve barrel-rolled to their right to simply get out of its path. Not bright, these teenagers.
However, I just can’t see any reason why this new sequel was made. It does nothing new, the writing is lazy, the acting is all screaming and gnarling of teeth, the return of Sally feels like a missed opportunity,
Also, between story writers Fede Alvarez and Rodo Sayagues, they did the same with the 2013 Evil Dead remake – also directed by Alvarez. It was better than this, even though the idea of a remake of that cult classic seemed an insane idea.
Oh, and it’s just stupid calling this “Texas Chainsaw Massacre“, like the first film (albeit without the ‘The’), so I’ve added the year of release onto the title.
On the plus side, this new film almost mimics the original’s brief running time (81 minutes vs 83 minutes), and it’s just at the 75-minute point when the end credits begin.
There’s also a post-credits scene…
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2022 is on Netflix now, but isn’t yet available to pre-order on Blu-ray or DVD.
Check out the trailer below:
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 81 minutes
Release date: January 14th 2022
Studio: Netflix
Aspect Ratio: 2.35:1 (ARRI Alexa Mini (Hawk V-Lite Lenses), Hawk V-Lite Anamorphic Lenses)
Score: 3/10
Director: David Blue Garcia
Producers: Fede Alvarez, Pat Cassidy, Ian Henkel, Kim Henkel, Rodo Sayagues, Shintaro Shimosawa
Screenplay: Chris Thomas Devlin
Story: Fede Alvarez, Rodo Sayagues
Characters: Kim Henkel, Tobe Hooper
Music: Colin Stetson
Cast:
Lila: Elsie Fisher
Melody: Sarah Yarkin
Leatherface: Mark Burnham
Dante: Jacob Latimore
Richter: Moe Dunford
Sally Hardesty: Olwen Fouere
Catherine: Jessica Allain
Ruth: Nell Hudson
Mrs. Mc: Alice Krige
Sheriff: William Hope
Deputy: Jolyon Coy
Herb The Proprietor: Sam Douglas
Narrator: John Larroquette
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.