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The Greatest Dancer is best known for being a Chic song, masterminded by the great Nile Rodgers… okay, it’s “He’s the Greatest Dancer”, but anyway.
We’re told this is an audition and a studio like no other… so, not like So You Think You Can Dance… oh, but the entire audience are behind the mirror, voting for who has the best sob story and if they score 75% then they go through to the next stage. It’s a bit like All Together Now.
However, no panel show would be complete without captains to help impart their wisdom, so enter Strictly Come Dancing‘s six-year veteran Oti Mabuse, whose dress was so short that I thought she’d forgotten her trousers, Glee star Matthew Morrison, and… Cheryl Cole, or Cheryl Vib-Ribbon or whatever she’s called now. She, generally, just refers to herself as “Cheryl” to save the hassle, and to avoid the fact that she goes through boyband members like a dose of salts.
But before we saw them, you had to suffer Alesha Dixon (who had to remind us that she was black) and Jordan Banjo, the latter of which – we had to be reminded – came from dance group Diversity, the one which featured young Billy from Eastenders.
The Greatest Dancer casts its net far and wide, allowing contestants of any age, regardless of ability or disability, so it adds the string of inclusivity to its bow.
There’s staged vox pops from the audience, such as one bloke aping Paddy McGuinness from Take Me Out, saying “The power is in our hands”. Hang on… no, Take Me Out isn’t back yet. Lately, that’s taken a backseat to The Voice, which the BBC sensibly ditched. The same idiot later exclaims that voting for the dancers is harder than voting on Brexit. That setup really wasn’t necessary…
…nor was the other idiot who declared, when someone wasn’t voted through, “The public got it wrong. It’s Brexit part 2”. Seriously, BBC, pack that in. We get enough of your political agenda from Tory mouthpieces Laura Kuenssberg and Leila Nathoo.
Oddly, the first group, Frobacks, were getting votes before they’d barely begun, and it was acceptable that one of them exposed his nipples, even though, somehow, that would be unacceptable if a woman did it. Later, another man takes his top off while women swoon and gawp at him like they’re having the first stirring in their underwear in 10 years. Someone please try and explain that in 2019 without sounding sexist.
As you’d expect with this sort of show, there are too many dancers to each have their routines shown in full, so we have to get the full stories of a few – including one bunch of annoying kids being filmed getting on a bloody train, while others get zero airtime. This sort of thing should be more balanced. Then again, in 2019, you, at least, have to admire a train that’s actually running on time.
Not only were a few clear no-hopers, but also a bunch of GILFs in the form of Pan’s People original Dee Dee Wilde and her friends. Elsewhere, the receptionist is clearly a stand-up act with her quick responses to the comments from contestants as they arrive.
I won’t say who won any groups or rounds, since that’s what the BBC iPlayer is for, but I did find it odd that the alledged ‘judges’ were shouting at everyone to vote just because THEY liked them. Biased, much?
The Greatest Dancer: It’s all so depressingly American.
If you did enjoy it somehow, then there are seven more weeks, with the X-Factor-style judges ultimately working with three acts each. At the end of week 8, one of them will win, never to be seen or heard from again.
The Greatest Dancer continues next Saturday on BBC1 at 8.10pm. The series is unlikely to be released on Blu-ray or DVD,but you can watch each episode on BBC iPlayer for 30 days after transmission.
Score: 1/10 (for James Clifton with Cheryl Wotsit)
Presenters: Alesha Dixon, Ashley Banjo
Judges: Cheryl Fernandez-Versini, Matthew Morrison, Oti Mabuse
Producers: Iain Peckham, Clara Marshall
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.