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The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim, with the last word sounding like it’s pronounced “Rim”, is set 183 years before the main The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and Warner Brothers has seen fit to tell us this tale on a budget, in the style of animation.
We open with Héra (Gaia Wise), the hot daughter of Helm (Brian Cox – 007 Road To A Million), who’s at loggerheads with Freca (Shaun Dooley – Saltburn), although while Cox always has a commanding performance, Dooley’s voice just reminds me of the endless TV adverts he whores out for, so I could only hear him telling us to ‘top up our pensions’.
After an early scene which gave me vertigo on a mountain top, Freca’s moaning that Hera’s getting married, as if it’s any of his business, while Wulf wants to be her groom-in-waiting. Freca also wants to take Helm’s throne, but then we can’t always get what we want, and if you try sometimes, you might just find, you don’t even get what you need.
Still, cue some fisticuffs between Helm and Freca, along with others pointing swords and making various threats to pack it in, leading to a brief Reservoir Dogs-type stand off… well, City On Fire, really.
Along the way, and to avoid spoilers, Hera and Wulf know each other from when they were kids, while he later fights an elephant (ah, there’s the elephant in the room!), and Hera draws attention away to save him, but he has bigger fish to fry later.
However, The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim feels more like a TV movie than something that should be up on a big screen, and is so dull I was almost dropping off! It doesn’t help that it features very stilted animation, like that in a Broken Sword game, above.
Also, similar to why Sony had to make Kraven The Hunter in order to retain Spidey movie rights, Warner Bros and New Line Cinema had to make The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim to avoid losing the film adaptation rights for JRR Tolkien‘s novels.
Additionally, in 2005, 20th Century Fox release their first of three contractually-bound Fantastic Four movies within a decade. However, after the flop of 2007’s Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer, no-one wanted a third, so when 2015 rolled along, it was the turn of Miles Teller et al to take one of the team in an unnecessary and unwanted reboot, that was so bad, it ensured no-one would want any more.
All three of these films mentioned have been flops, but since they help prop up the studios in other ways, they’re still a hit. Hmm… make money by producing a flop? That’s the plot of The Producers!
As such, this film was made on a budget of $30m, and has only taken just over $10m in its opening weekend. No-one really wants to put this ring on it!
Finally, though, yes, Christopher Lee (The Wicker Man Final Cut 50th Anniversary Edition) IS in this, despite having passed away 9 years earlier, although it’s with a line that’s edited from two previously-recorded (well, it would be) lines for The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies. You can see below what he gets to say, but when it comes, they play it, then have a close-up on his face and pause for what seems like forever, as if to say: “YES! IT’S CHRISTOPHER LEE! IN A FILM IN 2024!”
The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim is in cinemas now, and is available to pre-order on 4K Blu-ray, Blu-ray and DVD, ahead of its release date TBA.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 134 minutes
Release date: December 13th 2024
Studio: Warner Bros
Aspect Ratio: 2.35:1
Cinema: Odeon Trafford Centre
Rating: 2/10
Director: Kenji Kamiyama
Producers: Philippa Boyens, Joseph Chou, Jason DeMarco
Screenplay: Jeffrey Addiss, Will Matthews, Phoebe Gittins, Arty Papageorgiou
Characters: JRR Tolkien
Music: Stephen Gallagher
Voice Cast:
Helm: Brian Cox
Héra: Gaia Wise
Éowyn: Miranda Otto
Wulf: Luke Pasqualino
Olwyn: Lorraine Ashbourne
Freca: Shaun Dooley
Haleth: Benjamin Wainwright
Hama: Yazdan Qafouri
Fréalaf: Laurence Ubong Williams
General Targg: Michael Wildman
Old Pennicruik: Janine Duvitski
Lief: Bilal Hasna
Lord Thorne: Jude Akuwudike
Shank: Billy Boyd
Wrot: Dominic Monaghan
Lord Frygt: Alex Jordan
Young Héra: Bea Dooley
Young Wulf: Elijah Tamati
Young Rohan Refugee: Will Godber
Saruman: Christopher Lee
Wildman: Calum Gittins
Dunharrow Captain: Matt Beachen
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.