Skip to content
Woman In The Yard is a new film which centres around…get this… a Woman In The Yard!
Yes, it’s like Catchphrase: “Say what you see!”
Blumhouse’s hit-rate of ‘Things That Go Yawn In The Dark’ supposed horror movies is about one-in-ten actually being worth watching, so where will this one rank?
That said, we do get a surprise when the titular female (Okwui Okpokwasili – who also disgraced herself in The Exorcist: Believer) turns up at Ramona’s (Danielle Deadwyler – Carry-On) house, and she’s brought a chair with her! Who goes to someone else’s house and brings their own chair?!
The homeowner has enough to deal with than that conundrum, given she’s still getting over the trauma of a car crash which killed her husband, David (Russell Hornsby), leaving her to raise their annoying kids on her own.
She keeps moving closer when they’re not looking, like Red Light Green Light in Squid Game, and no-one knows how she got there, least of all the woman, herself, but she declares, “Today’s the day. You called, and I came.”
Well, I was only there because the film fitted in with three other films I was watching that day.
Due to not paying the bill, their electricity has gone out, so that gives the film an excuse to be in the dark all the time. Cue a smattering of weird stuff happening that you won’t care about, and 88 minutes of output which I can see cluttering up the late night Film 4 schedules in years to come.
As for dead David, he was better off out of it!
Woman In The Yard has absolutely zero redeeming features, but was surprisingly busy for a Monday early evening, with the audience creeping into double figures. It didn’t deserve to, though.
This actually reminds me of a dream I once had – and bear in mind that no-one gets in without taking their shoes off before they walk on carpet – but I’d taken a call from a friend who said that someone he knew was coming round to my house, for reasons I can’t remember.
I didn’t want them to, but next thing I knew was that I was sat upstairs, in my man-cave, watching TV, when entering the room was his friend. WTF?! How did they get in?
More to the point, why did he bring TEN friends with him?!
I stormed out, shouting at him to get out, but once I left the man-cave I found that the stairs and landing were CAKED in mud! As I came downstairs, I also saw that not only had they completely trashed the lounge, but that they’d brought a load of chairs with them! Who goes to someone’s house to trash it, and brings chairs with them, so they can sit around having a chat for an hour before getting started?!
Then… I woke up! I got up, walking to the landing and… MUD! It was still there! WTF?! I came downstairs, and saw the lounge was still trashed, along with the chairs. Then I went into the kitchen. Oh Jeez… all the cupboard contents were all over the worktops, their doors were ripped off, and they’d punched through the top of each one!
I was bereft… then….. I woke up! AGAIN!
I staggered to my bedroom door, my groggy feeling must mean that I was now ACTUALLY awake?
Yes, finally, I was. As I saw my stairs and landing, everything was as it should be. 100% sure I was awake, though, I STILL went downstairs to double check! But yes, all was good.
NOTE: There are no mid- or post-credit scenes.
Woman In The Yard is in cinemas now, but isn’t yet available to pre-order on Blu-ray or DVD. However, once announced, it will appear on the New DVD Blu-ray 3D and 4K releases UK list.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 88 minutes
Release date: March 28th 2025
Studio: Universal Pictures
Aspect Ratio: 2.39:1
Rating: 0/10
Director: Jaume Collet-Serra
Producers: Stephanie Allain, Jason Blum
Screenplay: Sam Stefanak
Music: Lorne Balfe
Cast:
Ramona: Danielle Deadwyler
The Woman: Okwui Okpokwasili
Taylor: Peyton Jackson
Annie: Estella Kahiha
David: Russell Hornsby
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.