Love 3D begins with the onscreen announcements: “The theater management warns you” and then the screen changes to “Put your glasses on. ‘Love’ will start in a few seconds”. But then surely if you’re watching a 3D film, you should be aware of their necessity.
Wannabe filmmaker Murphy (Karl Glusman) is obsessed with Electra (Aomi Muyock), even though she is, to quote the great Dame Denise of Outen, “mental, mental, chicken oriental”, and begins with a scene involving mutual masturbation between the two. However, you expect it to lead to the obvious, and he doesn’t ejaculate, so how on Earth could he be satisfied?
That seems to be a prophecy for this movie – you expect great things, but they just don’t come.
They entice new girl next door Omi (Klara Kristin) to be the trois in a menage-a-trois, which means you could also see it as the movie remake of Love Thy Neighbour, with bonking. Except that this isn’t based on racism. Then again, the American Murphy does often argue with French residents, so it could *exactly* hark back to that ancient sitcom.
Love tries to be arty by flicking to black every so often, even mid-scene. Sometimes there’s a point to this when it highlights something he’s done previously in his life, but not always and that’s where it comes across as odd.
Starting off with Murphy being in a relationship with Omi and them having a child together, it’s also a tale about lost love and regrets, flicking back and forward in time, showing us when life between Murphy and Electra was better, but then looking at him moaning now about how he never had a baby with her, yet bemoans the fact that he does have one with Omi, showing that he’s never satisfied whatever he does.
It spends a lot of the 135-minute running time throwing in sex scenes (including real sex – it’s not often that that gets depicted in a film that the BBFC will pass) in place of plot (so perhaps the BBFC examiners fell asleep while all the jiggery pokery was going on).
Dear director Gaspar Noé, 1/10 for picking attractive women to be in the film, but nothing more for something so arty it feels like a cliche of itself, and if you want erotica that’s titilating, there’s Pornhub for that. Fifty Shades Of Grey is slightly better as a movie, but not for the sex.
Oh, and while I’ll always be a fan of a 3D film actually being MADE in 3D (so at least this director made the effort, unlike JJ Abrams and those cheap-asses over at Disney with Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens), unfortunately, the 3D doesn’t add anything, and all it does – given your glasses – is make the image darker, which is something I could make do with if there was a reason to watch this in 3D.
BTW, I love how the BBFC website states “This version of the film is displayed in the 3D or IMAX format and some younger children may find this a more intense experience”.
The film is presented in the original 2.35:1 widescreen ratio and in 1080p high definition and is as pin-sharp as you’d expect, taking in some picturesque French locations, as well as the three leads in the all-together. Also, I’m watching this on a 50″ Panasonic Plasma TV.
The audio is in DTS HD 5.1, but only really gets a chance to shine in some nightclub-type scenes. A lot of the time, it’s either dialogue or a lot of grunting, the latter of which doesn’t sound any different whether it’s Mono or Dolby Atmos 12.1.
Sadly, there’s no extras, no subtitles, and a menu that just offers to play the film or select one of the 16 chapters (the number of which is at least better than most studios’ 12). Subtitles would’ve helped when there’s occasional French language, and when Electra’s screaming at Murphy in unintelligible godknowswhat while her stereo rages on at top volume behind her.
I understand that time constraints led to having to choose between including the 3D version or sourcing some extras or anything else – and it wasn’t known if there was a great deal of these anyway – hence, the 3D version won out. Given that it was filmed in 3D, I’d choose that option, too.
Running time: 135 minutes
Released: January 11th 2016
Picture: 1080p High Definition
Sound: 5.1 DTS HD Master Audio, DTS 5.1, Dolby Digital 5.1
Disc Format: BD50
Director: Gaspar Noé
Producers: Brahim Chioua, Vincent Maraval, Gaspar Noé, Lourenço Sant’Anna, Rodrigo Teixeira and Edouard Weil
Screenplay: Gaspar Noé
Electra: Aomi Muyock
Murphy: Karl Glusman
Omi: Klara Kristin
Gaspar: Ugo Fox
Julio: Juan Saavedra
Noe: Gaspar Noé (as Aron Pages)
Nora: Isabelle Nicou
Yuyo: Benoît Debie
Castel: Vincent Maraval
Paula: Déborah Révy
Lucile: Xamira Zuloaga
Mami: Stella Rocha
Victoire: Omaima S