Why did the elephant wear a Fitbit? Because it can!

elephantI know the news is dumbing down more and more, but today took it to new levels.

It started off well, though, as I caught some of the BBC World News programme just before 6am where we were told about Donald Trump’s latest faux-pas – his Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, didn’t tell anyone about his meetings with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak, and one of their top spies, and whether Sessions misled the senators in Congress. He denies any meetings with the Ambassador, but with Sessions being one of Trump’s financial backers, this puts the President in deep water yet again.

But BBC Breakfast’s Sally Nugent had far more pressing issues to discuss. Firstly, she was talking about the new rules for the game of golf! It’s all down to the size of your balls, apparently. Mine are massive, of course, but from January 1st 2019, there’s no longer a penalty for moving your balls onto the green, plus other rules have been relaxed regarding putting, hazards and for anyone wanting to hunker down in your bunker.

But it didn’t stop there. That wasn’t the most pressing news of the day, since a study has confirmed that African elephants only sleep for around two hours a night, and this mostly involves ‘standing sleep’. How did they know? They attached Fitbit monitors to their trunks. Nellie the Elephant definitely wants one of those!

In short, elephants stop waving their trunks around while they sleep, so the Fitbit monitors the lack of movement. How many steps they do in their 22-hour day, though, wasn’t disclosed, although we did learn the vital news that dolphins get 9 hours of sleep a day, resting half a brain each time, which is more than the average Jeremy Kyle viewer has.

But the pièce de résistance was still to come… Two goldfish, both alike in dignity, In fair Kirkwall, where we lay our scene, From ancient school break to new mutiny, Where shouting brats makes civil hands unclean…. the mammals were brought into the establishment in December last year, but died soon after. Two women were scene in the vicinity, one wearing a T-shirt with the “LOL” symbol on, and a packet marked “VX”.

Police are looking into the sudden deaths of Freddy and Bubbles, but today, they were given a Viking funeral! Yes, their carcasses were put on a toy boat and set on fire.

As for Trump and Sessions? No time for that… here’s the weather with Carol!

Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.


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