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Ascension of the Cybermen is the penultimate episode of Doctor Who Series 12…
A war has ended and wiped out all but seven humans on Earth. This really is ‘the last of us’… or, rather, them.
For reasons unexplained, Graham’s managed to rig up a device which makes Cybermen feel like they’re fully human once again, to send them mad. Ooh, won’t that affect their mental health?
Alas, they learned of Cyberdrones – aka flying Cybermen head – which do away with Graham’s plan. Still, while they were crack shots, when it came to the good guys flying away from these metalheads soon after, it shows what crap shots the standing ones really are!
Along the way, when one Cyberman suggested he let one remaining human live to tell the tale, he was like either of Mickey or Mallory Knox from Natural Born Killers, always letting someone live.
The Cyberman who had half a helmet claimed he volunteered to join the baddies, rather than continuing as a human, and how he was going to revive the glory of the Cyber race, and “The death of everything is within me”. Ooh, big talk, eh?
The humans’ spaceship had a ridiculous amount of lens flare showing up camera as if it was a recent JJ Abrams Star Trek movie.
Ko Sharmus turned out to be an old man, not the name of a planet, and he looked like a bargain basemen Richard Harris. Still, I’ll never have that recipe again… oh, no!
Thanks to him, they all know that a potential escape hatch known as The Boundary is real… so, will they escape through it?
Still, at least we now know what happened to Julie Graham after her version of Survivors was cancelled after two of the three planned series. Plus, it looks like our Graham might by in with a chance with Julie Graham! If he married her, and took her surname, he’d be… Graham Graham! Yay! An intergalactic wedding!
As for the rest of the Scooby Doo gang’s – Yaz and Ryan – involvement in this… who cares. I’m hoping they’re wiped out next week, or dumped on Earth, never to set foot in the TARDIS again.
This was all juxtaposed with a situation from many, many decades ago when a young lad called Brendan wanted to join the Guarda, aka the Irish police.
Next week is the finale. Is there time to cram in The Master and Captain Jack along with the Cybermen? Only seven more sleeps to find out.
If only The Master could also instruct the Cybermen to shut up those chatty fuckers who waffle over the fucking credits.
As for Brendan’s real identity…
Ascension of the Cybermen is available on the BBC iPlayer.
You can pre-order this series on Blu-ray and DVD, ahead of its release on March 16th.
Out the same day, is the Limited Edition Blu-ray Steelbook.
Score: 2/10
Director: Jamie Magnus Stone
Producer: Nikki Wilson
Writer: Chris Chibnall
Cast:
The Doctor: Jodie Whittaker
Graham O’Brien: Bradley Walsh
Ryan Sinclair: Tosin Cole
Yasmin Khan: Mandip Gill
Ravio: Julie Graham
Ashad: Patrick O’Kane
Feekat: Steve Toussaint
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.