Godzilla vs Daniel Blake

Godzilla vs Daniel Blake? Well, Godzilla was a massive hit when rebooted in 2014, but while we wait for the second film to be released, and with Ken Loach’s I, Daniel Blake being a massive hit last year, I wondered what it’d be like if the two got together, so in the opening scene…

(scene opens)

The manager of the Jobcentre who chucked out Katie and Daniel goes home at the end of the day, makes a brew, puts the TV on, and sits down to relax.

He hears a tap at the window and looks over, seeing Daniel Blake (Dave Johns) staring back at him. The man sits up in his chair. Daniel turns to someone taller, off-camera, and says “That’s him”, then steps back.

A huge, menacing monster’s eye fills the window, and focuses on the man in the chair, who subsequently screams loudly.

(cut to outside)

Godzilla stands up, roars into the sky, then faces back down to the house, opens his mouth and lets forth a torrent of fire. The house burns as Daniel and Godzilla leave.

(cut to Jobcentre)

Godzilla is sat opposite his advisor.

Advisor: “I’m sorry, Mr Godzilla, but for burning our manager alive, I’m going to have to sanction you.”

Godzilla stands up, roars up to the sky, then turns back to the advisor, opens his mouth and a lightning bolt shoots out, wiping the advisor out into oblivion.

New manager: “Okay, sir, you’ve created a scene, and now I’m asking you to leave.”
Godzilla: “Sod this. I’m going to go to America and stamp on President Trump.”
New manager: “Well, if you’re leaving the country, then your benefit claim WILL stop.”
Godzilla: “But he’s calling for a total and complete shutdown of monsters entering the United States!”
New manager: “How are you going to get there, anyway?”
Godzilla: “Swimming.”
New manager: “Swimming? You said on your claim that you couldn’t walk more than 50 yards, and now you can swim 4,242 miles across the North Atlantic Ocean? Okay, your claim stops right this second.”

Godzilla roars again loudly before he walks out, dejected.

(fade to black)

Theme and title caption: “I, Godzilla”

Yes, with a title like Godzilla vs Daniel Blake, you were probably expecting them to be at loggerheads, but like Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, it was clearly a misunderstanding that occured before they settled down to join forces.