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Snow White is the BEST Film of 2025!*
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who is the Biggest FLOP of all!
Back in 1937, Snow White was so-named because “her skin is white as snow”.
Well, with Rachel Zegler (The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds And Snakes) in the titular role, Snow Latina doesn’t quite work, so in this case, as she’s born during a blizzard, she’s given the name because snow is white. Erm…
Still, I’ve got time to write a review for this, because for some reason, it’s taking forever for Jessops to send me the photos I ordered online. Yes, some day my prints will come…
Firstly, why is this live-action remake even being made? Well, film studios sometimes find that the only way they can hold on to a lucrative I.P. (intellectual property) is because the contract stipulates that they must make these films. Whoever came up with that idea must’ve had method in their madness, but it’s not working. The same happened with The Lion King series, and that was equally tedious.
Similarly, when 20th Century Fox had the rights to Fantastic Four, they were contracted to make three films in ten years. However, while the 2005 movie turned a profit, 2007’s Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer did not, and no-one was clamouring for a threequel. But… there’s a contract to be completed, and since Fox didn’t want to get sued, their hand was forced to make the abysmal 2015 movie, which they just turned into a cheap reboot.
Sadly, for them, not quite cheap enough, since it cost $120m and was a massive flop. Still, they didn’t want it to spawn any sequels, so the loss of almost $100m which they took on this film was possibly better than being sued, further down the line.
It also didn’t help that prior to release, director Josh Trank tweeted: “A year ago, I had a fantastic version of this. And it would’ve received great reviews. You’ll probably never see it. That’s reality, though.”
So, studio interference yet again, same as that which affected 1993’s Super Mario Bros, but I disgress further than I was expecting.
But back to this, and the opening song and dance number, Where the Good Things Grow, is insipid and bland, accompanied by a large group of happy people, during which you can play Diversity Bingo.
Before I get to the next new song, our heroine is describe as “kind and fair”, apart from the fact that Rachel Zegler slagged off the original movie, because the titular character is waiting for validation from a man. Sadly, for her, her mum is fridged, then Wonder Woman appears in the form of former Israel Defense Forces soldier Gal Gadot, hamming it up like a school production – and, yes, she did actually do that, it’s not a plot point of this movie.
But then she marries the king, he goes off into battle and doesn’t return. Not suspect at all…
And then we get onto the also terrible musical interlude that is Jonathan’s (Andrew Burnap – The Front Room) song, Princess Problems, as in ‘First-world problems’, because she’s privileged, despite his insensitivity that she’s lost both her parents in a short space of time.
One original song that IS included is Whistle While You Work, but inbetween watching the original animation as a child, and now this, I’ve since seen that clip of Dad’s Army, and couldn’t help but inadvertently laugh…
She’s half barmy, so’s her army, Whistle while you work #
However, I also love the numerous tweets I saw that said: “Whistle while you woke”!
However, Snow White can’t be all bad, can it? Well, no! There was a slight bit of humour thrown in when Jonathan is about to be imprisoned in the dungeon by Wonder Woman, but instead is sent to be tied and bound to the front gate, causing him to comment, “Is the dungeon still an option?”
But they didn’t bother with any humour after that. It would’ve been immeasurably better if they had.
Plus, since the princess is locked in at the castle, Ms Zegler’s unfortunate anorexia means that she could probably squeeze through the gate, anyway.
Alternate actresses that came to mind for the lead role – and I’m sure there are many other options – including Kathryn Newton (Ant Man and the Wasp: Quantumania) or Kaitlin Dever (Abby in The Last Of Us Season 2) – and, in fact, both of them were in 2011’s Bad Teacher, which Channel 4 re-ran recently. Then again, maybe those or similar actresses were asked, and they all ran a mile from it?
Missing the chance to introduce some good tunes in the form of Nirvana, Wonder Woman has a heart-shaped box, in which she literally wants Snowy’s chief, beating organ to be placed inside. That’s a bit OTT, love.
No wonder she runs into the woods, befriending dwarves after falling asleep in their house, amongst which Dopey looks like Jamie Bell, and for all the money spent on this, it’s a great example of a ton of ropey CGI with very bland backgrounds – and the Mirror Mirror so bad that it looks like it’s powered by Windows Vista – plus the seven faces all rather crossing the uncanny valley.
And, on meeting them, she announces, “My name is Snow White”. Hmm… doubt!
Jonathan’s friends are also a crazy-diverse bunch. As well as being another group of seven, they’re also completely redundant, since all they do is follow him about, never get an individual name-check and just never actually DO anything! The fact one of them is a dwarf could be to spite Peter Dinklage, who moaned about Ms White’s septet of new followers.
And, who decided to make him leader of their group?! As well as the other question that’s never answered: Just how do you live in a forest?
Oddly, at one point, Jonathan steals Snow White’s locket, but later, she’s wearing it again, and I never saw him actually give it back. Hmm…
But continuity is the least of this film’s problems, since the budget spiralled out of control, making me wonder who’s in charge?! While Captain America: Brave New World was declared as costing $180m, with a suggested break-even point of $425m once marketing is taken into account, that doesn’t even include the reported cost of reshoots. Even today, it’s only just glanced over $400m, so is technically a flop.
Big time patronising. You can see that as #RachelZegler turns away from the girl. Can't wait for the box office results after the weekend. 🤣🤣🤣#SnowWhite
— DVDfever.co.uk 💙 (@DVDfever) March 17, 2025
But compare that to Snow White, which has a declared production budget of $270m! Did IQs just drop sharply while I was away? Who’s minding the store?
Disney’s desperate promotion (above) didn’t work, only giving advance screenings of the film to either paid ‘influencers’, or those who were guaranteed to ONLY write positive things about the film, to try and escape from the incoming car crash that this was becoming.
Since I get a degree of Contamination OCD, at the point when Snow White takes the poisoned apple, would you start eating a piece of fruit that someone random, gross individual had physically handed to you?
Overall, the key takeaway from Snow White 2025, is that it just has a complete air of pointlessness about it, and with even less gravitas as the Glasgow Wonka Experience!
I’d rather campaign for the return of Rolf’s Disney Time, than sit through this again, and just stunned the worldwide box office has got close to $100m! Still, so far, it’s grossed less than Madame Web!
But it could be worse… at least it’s not In The Lost Lands, or Holland.
(*If it was the only film released in 2025)
NOTE: There are no mid- or post-credit scenes. Yes, I stayed until the very end, so you don’t have to.
Snow White is in cinemas now, but isn’t yet available to pre-order on Blu-ray or DVD. However, once announced, it will appear on the New DVD Blu-ray 3D and 4K releases UK list.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 109 minutes
Release date: March 21st 2025
Studio: Disney
Aspect Ratio: 2.39:1 (ARRIRAW (4.5K), Anamorphic Panavision)
Rating: 1/10
Director: Marc Webb
Producers: Jared LeBoff, Marc Platt
Screenplay: Erin Cressida Wilson
Story: Jacob Grimm, Wilhelm Grimm
Music: Jeff Morrow
Cats:
Snow White: Rachel Zegler
Young Snow White: Emilia Faucher
Evil Queen: Gal Gadot
Jonathan: Andrew Burnap
Dopey: Andrew Barth Feldman
Bashful: Tituss Burgess
Grumpy: Martin Klebba
Sneezy: Jason Kravits
Happy: George Salazar
Doc: Jeremy Swift
Sleepy: Andy Grotelueschen
Huntsman: Ansu Kabia
Magic Mirror: Patrick Page
Quigg: George Appleby
Farno: Colin Carmichael
Scythe: Samuel Baxter
Finch: Jimmy Johnston
Maple: Dujonna Gift
Bingley: Idriss Kargbo
Norwich: Jaih Betote
Good King: Hadley Fraser
Good Queen: Lorena Andrea
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.