Spa Weekend centres around a quartet who were best friends at school, but time has taken its toll, along with kids taking up all of their time, usually spawned by men who have long since outlived their usefulness.
For the not-so-fab four, Mel (Isla Fisher – Now You See Me 3: Now You Don’t) is into ‘reverse crypto’, Jane (Leslie Mann – Cha Cha Real Smooth) is a hotshot lawyer, Sophie (Anna Faris – Scary Movie 6) has an overdemanding boss – who can’t even manage to make his own lunch, and Coco (Michelle Buteau) is… I don’t think they covered that one.
But over time, Mel became incredible overbearing, so now they’re adults, the other three go on the titular outing without her, and because reasons, she figures out the trip is on, and turns up to royally embarrass the lot of them by being loud and uncouth.
Cue a number of forgettable, random set-pieces including a golf cart ride that gets out of controls – knocks off Sophie along the way, even though she manages to get back on by the time the ride is over… not sure how – leading to the four all having to jump at the last moment before it goes off a grassy ramp, and then crashes down on the sand. Does it explode spectacularly? No, the budget was a mere $20m, so it just crashes onto the sand. That’s it.
Then comes Goat Yoga, which involves goats wandering around the exercise room to little benefit, other than occasionally jumping up onto the women.
Amongst this plot-free mess, aside from all four getting on the tits of spa owner Shanti (Erika Heynatz – L.A. Noire), who looked like she should be someone famous – but then turned out not to be, Jane discovers hunky yoga teacher Kai (Adam Demos) and needs a toyboy, but can she juggle her existing life with a new romance?
Wel, who give a shit, since Spa Weekend is so joke-free and a painful experience to sit through. After all, the best that mixed-race Coco can come out with is “Hating white friends is hard“.
So, casual racism is okay as long as it’s against white people. That’s antiwhiteism.
Jon Lucas and Scott Moore – the writers/directors of this crap – also brought us 2016’s Bad Moms, which was decent, but also 2017’s Bad Moms Christmas, serving up an early Christmas turkey. I figured they clearly rushed that one out, but then they’ve had another nine years to come up with a new comedy and still haven’t bothered.
NOTE: There is both a mid- and post-credits scene, as per the video below.
Spa Weekend is in cinemas now, and is available to pre-order on Blu-ray and DVD.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 97 minutes
Release date: August 14th 2026
Studio: Black Bear
Aspect ratio: 2.39:1
Cinema: Odeon Trafford Centre
Rating: 0/10
Directors: Jon Lucas, Scott Moore
Producers: John Friedberg, Suzanne Todd, Michael Heimler
Writers: Jon Lucas, Scott Moore
Music: Philip White
Cast:
Mel: Isla Fisher
Jane: Leslie Mann
Sophie: Anna Faris
Coco: Michelle Buteau
Shanti: Erika Heynatz
Kai: Adam Demos
Roger: Dominic Ona-Ariki
Riley: Ali Basoka
Ava: Aaliyah Nginyo
Margaret: Diana Glenn
Ella: Indie Winstanley
Benny: Gabriel Chrisman
Max: Damian Walshe-Howling
Young Coco: Sierra Rose Peters
Young Jane: Everly Ilona Graves
Young Sophie: Juliet Sargent
Young Mel: Quinn Aune
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.