Tomb Raider 2018 leads the new cinema releases and trailers March 16th 2018

Tomb Raider 2018
This week, there are FOUR new films out for you to choose from: Lara Croft is rebooted and new-suited in Tomb Raider 2018, there’s a contemporary art museum with a new exhibit to end all exhibits in The Square, Rooney Mara tells the Easter tale in Mary Magdalene, and James Corden wastes everyone’s time with Peter Rabbit.

Tomb Raider 2018 reboots the movie franchise with Ex Machina‘s Alicia Vikander (above) as Lara Croft, and while the first trailer quickly tangled you up in a tomb called the The Mother of Death, a sea known as The Devil Sea, I begin to quickly get the idea of how plot-by-numbers it feels.

This trailer shows a lot of derring-do, as AV swings about like Lara, going from one stunt to the next, I hope it holds up as a movie experience, but based on what I’ve seen – and especially comparing them to Angelina Jolie’s movies, this new film looks quite mediocre and nothing we’ve not seen before.

Lord Richard Croft (Dominic West) is an eccentric adventurer who vanished when she was scarcely a teen. For Lara, now a young woman of 21 without any real focus or purpose, she navigates the chaotic streets of trendy East London as a bike courier, barely making the rent, and takes college courses, rarely making it to class.

Determined to forge her own path, she refuses to take the reins of her father’s global empire just as staunchly as she rejects the idea that he’s truly gone. Advised to face the facts and move forward after seven years without him, even Lara can’t understand what drives her to finally solve the puzzle of his mysterious death. Going explicitly against his final wishes, she leaves everything she knows behind in search of her dad’s last-known destination: a fabled tomb on a mythical island that might be somewhere off the coast of Japan. But her mission will not be an easy one; just reaching the island will be extremely treacherous.

What gives it a chance, here, is that it’s based on the 2013 rebooted version of the game, when Lara was younger and had smaller breasts, so it’s more in tune with ‘da yoof’ and the game they’re used to. The original films, with Angelina Jolie, weren’t great, but they weren’t terrible, either. Certainly not a patch on the early games, even if the blocky graphics meant that Angelina was more well-rounded.

I can’t say Tomb Raider 2018 will be the best film of this year, but for my money when it comes to female action leads, it’s got to be better than 2017’s Wonder Woman.

I know I’ll see it at some point, but I just can’t get excited about it. As well as the trailer looking so-so, and there’s a 10-minute video, which I’ll include below, which has a number of different clips. I stopped three minutes in, (a) because I thought that if I’m going to see it then I don’t want to spoil EVERYTHING, and (b) it looks pretty generic and unexciting, and nothing new for the franchise.

Also, the reviews were embargoed until the release date, which never bodes well.

Director: Roar Uthaug
Screenplay: Geneva Robertson-Dworet (based on the character created by Toby Gard)
Also stars: Walton Goggins, Hannah John-Kamen, Daniel Wu, Alexandre Willaume

Hit or Miss? Verdict: Maybe!

The Square

Christian is the respected curator of a contemporary art museum, a divorced but devoted father of two who drives an electric car and supports good causes. His next show is “The Square”, an installation which invites passersby to altruism, reminding them of their role as responsible fellow human beings. But sometimes, it is difficult to live up to your own ideals: Christian’s foolish response to the theft of his phone drags him into shameful situations. Meanwhile, the museum’s PR agency has created an unexpected campaign for “The Square”. The response is overblown and sends Christian, as well as the museum, into an existential crisis.

I love the look of this and I’m really looking forward to seeing it. Given that Lara Croft will be dominating the multiplexes, no doubt this will be one I’ll see on Blu-ray in a few months.

Writer/Director: Ruben Östlund
Stars: Claes Bang, Elisabeth Moss, Dominic West, Terry Notary, Christopher Læssø, Lise Stephenson Engström

Hit or Miss? Verdict: Hit!

Mary Magdalene is a biblical tale for Easter which looks as tedious as easter eggs make me fat. Better, instead, to reprise your memory of the 1985 track, “(I’ll Never Be) Maria Magdalena” by German singer, Sandra. I’ll include that with the trailer.

Director: Garth Davis
Screenplay: Helen Edmundson, Philippa Goslett
Stars: Rooney Mara, Joaquin Phoenix, Chiwetel Ejiofor

Hit or Miss? Verdict: Miss!

Peter Rabbit is the feature adaptation of Beatrix Potter‘s classic tale of a rebellious rabbit trying to sneak into a farmer’s vegetable garden.

Sadly, however, the lead is taken by James Corden. I don’t know about Americans, but here in the UK, we are sick and bloody tired of him, so I will NOT be watching this. Even two minutes of a trailer is two minutes I won’t get back.

Peter Rabbit is out now, so… just in time for Easter, unsurprisingly. Hmm.. perhaps we can take that opportunity to nail Corden to a cross and crucify him?

Dear America, is there ANYONE who finds James Corden funny? And if so, why?

He’s on TV, adverts and films and I’ve had more laughs at funerals. So, whatever he’s in, if it’s got James Corden – KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

If I do watch this, I know it’ll be an early contender for the worst film of 2018.

Director: Will Gluck
Also stars: Margot Robbie, Elizabeth Debicki, Daisy Ridley, Domhnall Gleeson, Rose Byrne

Hit or Miss? Verdict: Miss!