The Grand Tour Episode 1 – The DVDfever Review – Jeremy Clarkson

The Grand Tour

The Grand Tour is a programme I was really looking forward to reviewing after the very poor Top Gear reboot

but bizarrely, there were no previews of this one available… just like Top Gear. What could be the reason for that? Draw your own conclusions.

This opener is mostly humourless right from the off, as we see Jeremy Clarkson supposedly leaving the BBC building in London after getting the sack, even though that’s not the BBC building. After taking a plane ride, he ends up in a fancy car while The Hothouse Flowers’ cover of I Can See Clearly Now plays in the background, eventually revealing themselves to be performing live. Before long, Clarkson’s joined by James May and Richard Hammond, racing across the desert in California, after which their travelling tent will take them to a different place next week. With all three of them overexaggerating their dialogue as they’ve always done, this really is so ‘up its own arse’ from the start.

And then it heads to other elements of anatomy as Clarkson tells us: “Now I’m on the internet… which means I could pleasure a horse… or a dog”. And because they’re online, the trio swear, but any f-words are bleeped out and mouths are pixellated like a Japanese porn film…. so a man down the pub tells me.

There’s a bog-standard chat section called Conversation Street which just mocks May for getting a speeding ticket at 37mph, and dont’ forget…. I mean, try to forget Celebrity Brain Crash, involving badly-pretending to kill off celebs: actor Jeremy Renner dives out of a plane and forgets to open his parachute, other actor Armie Hammer gets killed by a rattlesnake, while ex-Countdown maths lady Carol Vorderman is dead for no apparent reason. When Hammond observes, “I don’t think this bit is working”, that was something we knew already.


The Grand Tour: Utter Chaos – Amazon


Cue a montage of what to expect over the next 12 weeks included more driving in the desert, uncouth behaviour, shooting guns, explosions, more uncouth behaviour, and casual racism started early, as Americans refer to ‘stick’ what Clarkson refers to a gear lever… even though I’ve never called it a lever, it’s a gearstick. You get the idea of what’s coming.

Occasional bits of the programme ar of interest as we actually learn something about the cars they’re driving, but the challenges continue to have as much weight as those in Channel 5’s The Gadget Show (i.e. not at all), such as an early test between a McLaren vs Porsche on a race track, with Clarkson waffling away as he did on the BBC, while his nicotine-stained tombstone teeth glisten in the sun.

Overall, this programme passes an hour or so, but after all the hype and the millions that Amazon have thrown at it, it’s not a huge amount to shout about – and this is just the first of 36 episodes commissioned over three series. And with most of it being pre-recorded segments filmed elsewhere, what was the point of going to California??!

The Grand Tour is available to watch now on Amazon Prime, with new episodes being released weekly. Also, click on the top image for the full-size version.


The Grand Tour: A Message from the Guys – Amazon


Episode 1 Score: 3/10

Director: Phil Churchward and Brian Klein
Producers: Ronan Browne, Colin Bryne and Richard Evans
Series Producer: Greg Vince
Music: Paul Leonard-Morgan

Cast:
Presenters: Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May
The American: Mike Skinner
Special Guests: Jeremy Renner, Armie Hammer, Carol Vorderman and Jerome D’Ambrosio

Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2019.
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  • Prysym

    Absolute garbage review. It’s quite obvious that you lack any humour which completely defeats the purpose of producing such a review in the first place. You see guys? This is what happens when you take an oaf with analytical skills that bear little to no relevance to the whole picture. This episode was one of the best launches I’ve seen, it’s even better than what Top Gear was before – at the very least it blows the new Top Gear series synthetic chemistry completely out of the water. It’s quite easily a 9.5/10 for me, at the very least 8/10 for anyone who actually likes cars and has an ounce of humour.

  • DrVagax

    So this is how a incompetent “”critic”” writes his reviews, you are missing so many points that you are a shame to the average movie critic. You are giving this a 3/10 because you simply didn’t like the humor and because you were to stupid to properly understand the concept of the show? Why don’t you stick with reviewing silly marvel films, will you.

  • ReadySalted80 .

    These types of critics are uneducated scum, not worth bothering with.

  • If I don’t like the humour then I’m not going to rate it highly, am I?

    And where you’ve said “you were to stupid to properly understand the concept of the show”, you’re calling me “stupid” yet you’ve put “to” when you meant “too”. Dear, oh dear.

  • I have plenty of humour, and if you’re looking for an ‘oaf’ I suggest you look in the mirror rather than at me.

    Still, at least we agree that the Top Gear reboot was rubbish.

  • Yet you were bothered enough to comment, even though a keyboard warrior like you calls me “scum”. How nice. MWAH!

  • Tom

    Obliviously this guy has no sense of humour and he must of been watching a different show to me and this is the reason why low life’s like you shouldn’t be allowed to rate it because your obviously a hater with nothing better to do. If you like the old top gear then you’ll love the GT or was are you one of them guys what would’ve given a bad rating regardless?

  • LarryBundyJr

    OMG!!! This heathen is posting blasphemy about our lord and saviour, Jeremy Clarkson.

    We must belittle him in comments less he angers our God enough to want to punch an Irishman again.

  • Tobias

    I can certainly follow the criticism, it felt partwise rather boring and conceived, but I had an hour of sufficient entertainment. I guess the show itself took place in California because of the Intro. Maybe they will use material from California in other episodes.

  • “low life’s”? You mean “low lifes”. There’s no apostrophe.

  • They love me really 😀

  • joespivey

    This review seems to painfully miss the ironic tone of the elements it derides. The parodically autist deconstruction of the introduction would render any comedy humourless. Who cares if they didn’t film at the relevant BBC building for the intro?

    Considering you expected comedy, why did you then comment on the lack of authority by comparing it to a show that’s as dry as Fifth Gear was, and saying that that was crap too? No TV show is ever going to achieve such populist success as Top Gear (in its most popular incarnation) with a highly technical review element.

    The only part of your review that seemed to be of any note that Clarkson has refrained from whitening his teeth.

  • I referred to The Gadget Show rather than Fifth Gear. Still, at least we agreed on Jeremy’s teeth 😉

  • ReadySalted80 .

    Keyboard warrior, where did you get that from? I called you scum not say i would kick your ass lol

  • So calling someone “scum” is fine? Did you miss your cuddle this morning?

  • Tom

    Completely agree mate. Like he’s complaining about the GT but he still watches it and even know he has given it a rating of 3/10 he’ll still watch next week and I’m 100% sure about that so his opinion doesn’t matter anyway. And the GT still has a rating of 9.7 so no one cares what he thinks. And yes DVDfever you can’t call me a keyboard warrior because you have written some pretty shocking stuff TBF. Go back to the old top gear if you don’t like it

  • ReadySalted80 .

    Critics are like murderers of the entertainment world, especially reviews like this that piss over clear quality and don’t make sense.

    Well have a goodnight, I think you know deep down this is a poor write up.

  • ReadySalted80 .

    That’s it Tom 9.7 deserved rating, it was brilliant.

  • Tom

    Seriously? Mr English teacher. I don’t wasn’t a flipping lesson now it was predictive text for a start and plus I could have dyslexia for all you know and with all that I wrote you decided to comment on that

  • Tom

    It certainly was mate. I can see it being better than the old top gear

  • Dear, oh dear.

  • It certainly costs more.

  • How was it ‘quality’? And how can I take you seriously after the “scum” comment?

  • ReadySalted80 .

    How was it quality? go and read what was said about it 9.7 remember? there’s many comments there everyone is in agreement, when a show is given a budget of millions to basically do what ever how can it not be?

  • Tom

    Yeah fair enough. The start of the second sentence doesn’t make sense but what’s your point because it’s not my fault it’s predictive text and if it really harms you then you clearly have no life because Im on here to talk about the GT like that’s why we’re all here right?

  • Tom

    The will make than they did on the BBC when it goes global in December that’s for sure and obviously with more money they have now from Amazon they can do bigger and better things

  • Platinum Cookware

    Wow, that’s quite the harsh review! I disagree, I really enjoyed the show and I think most fans of the lads will
    enjoy it too. Great to have them back on and I’m really looking forward to the rest of the season.

  • And still not sorry about the “scum” comment. Sad man.

  • Tom

    No your the sad man because you have given a review that is completely fake and utter shite. And that guy who explained why it was quality is right and you don’t have an answer other than you crying about something he said 1 day ago I mean get over it. And if you don’t like it then DONT watch it simple. Nah you probably will know and I bet you won’t even reply to that because you know it’s true

  • I won’t know if I like it until I watch it. Simple.

    And it’s “you’re”.

  • drifter

    I don’t think you understood the humour in the show. The whole celebrity sketch was supposed to be ridiculously bad, it was obvious as soon as the brain thing was mentioned.
    Watch it again, but this time go with an open mind and give it a proper review disregarding any pre-existing negative thoughts you hold.

  • No swearing here, thankyou. Comment deleted.

  • Christopher King

    Good Evening, (DVDfever) not quite sure how you can start to complain at other reviews at their lack of grammar. Subsequently, after reading your review and wondering when and if you might choose to place a full stop. Possibly an idea after a change of subject? Starting a sentance with “And” again demonstrates poor grammar using a conjunction at the beginning. The Grand Tour in my opinion offers a similar deal to Top Gear, the format again is on par with seductive segments. Finally, some advice if you review others than please be aware that it is reasonable to say that you will have constructive criticism.

  • Tom

    Prick you could of edited the swear words out with all that I wrote was a complete waste of my time. Do you get a buzz off that or something. Actually you’re obviously a low life scumbag so I’m not even gonna bother with idiots like you. So good day. You don’t even deserve or should have the right to review anything or rate anything because you’re a hating scumbag I’m sorry to say. I bet next Friday you will rate it 3/10. Would be surprised if you didn’t though, or you’ll prop rate it higher just to prove a point and to shut us all up

  • Tom

    Thank you, I’m not the best at English mate but at least I try and sometimes I forget about my grammar but he can’t say anything because I’ve read his article and it’s just as bad but I don’t complain and what a surprise he hasn’t replied or will he? Nah thought not

  • Michael Stadsburger

    What a horrible review from a sour old man. 9.6 Overall IMDB rating says it all. You are too old and lack humour. Get with the times. 3/10? Who exactly is this review for? You are reviewing for the minority that does not like the show and won’t read an article like this anyway. Great way to appeal to new potential users to this website. I won’t visit this website again. I recommend this man should be fired and blacklisted

  • “could have”, not “could of”. Honestly, “scum” and lots of swearing. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

  • I’m younger than the 3 presenters, and I’m hardly likely to fire myself.

    And why should I be blacklisted, simply for giving an opinion you disagree with?

  • Chris, it’s perfectly acceptable to start a sentence with ‘And’. And where were the missing full stops? I did use them.

  • Tom, perhaps if you stopped calling me “scum” and “prick”, I might take you seriously.

  • “could of” again, instead of “could have”, “don” instead of “don’t”, “you was” instead of “you were”, and you missed a full stop at the end. Well done.

  • ReadySalted80 .

    Uhm this conversation has took a strange turn, DVDfever you couldn’t come across more condescending if you tried, I’ve never known anyone reply to comments on their own work even more so like this, you really do look a right……

  • I’m just treating the Clarkson fan-bois the same way they’re treating me. It seems to be a crime not to like The Grand Tour!

    And why wouldn’t I reply to comments on my own work? People have taken the time to comment, so I’ll reply.

  • Tom

    I actually started by disagreeing with your review and I didn’t give you any abuse from early. It was until you started being a bit of a dick to me criticising my grammar when not everyone is that great but at least I try and you wasn’t replying to what I was saying, you was just out to criticise any mistakes I did and maybe you would get more respect if you treated people a bit more fairly like listen to their opinions and have a discussion because I’m totally fine with what people like and don’t like, I really don’t have a problem with that. But I actually do think at the end of your review you should put something like “comment in the section below and tell us what you think” or something like that but I do respect if you didn’t like it. I wanted to know more why you didn’t and what bits you did and didn’t like but instead you was more bothered about my English which is irrelevant and unfair and that’s where the argument started.

  • Tom

    you may be good at English but I bet you’re not even English yourself and what’s your point because I’m not so good and you’re probably better but I don’t care. Seriously you seem to have like OCD with English. There’s a lot more bad things happening in the world than my frigging English and also most of my mistakes and other crap have come from predictive text. How can anyone take you seriously if this is how you treat people because you have provoked a lot of people especially me. How about having a discussion with us and share our opinions and maybe have a laugh but no your more bothered about how I write and that’s quite sad TBH. I really don’t care if you didn’t like it because everyone is different and I respect that. I wanted to know what bits you did and didn’t like and things like that but all you cared about was me and my English and you had know interest in having a discussion with me which I find sad. And that’s why people are the way they are. If I’m treated with a bit of respect I’ll give it back but not when someone has no interest in a conversation but are truly out to criticise any spelling mistakes or something really little to reply to. Sorry but that’s not my fault.

  • Tom

    Sorry I meant no instead of know before you start criticising me on that. It’s sad that I have to explain that. Wouldn’t bother anybody else as they would know what I meant.

  • “I bet you’re not even English yourself”

    Wow, so now you’re a racist, too!

  • Andrew Wylie

    In what world is 10% of 30 + 2 = 37?

  • The one where I got my maths wrong. 😉

  • Andrew Wylie

    Dude, you need to stop correcting other people’s mistakes when you publish an article stating that 10% of 30mph+2mph = 37mph. We all know that people can make mistakes, so there’s no need to call people out for it, especially when you’ve made mistakes yourself.

  • jeremy edwards

    Actually, that would be Nationalism…not Racism. You’ve done quite a bit to try to denigrate the previous posters, but you could have at least spent five seconds on Goggle to determine the difference.

  • pedram rayan

    costs more coz it’s supposed to be better. btw you’re not paying for it and no one asked you to review based on its budget. you’re one of those Opportunist gyps who wants to make himself seen by opposing against the fact. but you’ll get nothing except my middle finger so “suck it bastard”

  • “Goggle” the difference?

  • My parents were married when I was born, thankyou, but thanks so much for questioning the happening.

  • Zoanox YT

    This review should not be taken seriously.. Such an utter lack of attention to detail and I even spotted some spelling mistakes, this guy should proofread his “work” at least three times.

    My personal opinion on the show (not that anyone likely cares) is that it’s a nice refreshing reboot of Top Gear, unfortunately no Stig and no more “On That Bombshell”, which has now been replaced with an American with a face and “On that terrible disappointment”. I’m no public critique like the fella who wrote this however what I’d write would make this guy look like even more of an amateur than he already seems to be.

    I would rate the first episode of The Grand Tour a generous 7 / 10
    As of writing this comment, we are now 4 episodes into the tour, and it’s picked up quite nicely, my overall rating would be a strong 8.5 / 10

    If you enjoyed how Top Gear was like back in the days of perhaps The Vietnam Special, then I think you would greatly enjoy The Grand Tour as it is now.

  • heker40

    holy shit u have no idea what that show is about or what its purpose is, maybe you should review shows you actually understand.
    jeremy clarkson himself said that the show would be the way it is. you are the most uninformed reviewer i have ever seen

  • stbrads

    Dvdfever you’re a donkey. Top Gear wasn’t cancelled because it sucked. GT is exactly what the show would have been had it continued only it’s better now. The celebrity brain drian you speak of is actually an improvement the celebrity interviews were shit anyway now we get an hour of the good stuff. Either you are stupid or completly miss the point of this show. These guys drive the shit out of the world’s best cars and get to complain about them. They get to do these insane challenges. Who cares if it’s 90% scripted it’s a comedy show not an improv. You complain because you’re jealous. Just sit back and enjoy the ride and stfu. I’ll never read another review of yours again.

  • Matt Newman

    Anyone who rates this show any less than brilliant clearly never liked top gear as this is just that without the bbcs stupid restrictions, so therefore have no place rating it.

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