Don’t Rock The Boat is another celebrity show in a sea of celebrity shows, and sea is apt, because the twelve chosen ones will battle it out across 500 miles over 5 episodes, each at 9pm this week (almost, on Tuesday, due to Bake Off on Channel 4, since no-one wants to compete against a soggy bottom).
The 12 will be going from St.Ives to the top of Scotland, and they are: Adam Thomas (actor, apparently), Jodie Kidd (supermodel?), Denise Lewis (Olympic gold medal winner and will kick everyone’s backside), Craig Charles (he’s in a sitcom which was once decent), Fleur East (pop star?), Tom Watson (lost a lot of weight and is no longer in politics, so has a lot of time on his hands), Joe Weller (Youtuber – unemployed, in other words), Lucy Fallon (actress, apparently), Kimberley Wyatt (used to be in the Pussycat Dolls, and still eeking out her fifteen minutes of fame), Shaun Wallace (him from The Chase, who often throws the final Chase), Victoria Pendleton (cycles a bit at the olympics) and Jack Fincham (winner of Love Island, whatever that is).
All 12 of them talk about how they want to win, and how they’re competitive, etc, as they each set off in teams of six (red and blue – so, it’s a bit like Bargain Hunt).
There’s rowing with two teams of three each – rowing for 90 miles and for 48 hours in one go, while additional footage is shot of the remainders of the team, onshore and shouting encouragement that they won’t be able to hear. For the rest, there’s abseiling down a 140-foot cliff whilst collecting buoys. It won’t take 48 hours to get down to the bottom, but the rowing is probably safer (even though it would knacker me out), as I hate heights.
I can say that the captains are Denise (for the blue team) and Jodie (for the red), but obviously, if you want to know who’ll win, you’ll have to watch the programme.
As for the presenters, there’s Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff who, like Tom Watson, used to have a day job, but now odd-jobs around TV including Top Gear. He’s joined by AJ Odudu. No, me neither. Had to look her up, and I can’t pinpoint one main TV programme to her that rings a bell. However, she hosts a 4Music programme with Jimmy Hill… but not the former footballer. Because he’s dead.
Overall, Don’t Rock The Boat fills a gap in the schedule, but is about as undemanding as TV can be. It wasn’t really my bag and I don’t think I’ll be checking out any more, but given how productions will be scaled back as we go in and out of lockdown like a yoyo, we’ll probably get a lot more of these over the next year or so, as the pandemic isn’t going away any time soon.
Don’t Rock The Boat is on ITV from tonight at 9pm, and is shown over five consecutive nights. It’s unlikely to be released on Blu-ray or DVD.
After broadcast, each episode will be on the ITV Hub.
Episode 1 Score: Everything you expect
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.