King of Crime (aka Milk and Honey) is a film I was looking forward to once I heard it starred The Bill stalwart, Mark Wingett (above), aka Jim Carver.
Alas, no sooner had it begun than there were problems, starting with some cardboard cut-out baddies who want to infect company computers with viruses which also harm any potential backups. As they discussed their processes, Mr Wingett, as Marcus King, swaggers in like Mr Big, but he doesn’t convince as someone with the gravitas of his Quadrophenia co-star Ray Winstone, in Scum.
But our lead isn’t just where a soap actor appears, since not only does Emmerdale’s Clare King play his wife, Yvonne (another King), but The Bill‘s Burnside (Christopher Ellison) also pops up in this, but less of a hard man and… just a butler to the Kings.
However, memorable faces are not what will retain your interest as none of what happens makes any sense.
There’s a ridiculous stabbing that happens in broad daylight and could be seen by anyone. There’s a rape scene where we’re supposed to believe that the victim’s tall and muscular boyfriend can’t overpower a chancer in order to stop it. Even if one of them has a knife, you’d still make an effort!
We’re aware that King is a bad guy, but he has even worse guys after them, and to make matters worse, they have connections to ISIS… yeah, this plot was written on the back of a cigarette packet!
The level of acting is risible and forced, continuity is out the window altogether and all the bad guys are about as threatening as Floella Benjamin from Play School.
In fact, when I got to one ‘burning issue’ around halfway through, thanks to laughable fire/smoke CGI, it was so bad I ended up laughing my head off. So, does that mean it’s “so bad it’s good”? Well, your mileage may vary…
Any real pluses? Rachel Bright, as Jessica, is fine, but she’s the only one. She’s also stunning.
King of Crime is like a school production that’s had zero preparation, and it was “based on an idea by James Welling”. He should have forgotten it.
King Of Crime is released tomorrow on a limited cinema release, and early next year on DVD and digital.
Running time: 102 minutes
Studio: Munro Film Services
Released: November 2nd 2018
Director: Matt Gambell
Producers: Linda Dunscombe and James Welling
Screenplay: Linda Dunscombe
Music: Luigi Pulcini and Saverio Rapezzi
Marcus King: Mark Wingett
Yvonne King: Claire King
Jessica Slade: Rachel Bright
Edward: Christopher Ellison
Brad Walsh: Nicholas Brendon
Mr. Mustaffa: Vas Blackwood
Andrew King: Jonno Davies
James King: Zed Josef
Jimmy Tate: Greg Tanner
Kylie White: Lisa Ronaghan
Gemma Carter: Francesca Louise White
Anthony Tully: Hainsley Lloyd Bennett
George: Bryn Hodgen
Dexter: Richard Summers-Calvert
Mo: Jack Loy
Zoe: Makenna Guyler
Steve: Steve Richardson
Mr. King Snr: Grant Kempster
Man who has hand stabbed with fork: Ed Brody
Young guy in baseball bat scene: Cameron Farrelly
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.