Moana…. (Live Action), the BBFC title card proudly boasts, even though ten years after the 2016 CGI movie, we now have a near-shot-for-shot remake movie with… lots of CGI. Genius, Disney!
However, I’m largely unfamiliar with the plot of this film, given that when it came on TV last Xmas, I managed about 20 minutes before zoning out, but for want of a plot, Maui (Dwayne Johnson) is attacked by a baddie (volcanic demon, apparently) and disappears, along with his fish hook and the Heart of Te Fiti, which sinks to the bottom of the sea, along with Rose Dawson’s Heart of the Ocean.
Before long, “I am Moanaaaaaaaaaaaa!”, trills Catherine Laga’aia… well, not really. She’s CLEARLY not singing that!
There are problems at home, on her island, because they can’t realistically JUST look for fish in the local Laguna, so she wants to fish further out, although her parents forbid this. Still, she’s a rebellious teenager, so she’ll do what she wants, of course.
But it’s dangerous, so to coin a phrase, she’s going to need a bigger boat… and it’ll first require the bang of a drum.
More importantly, the budget for this remake is a crazy $250m, which is the same as 2024’s Amazon box-office bomb Red One, ALSO starring this Johnson! In that case, he kept turning up late and caused $50m of that budget. What was his excuse, this time?
It is odd that Disney put this out at the same time as Toy Story 5, thus basically competing with itself. They did they same last year when the Lilo And Stitch did surprisingly very well, kicking the better Elio into the long grass. And Elio also had great 3D, which will largely go unseen by most people.
In fact, Odeon are barely showing films in 3D, these days, even when there’s the demand! Last year’s Minecraft was showing in 3D for FOUR WEEKS, whereas Moana is only showing in 3D in a handful of cinemas miles from me, and the new Minions film only lasted until its first Sunday before the 3D was kicked out soon after. Why? It wasn’t empty in those screens, so give people the choice!
On the plus side, like the original film, this one also retains the 2.39:1 theatrical aspect ratio, which is better than the clusterfuck that was Moana 2, which was originally planned as a TV series, so was stuck with a shitty 2.00:1 aspect ratio, meaning it ends up floating in the middle of most cinema screens, because most cinemas can’t be bothered to implement a 2.00:1 zoom, even though scores of films use it each year, these days. I’ve tried so many times to get cinemas to listen, but they just don’t give a shit.
Oh, and her old granny, Gramma Tala (Rena Owen), looks like David Carradine!
Overall, I’ll be generous and just give Moana one. Disney, you’re welcome!
NOTE: There are no mid nor post-credits scenes.
Moana is in cinemas now, but isn’t yet available to pre-order on Blu-ray or DVD. However, once announced, it will appear on the New DVD Blu-ray 3D and 4K releases UK list.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 115 minutes
Release date: July 10th 2026
Studio: Disney
Aspect ratio: 2.39:1 (ARRIRAW (6.5K), Redcode RAW (8K))
Cinema: Odeon Trafford Centre
Rating: 1/10
Director: Thomas Kail
Producers: Beau Flynn, Hiram Garcia, Dany Garcia, Dwayne Johnson, Lin-Manuel Miranda
Screenplay: Jared Bush, Dana Ledoux Miller
Music: Opetaia Foa’i, Mark Mancina, Lin-Manuel Miranda
Cast:
Moana: Catherine Laga’aia
Maui: Dwayne Johnson
Gramma Tala: Rena Owen
Chief Tui: John Tui
Sina: Frankie Adams
Tamatoa: Jemaine Clement
Moana (age 4): Emma Puahi-Shapazian
Moana (age 8): Amaya Masoli
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.