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No Time To Die is a complete waste of everyone’s time.
There, that’s the review and you can all move on… Ok, I’ll go into more detail.
The 25th – and much delayed – Bond movie opens with Rami Malek (Bohemian Rhapsody, The Little Things) turning up to Madeleine’s house many moons ago, asking her mother for Mr White, and announcing himself as Lyutsifer Safin. White’s not there, but Safin still has a score to settle because his family were murdered. The young Madeleine escapes, so that’ll lead us into this movie, around 20 years later where she’s still doing the do with James Bond.
Oh, and I’ll add here that I do wish the Bond and Mission: Impossible films would stick to one story per movie, rather than trying to turn them into an ongoing soap opera. That’s so ridiculously tiresome, but before too long, Bond’s (the 70-year-old Daniel Craig – Logan Lucky) involved in an explosion, and then both a car and motorbike coming at him, while abseiling down a bridge I’m sure I blew up in Sniper Elite 4 (sorry, Italy). To be fair, though, when Cyclops (Dali Benssalah), the motorbike guy, had a chance to kill him, why not just shoot as soon as possible? He could’ve saved us a wasted three hours. What a dick!
To avoid too many spoilers, Madeleine (Léa Seydoux – The Lobster) potentially has a connection with Spectre, but that’s if you believe what a soon-to-be-murdered baddie tells Bond. And why would he listen anyway? It’s like believing the school bully when you know they’re a grade-A twat.
We do get an impressive opening car chase leading to shooting baddies in a circular motion, but then even the worst Bond films usually have a decent initial scene. However, that’s followed by the news that Madeleine lied to him about her past, so he’s done with her. Shame it leads into a Billie Eyelash song, with these opening credits coming some 24 minutes into the film, which must be a record for a Bond movie, surely?
Still, at least this theme tune can’t be the worst ever, since that’s a tie between Adele and Sam Smith’s opening dirges. My eardrums never fully recovered…
No Time To Die had a chequered road to come to the screen, initially being due out in late 2019 before being put back to April 2020. Naturally, no-one outside of the Chinese communist government knew that they were creating a virus which would lead to a pandemic and kill millions of people, but hey, that’s what you get if you trust a communist government!
Meanwhile, Valdo Obruchev (David Dencik – Black Crab) is working with the baddies in retrieving something snazzy, and Doctor Hugh Dennis is forced to assist the baddies, so bumping him off is a rather poor do. That said, if I was an actor and was asked to be in a Bond movie as a one-off, I’d want to go the same way. Still, it leads to bringing 007 out of retirement. And unlike having previously worked with other “00”s, such as 006 in Goldeneye, this time, it’s… 007, again, played by Lashana Lynch (Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness IMAX 3D).
It gets a bit stupidly twisty-turny about who’s working with who, and who’s not on the right side, but then it’s a Bond movie, so should I really follow it? Either way, Spectre agents have all been killed with a weaponised virus, Heracles, of which M (Ralph Fiennes – The Menu) knew its existence. So, when M said the problem was just a gas leak, when we’ve seen the sort of derring do that the enemy have been up to – I wondered, is he in on this? Well, it could be that it the virus was designed to save lives, but it’s just been used to nefarious ends by the baddies.
Some random observations:
- Another potential Bond Girl is Ana De Armas as Paloma, wearing just a slight bit more than she did in Blade Runner 2049.
- Cyclops puts his eye back in after it’s been on the floor. Ugh!
- Bond and Paloma shoot at baddies like a videogame with auto-tracking on when you fire your weapon, instantly killing the baddie with a single shot. So lazy!
- Later, Bond just shoots suited-up SOCOM-style baddies as if they’re not wearing any protective armour and go down with a single shot.
- The water with the red-suited technicians and the vertical lights looks like something from a Daft Punk video.
- I would question why Bond needs a desk where the drawer opens at the push of a button, rather than the pull of a traditional handle? Sounds ridiculous!
- Bond gets his Aston Martin out and drives it badly. The lack of coherence between scenes is a complete nonsense!
- There’s an amusing line from new 007 to Moneypenny (Naomie Harris – Swan Song): “I get why you shot him”, who replies, “Everyone tries at least once.”, although it does seem odd that it’s just funny to shoot men. Very sexist.
- Madeleine and Safin come back into the film almost halfway through, after which I’d long since forgot about them. Like Skyfall and The World Is Not Enough, the films are 50% done before the baddie makes a proper entrance.
- Plus, Madeleine is far too young for Bond. Ms Seydoux was born in 1985, and him, 1968, so there’s 17 years age difference.
- Mark Kermode said he found Avatar: The Way of Water “staggeringly boring“. I found the same for this.
- Why do baddies come after him in a car, when he can just nudge them to the side and they ALWAYS flip over?!
- No Time To Die is crazy-overlong, and just feels so by-the-numbers and lacking in excitement.
- Rami’s hardly in it.
- Plus, ultimately, Nomi commits murrder just on the grounds of suspected racism, which I don’t think would stand up in a court of law, if she was ever to be found out.
- The first and last (approx) 30 minutes of the film aren’t shot in the usual 2.39:1 widescreen ratio, but bafflingly for a Bond movie, 1.43:1 for such cinemas that can do it (up to 4 in the UK, currently). As such, why aren’t those scenes at least in 1.78:1 here?
- Also, it’s a nice touch early on how Bond says to Madeleine, “We have all the time in the world“, just as an instrumental rendition of said song comes along, the film also ending on the song proper.
- And two spoilery bits:
However, in a Bond movie, I want big action set-pieces and quick-witted put downs, not dull romance stories, bickering about who should be 007, and a main baddie who’s hardly in it and just looks like he’s preparing to bust out into a Queen song! As such, we have an endless maudlin tale about love never working out.
Whenever we get the next Bond actor and movie, I hope we go back to the days of regular wisecracks and action, and not this utter rubbish they’ve been serving up for most of Daniel Craig’s tenure. Even Quantum of Solace was better than most of what’s followed.
I did have the 4K version to watch as of over a year ago, then when I saw some Bond films coming out at the cinema again, so I put off watching it in the hope this would also be shown. It was… but unlike any others, it quickly sold out before I realised. D’oh. Still, it was in one of the Odeon Trafford Centre’s tiny screens, so not much fun in that circumstance.
No Time To Die is available to buy on 4K Blu-ray, Blu-ray, DVD and Amazon Prime.
No Time To Die – Final Trailer – Universal Pictures
Detailed specs:
Cert:
Running time: 163 minutes
Release date: September 30th 2021
Studio: Universal Pictures UK
Format: 2.39:1, 1.43:1 (IMAX with Laser: some scenes), 1.90:1 (IMAX Digital: some scenes) (Arri 765, Dolby Vision, Anamorphic Panavision, Panavision Super 70, IMAX)
Rating: 3/10Director: Cary Joji Fukunaga
Producers: Barbara Broccoli, Michael G Wilson
Screenplay: Neal Purvis, Robert Wade, Cary Joji Fukunaga, Phoebe Waller-Bridge
Music: Hans ZimmerCast:
James Bond: Daniel Craig
Madeleine: Léa Seydoux
Lyutsifer Safin: Rami Malek
Nomi: Lashana Lynch
M: Ralph Fiennes
Q: Ben Whishaw
Moneypenny: Naomie Harris
Tanner: Rory Kinnear
Felix Leiter: Jeffrey Wright
Logan Ash: Billy Magnussen
Blofeld: Christoph Waltz
Valdo Obruchev: David Dencik
Paloma: Ana de Armas
Primo (Cyclops): Dali Benssalah
Mathilde: Lisa-Dorah Sonnet
Young Madeleine: Coline Defaud
Madeleine’s Mother: Mathilde Bourbin
Dr. Hardy: Hugh Dennis
Dr. Symes: Priyanga Burford
Military Officer at Spectre Party: Michael G Wilson (uncredited)
Alison Smith: Amy Morgan
Sarah Jones: Lizzie Winkler
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.
