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Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse has opening credits which are like a bubblegum nightmare with pastel shades of colour.
I hadn’t seen the previous film, so I came to everything afresh, but with Spider-Gwen (Hailee Steinfeld – Dickinson), she’s a spunky teenager who gives as good as she gets, and I preferred this version of Gwen, rather than being a simping teen who’s just lusting after Peter Parker.
I will get into the basics of the plot, so… you’ve been warned.
Amongst all the multiverses, in this one, it begins with Peter being dead at the hands (or claws) of the Lizard. Her cop Dad, George Stacy (Shea Whigham), wants to take in the culprit, and thinks it’s her (albeit, he doesn’t know her real identity because she’s in a masked outfit), but that would make for a very short film.
After a battle with the Vulture, which also brings in Spider-Man 2099 (Oscar Isaac) into it, but there’s a lot more interaction when The Spot (Jason Schwartzman).
Occasionally, descriptive text pops up onscreen, such as describing the word ‘Hammerspace’ when it’s mentioned,plus with someclever dialogue, such as when one character says “Go to Helvetica!”, another responds, “Bold!”
However, with a Beatles nod in the title, Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse just feels like a multitude of ideas thrown together, without any clear direction of knowing where they’re going or why. It’s just a case of: Let’s throw as much nonsense at the wall as we can, and see what sticks.
Ultimately, Miles Morales (Shameik Moore) will team up with Spider-men, women etc from other universes in order to get the job done, but since they have to make a third film, the job will never be done, as they have to concoct a way to keep it going on and on.
As stated, as well as having not seen ‘Into the Spider-Verse‘, I have no knowledge of the ‘2099’ character since I don’t read the comic books. Hey, I’m just killing an afternoon to watch this.
As such, I also didn’t understand the way the years work in this film, as the ‘present day’ in Brooklyn, is set in 1610 AD, plus there’s other multiverses such as a LEGO universe in 13122 AD. Plus, there’s even one in Mumbai – as Mumbatten, not Manhattan; and Neva York 998 AD.
Given Gwen’s style, one Reddit user wondered whether this character was actually trans. Now, can we have a film where we’re not getting into this? She’s just a teenage girl. The Redditor said they thought that teenagers have more to think about their gender identity than Pythagoras’ theorem. I countered – No, the former is nothing I had to concern myself with when I was at school, and was too busy trying to speak to girls, instead.
Simiarly, Charlize Theron raised her adopted son as a girl, claiming the boy identified as a girl at the age of seven. Really? Do you know what I wanted to be around that age? Buck Rogers! I was clearly mad! Because I was a kid! Now, if only the mainstream media would stop filling childrens’ heads with nonsense, they can just get on with growing up.
I’m quite glad I didn’t see the first film, in the end, since I’d have struggled to sit through it if it’s just more of the same, flashing a load of nonsense before my eyes, but with the easy option to switch it off.
The first film was a shade under two hours, which could’ve been reasonable, but this one is140 minutes, and really drags.
And if you missed the mid-credits scene, check out the short video below.
Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse is in cinemas now, and is available to pre-order on 4K Blu-ray, 4K Blu-ray Steelbook, Blu-ray and DVD.
Available now is the Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse: The Art of the Movie Art Book Hardcover and Funko Pop.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 140 minutes
Release date: June 2nd 2023
Studio: Sony Pictures Releasing
Format: 2.35:1
Cinema: Cineworld Didsbury
Rating: 3/10
Directors: Joaquim Dos Santos, Kemp Powers, Justin K Thompson
Producers: Avi Arad, Phil Lord, Christopher Miller, Amy Pascal
Screenplay: Phil Lord, Christopher Miller, Dave Callaham
Characters: Stan Lee
Music: Daniel Pemberton
Voice Cast:
Miles Morales: Shameik Moore
Gwen Stacy: Hailee Steinfeld
Jeff Morales: Brian Tyree Henry
Rio Morales: Luna Lauren Velez
George Stacy: Shea Whigham
Peter B. Parker: Jake Johnson
Miguel O’Hara / Spider-Man 2099: Oscar Isaac
Spot: Jason Schwartzman
Jessica Drew: Issa Rae
Hobie Brown: Daniel Kaluuya
Pavitr Prabhakar: Karan Soni
George Stacy: Shea Whigham
LYLA: Greta Lee
Uncle Aaron: Mahershala Ali
Margo Kess: Spider-Byte: Amandla Stenberg
Miles G. Morales: Jharrel Jerome
Ben Reilly: Andy Samberg
Peter Parker: Jack Quaid
Ms. Weber: Rachel Dratch
Lenny: Ziggy Marley
Adriano Tumino / ’67: Jorma Taccone
J. Jonah Jameson: JK Simmons
Aaron Davis: Donald Glover
May / Quippy Spider-Person: Elizabeth Perkins
Doc Ock: Kathryn Hahn
Glory: Ayo Edebiri
MJ: Nicole Delaney
Betty: Antonina Lentini
Yuri: Atsuko Okatsuka
Ganke: Peter Sohn
Mary Jane: Melissa Sturm
Maria: Lorraine Velez
Lego Spider-Man: Nic Novicki
Web-Slinger: Taran Killam
Metro Spider-Man: Leland ‘Metro Boomin’ Wayne
Spectacular Spider-Man: Josh Keaton
Malala Windsor: Spider-UK: Sofia Barclay
Charlotte Weber: Sun-Spider: Danielle Perez
Insomniac Spider-Man: Yuri Lowenthal
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.