The Affair Episode 3 begins by putting the viewer into a coma – Noah goes swimming, then talks to Bruce, then we see how both Noah and Helen are too busy to look after the kids, and his mother-in-law, Margaret, hates him… how about a slow game of chess for the whole hour? You could go to the last ad break just before one of the players resigns. Seriously, how did this pass for quality drama when it’s so bloody slow?? I know some programme are well-told over many hours, but this is a 4-part drama spread over ten episodes, at best.
Anyhoo, so Noah goes to chat to Bruce’s editor, over brunch, about his new book, and is told he has an “honest face”, yet clearly not an honest voice, given his American accent.
Then food is of the essence again, as he goes for lunch at the Lobster Roll for his first obligatory meet-up with Alison… yet she’s not on that day. Instead, he uses the excuse to buy two of the cafe’s own T-shirts for his children, yet somehow, two T-shirts cost $100?? Yes, A HUNDRED DOLLARS!! What are they made of? Gold?!!
To console himself, he pops down to the library to take a look at his first book, only to find that no-one has checked it out. Ever.
Ah, and THEN he finds Alison! And she courteously allows them to just be friends. But what to make of the huge plaster on her thigh, that she’s desperate to cover up? Still, not to worry, as after they go to the docks with the pretence of buying some fish, and then bumping into Cole’s friend Scotty – which unnerves her, until she gives Noah a good snog.
He meets up with Alison again later, telling her how he’s obsessed with her, with her responding in kind, leading to them having it off.
As he gets home, Helen and the two older children are watching Ferris Bueller’s Day Off on TV. On the plus side, the TV is mounted nicely above the fireplace and not stuck in the corner of the room, whereas on the down side, the film is normally shown in the original 2.35:1 theatrical widescreen ratio, yet here, it is presented in a 16:9 anamorphic squeeze, so Cameron looks thinner than normal as he kicks his father’s car over while the miles aren’t coming off, towards the end of the film. John Hughes will be spinning in his grave.
At the end of this part, Noah tells the cop he should be talking to Oscar Hodges (Alison’s ghastly boss), because for a long time, feuds have been going on betwen the Hodges and the Lockharts…
Then Part Two: Alison, again, and she’s playing unhappy families with Cole (Joshua Jackson – above-left), as usual.
She goes to get her old job back at the hospital where she used to work (apparently), or at least that’s the pretence, as she nicks some medical supplies, instead. However, this is just to patch up her thigh, where she’s been self-harming. Yes, you thought it was Cole who abused her, didn’t you?
After her boss has slagged off her husband while she’s at work, later, Alison meets up with Noah at the library, but they have a discreet kiss and not a lot more.
When we get to the Town Hall meeting, Cole makes a drunken embarrassment of himself, deriding plans to expand the Lobster Roll cafe to add a bowling alley, much to owner Oscar’s annoyance… which makes him even more annoyed when his plans are denied.
As for the two leads making bacon again… it never happened, judging by her memory, as he was never there. Instead, she stays home and gives Cole a blowie before letting him bang her.
This is going like Fortitude, where my opinion of each episode went down by a point each week, until I got to zero. The first two episodes of this were 6/10 and 5/10, and this? Yes, 4/10.
The Affair continues next Wednesday on Sky Atlantic at 9pm, and click on the top image for the full-size version.
Episode 3 Score: 4/10
Directors: Jeffrey Reiner
Producer: Andrea P Stilgenbauer
Writer: Eric Overmyer
Creators: Sarah Treem and Hagai Levi
Sound: Marcelo Zarvos
Noah Solloway: Dominic West
Alison Bailey: Ruth Wilson
Helen Solloway: Maura Tierney
Cole Lockhart: Joshua Jackson
Whitney Solloway: Julia Goldani Telles
Bruce Butler: John Doman
Stacey Solloway: Leya Catlett
Trevor Solloway: Jadon Sand
Martin Solloway: Jake Richard Siciliano
Cherry Lockhart: Mare Winningham
Margaret Butler: Kathleen Chalfant
Detective Jeffries: Victor Williams
Oscar Hodges: Darren Goldstein
Mary-Kate Lockhart: Kaija Matiss
Jane: Nicolette Robinson
Jocelyn: Rebecca Rittenhouse
Caleb Lockhart: Michael Godere
Scotty Lockhart: Colin Donnell
Hal Lockhart: Danny Fischer
Ruby: Paulina Singer
Will: Sean Kleier
Harry: Stephen Kunken
Cook: Alfredo Diaz
Jules: Carolina Ravassa
Miranda: Teresa Yenque
Sick Child: Sawyer Shipman
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.