The Lie Of The Land takes place six months on from the arrival of the Monks, and it appears they’ve been responsible for everything in the world from when it began… such is the brainwashing muck being spouted by The Doctor since Bill inadvertently changed the world last week… I mean, six months ago.
Go against the New Order and you’re sentenced ot ten years of hard labour, or death. So, it’s like the world has been turned into North Korea, except without as many hot women.
What to do? Nardole tracked The Doctor down to a ship, and as luck would have it, they could take a trip there in two days time. Hence, they get on board, but he doesn’t want to leave and instead blames the Bill for her actions, and bigs up the Monks for saying they bring peace and order.
Thus, she takes a gun from a guard and points it at the Doctor, and shoots him! He’s regenerating!!! ….back to himself… since the bullets were blanks, and this whole scene was a test on Bill to make sure she wasn’t part of the Monks. FFS! He’s wasted six months on that?? Has he got nothing better to do?? He can just do the ‘regeneration’ thing on a whim? Lots of people have died during this time and the Doctor would rather fuck about and let them die!!
Steven Moffat hasn’t just jumped the shark – they’ve all got into his boat!
Oh, and that bit at the end of the initial series trailer where it looked like the Doctor was dying and about to regenerate, and all the Whovians pissed their pants at this ‘spoiler’? Well, THAT was this scene. What a fuss about nothing.
In order to defeat the Monks, he needs Missy brought out of the vault, since she’s done it before by killing the ‘lynchpin’ which keeps them in place. Turns out the lynchpin is Bill. Why? Because she brought them there.
So, do we finally get to kill Bill? Or will the Doctor think of some other half-assed idea – yes, he did. It was a terrible one which, despite a bit more promise, still led to Bill staying alive. However, the idea was to break into the pyramid, and try to ignore the beam which gets stronger the closer you are… the stronger it is, the more you love the leader… and believe their fake news. No doubt their fake news includes the bollocks that man-made global warming is a thing.
Oh, you believe that? That’s the Monks for you.
The biggest waste of this episode was that today was the day that we saw The Doctor finally walk into the vault. Okay, so we knew Missy was in there, but once she’d done her five-minute stint, that was it.
Somehow, Bill thinking about her dead mum solves the problem, confusing the Monks as it screws with their plan to leak memories of them through the bloodline, blah, blah. Yeah, right.
And Nardole did little more than a Tarovian neck pinch – wherever the hell Tarovia is meant to be.
So, 1/10 for almost killing Bill. At least we had some potential in this. Such a shame it didn’t happen. Also, Missy was forced to remember those she killed, finally shedding a tear for them, but we know this won’t change her behaviour and make her all nicey nicey, and before long, she’ll turn back into John Simm’s Master, anyway.
Next week: Ice Warriors on Mars. And the Victorians are there, too.
The Lie Of The Land is available on the BBC iPlayer until one week after the series ends.
Individual episodes can be bought in HD and SD here.
Director: Wayne Yip
Producer: Nikki Wilson
Executive Producers: Steven Moffat and Brian Minchin
Writer: Toby Whithouse
Music: Murray Gold
The Doctor: Peter Capaldi
Bill: Pearl Mackie
Nardole: Matt Lucas
Missy: Michelle Gomez
Mother: Emma Handy
Group Commander: Beatrice Curnew
Alan: Stewart Wright
Richard: Solomon Israel
Giant Monk: Jamie Hill
Bill’s Mum: Rosie Jane
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.