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X-Men: Apocalypse begins back in Ancient Egypt, around 3600 BCE (Before Common Era – I had to look that up. I presume it means, before Lonnie Rashid Lynn Jr, aka the rapper known as Common, became a star, but I’d need to check)
By a non-coincidence, this is also when the first mutant, En Sabah Nur – later to become Apocalypse – is done a wrong turn by his followers and emtombed forever in a scene which looks a bit Stargate-like… until he’s later disturbed in 1983 by Dr. Moira MacTaggert (Rose Byrne) while she’s out and about.
1983 is not only the best year ever for music, but also ten years on from the events in X-Men: Days of Future Past, where crash, bang, wallop, sideburns and bad dress sense prevailed, such was the style at the time. However, while there has effectively been ten years of peace, it doesn’t mean that the mutants haven’t faced prejudice along the way.
Not knowing anything about the backstory, and not being a reader of the comics, I leave the films to fill in all the blanks for me, so while I didn’t know that those accompanying Apocalypse (Oscar Isaac – Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Inside Llewyn Davis) were called the Four Horsemen, I still got the idea that he’s got his gang and the good guys will have theirs, so it’s like a fight after school on Grange Hill.
Cyclops (Tye Sheridan, who starred in 2014’s Joe, opposite Nicolas Cage) is front and centre in this one, as he’s introduced into Professor X’s School for Kids Who Do The Craziest Things, since he’s just learning of what his eyes can achieve. Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) is also introduced, and while her talents are used less out of the two, both certainly get to show off what they can do.
There’s a fair amount of globe-trotting, taking in Ohio, then East Berlin where Raven (Jennifer Lawrence) observes cage fighting between Angel (Ben Hardy) and Nightcrawler (Kodi Smit-McPhee), then to Poland where Erik (Michael Fassbender) suffers a tragedy, where the feeling’s gone and he can’t go on, and given his situation, it’s hard to bear, because with no one to love you, you’re goin’ nowhere… so the bad guys whip out a bit of James Taylor instead, as they prove he’s got a friend. (None of these songs are featured in the film and I promise I have not taken LSD before writing this)
Oh, and they also go to Cairo… since we’re in Egypt. Plus, take a brief stop-off in Auschwitz.
While there aren’t as many action scenes as one might expect, leading to a fair number of talking scenes, the latter all tend to work a lot better in furthering the plot – such that it is – than those we saw in Captain America: Civil War. That said, X-Men: Apocalypse is definitely about 20 minutes too long. As for the big baddie’s intentions, Apocalypse just wants to destroy everything and remake it in his image, which seems to involve lifting the destruction high into the air and swirl it around incessantly, for no particular reason. Presumably, at some point, he would get some workmen in to actually take some of this rubble and turn it back into new buildings, but if they’re anything like the men who worked on my house, then the impending bank holiday weekend means they’re taking the two weeks off around it and won’t be turning up for a while.
As such, his intent falls a bit flat given the number of superhero movies where buildings have been splattered six ways from Sunday, leaving and end result looking like a quarry from Doctor Who.
Go to page 2 for more thoughts about this film…
Overall, Bryan Singer et al have thrown everything INCLUDING the kitchen sink at this one, although it’s still left in need of more humour.
Alexandra Shipp, as the young Storm, and Olivia Munn, as Psylocke, are stunning beyond belief, and are great even when they’re just standing around looking hot. Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) has an uncredited cameo for no little other reason than to please the fans who’d have otherwise missed him, and there’s a now-obligatory slo-mo scene for Quicksilver (Evan Peters) (with the Eurythmics’ Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This), which looks a bit forced and ‘cardboard cut-out’ compared to that in Days of Future Past. In fact, there’s a better scene doing the rounds in the current Sky Fibre advert, which, unsurprisingly, was amongst the adverts before this film. And talking of cameos, Stan Lee also pops up, this time along with the missus, Joanie Lee.
There’s a remark as Scott, Jean, Nightcrawler and Jubilee come out of the cinema after watching Return of the Jedi, commenting that “the third movie is always the worst”. Well, First Class was superb, while Days of Future Past was very good. Here, the story isn’t as strong as the last film, and there are times when Apocalypse doesn’t look particularly threatening, such as when he goes to the young Storm’s house where he watches TV in order to gain knowledge, and he comes across about as menacing as Napoleon when he got lumbered with the kids in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
X-Men: Apocalypse doesn’t quite measure up to the first two, but it would be doing it a disservice to say it’s one of the worst superhero films. And, for me, that certainly fell to the aforementioned Captain America: Civil War. It could have done with a stronger plot, though, as there’s only so many times Magneto can go off the rails with the Prof going out of his way to tame him. And given the penchant for TV spinoffs these days, how long before we get an X-Men series where the pair are doing the same dance week-in, week-out?
This was the first time I’d been to the Vue, Lowry, and while the screen was huge, the sound is on-point, the seating is extremely comfy, and the place is clearly well-decked out for a large auditorium (I was in screen 1), I do have one major issue. I like to watch a film’s end credits, and there are some which contain mid- and/or post-credits sequences. X-Men: Apocalypse features one at the very end, but as soon as the credits began, they whacked the side house lights up to almost full which was completely unnecessary. Yes, I know that people need to see to leave, if they’re going at that point, but there was a happy medium with the way the room was almost completely dark during the trailers. Due to the brightness, the light spilled onto the screen and the credits weren’t as legible as they should be.
I almost cheered as the lights came right back down just as the post-credits scene was about to start, BUT, they came back up on full halfway through!!! Completely ruined the content of that scene and was so distracting I had to look up a description afterwards.
I could see, behind me, there were two cleaners sat down so it didn’t look like they were to blame for the lights going back up at that moment, but if the lights are automated then they need to be done manually, and if they were manual, then that person needs to be watching the post-credits scene to know when it has finished… but as I said, the lights shouldn’t be so bright while the credits run anyway.
I go to the Odeon a fair bit, at both Trafford Centre and the Printworks in Manchester, and I’ve had to bring that to their attention before when the cleaners have whacked them up full blast (there’s a switch available to them on the walkway up to the auditorium as you go inside).
Anyone who’s read my cinema reviews before will know that how end credits are treated in cinemas is a bug-bear of mine, particularly when I went to see San Andreas last year.
My belief is that if there are audience members still in the room, the lights should not be switched on so bright while the credits roll, and the staff should stay out of sight until everyone has left. I’m sure, had I had reason to chat to the cleaners at Vue that they would’ve been as friendly as the staff I met on my arrival, but when you’re trying to enjoy the end credit music (and any scenes that follow), what you don’t need is a reminder that you’re back in reality. The credits only run for five minutes or so, usually, and I’m sure the clean-up can wait. And if it can’t – as Odeon Printworks once tried to make the point about the urgency of cleaning, then the screening start times should be made later by five minutes to account for this.
I know that the Odeon, for example, like to have the cleaners standing there to ‘thank’ people as they leave, but to me, that’s an Americanism and in any event, they can still stand back by the doors so they’re not in view. When a staff member can be seen during the credits, it communicates the message of “You’re in the way. Leave now”.
Now, about that post-credits scene, which I will preface with a spoiler tag…
X-Men: Apocalypse is available to pre-order on 3D Blu-ray, Blu-ray, 4K, DVD and a Blu-ray Book Pack Limited Edition, and click on the poster, and all of the other images, for the full-size versions.
Detailed specs:
Cert: 
Running time: 144 minutes
Studio: 20th Century Fox
Year: 2016
Format: 2.35:1 (Redcode RAW (6K) (dual-strip 3-D))
Released: May 18th 2016
Rating: 6.5/10
Director: Bryan Singer
Producers: Simon Kinberg, Lauren Shuler Donner and Bryan Singer
Screenplay: Simon Kinberg (based on a story by Bryan Singer, Simon Kinberg, Michael Dougherty and Dan Harris)
Music: John Ottman
Cast:
Professor Charles Xavier: James McAvoy
Erik Lehnsherr / Magneto: Michael Fassbender
Raven / Mystique: Jennifer Lawrence
Hank McCoy / Beast: Nicholas Hoult
En Sabah Nur / Apocalypse: Oscar Isaac
Moira Mactaggert: Rose Byrne
Peter Maximoff / Quicksilver: Evan Peters
Col. William Stryker: Josh Helman
Jean Grey: Sophie Turner
Scott Summers / Cyclops: Tye Sheridan
Alex Summers / Havok: Lucas Till
Kurt Wagner / Nightcrawler: Kodi Smit-McPhee
Angel: Ben Hardy
Psylocke: Olivia Munn
Ororo Munroe / Storm: Alexandra Shipp
Jubilee: Lana Condor
Horseman – Pestilence: Warren Scherer
Horseman – Famine: Rochelle Okoye
Horseman – Death: Monique Ganderton
Horseman – War: Fraser Aitcheson
Lead Conspiracy Guard: Abdulla Hamam
Conspirator Guard #1: Hesham Hammoud
Conspirator Guard #2: Antonio Daniel Hidalgo
High Priest: Al Maini
Old Apocalypse: Berdj Garabedian
Scott’s Teacher: Ally Sheedy
School Jock: Anthony Konechny
School Cheerleader: Emma Elle Paterson
Fight Announcer: Manuel Sinor
Defeated ‘Blob’: Giant Gustav Claude Ouimet
Electric Panel Guard: Lukas Penar
Mr. Summers: Ryan Hollyman
Mrs. Summers: Joanne Boland
Tab Girl: Erika Heather Mergl
Falafel Shop Owner: Nabeel El Khafif
Clan Akkaba Leader: Manuel Tadros
Clan Akkaba Disciple #1: Abanoub Andraous
Clan Akkaba Disciple #2: Aladeen Tawfeek
Magda: Carolina Bartczak
Nina: TJ McGibbon
Himself: Stan Lee
Herself: Joanie Lee
Foyer Student: Henry Hallowell
Fish Bowl Girl: Danielle Dury
Kissing Girl: Naomi Frenette
Kissing Guy: Aj Risi
Computer Guy: Raphael Dury
Darts Guy: Ian Rosenberg
Pizza Dog: Tauntaun
Student in Drapes #1: Mary-Pier Gaudet
Student in Drapes #2: Josh Madryga
Student in Drapes #3: Scott Cook
Table Surfing Student #1: Francis Limoges
Table Surfing Student #2: Tsu-Ching Yu
Logan: Hugh Jackman (uncredited)
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.
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