Millennial Railcard – The one thing 26 to 30-year-olds couldn’t buy today

Millennial Railcard
Millennial Railcard was the highest trending topic today on Twitter, but for a very particular kind of railcard: one that gives you substantial discounts on all your rail travel – one third, in fact. This is very useful if you use that particular type of public transport on a daily basis to get to work. As Jimmy Savile said in the ’80s, “This the age of the train!” Sadly, for him, it was also the age of many nefarious practices which have since come out in the press.

A potential 4.5 million men, women and aliens were promised to be able to buy such a card, but then the plan was revised down to a mere 10,000… and even then, when the website went live… it crashed again. Memes popped up showing anything from an excited Charlie Bucket, in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, having just received a railcard to Vincent Vega, from Pulp Fiction, bumbling around an empty server room at National Rail HQ. Most hated, however, was the grinning young woman (above) on the crashed website whose visage appeared happily behind the words declaring that you weren’t going to get your promised pot of gold. And the internet went nuts.

One wag dubbed she was a more hated woman than Thatcher for skimping on the product’s availability.

The company responsible even deleted one of their dumb tweets along the way, so thankfully, Timmy was here to lead the way!

Chris declared it a “Public Transport Hunger Games”.

And one for all the Simpsons fans…

Meanwhile, Harriet had the ideal solution, and was quite direct about it:

If you didn’t get a Millennial Railcard, don’t worry. As a middle-aged single man with no kids, I get used to having nothing given to me: no married couple’s allowance, no child benefit, and I’m too young for my pension. Actually, it’s not strictly true that I’m denied everything… I get free eczema.

Perhaps, instead, they should’ve promoted an offer with the scope of the ‘Two-Together Railcard’. That was about as popular as rugburn.

For those who didn’t get a Millennial Railcard, National Rail have a complimentary stock of free unicorns for you, left over from Vote Remain after all their crazy promises about why Brexit was a bad idea.

Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.


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