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Ash Attacks...

No.3: Jodie Marsh

Online: 21st March 2004

Warning: the following page contains the truth.

No shame.

It's bad enough to be Jordan, but it's even worse to not even be her and yet aspire to be her. Step forward Jodie Marsh.

Last year she was in the tabloids on a daily basis with almost everything hanging out, often falling out of nightclubs at 3am with a fake grin on her face. Clearly there was no shame as there was nothing she wouldn't do to get her face out there in terms of personal and promotional appearances.

However, can anyone actually explain what she was famous for? Yes, she first appeared on ITV's Essex Wives, but when her fifteen minutes of fame were up she then paused the stopwatch at 14:59 and no-one's intervened since.

She has absolutely no talent, but the slutty tabloids did nothing to discourage their photographers from taking her picture and sticking it in the papers far more often than was remotely necessary. However, you can only fool the people for so long and it looks like her time is finally up.

Earlier this year, she was due to appear on ITV's no-hoper tripe-fest I Think I'm A Celebrity... Where's My Career?, but then turned it down because it was... too Z-list for her(!)

What do you look like(?)

Around the summer of last year, Sky One broadcast a documentary about her, but again it told us nothing. It showed her going from one modelling assignment to another, whinging along the way about nothing, and living it up on daddy's yacht, so to speak, in their multi-million pound house. She wants for nothing, yet does nothing to win the crowd over.

More recently, she also became famous for going out with ex-Atomic Kitten squeeze Fran Cosgrave. Who? That one from Travis? No, that was Fran somethingorother, but this guy was an ex-minder for poncy boy-band Westloife.

After an endless relationship that was similarly shoved into the spotlight when we didn't care, we're now told that she has dumped him, since he was so useless in bed that he needed Viagra (are you sure the problem wasn't you and your ego, love?) and is having his baby. No doubt she'll shove her tot in the papers, or perhaps invite them to its birth.

Do us a favour, have an abortion and hope they botch the operation so you never have to bother us again.

Like a firework, Jodie Marsh burned at a constant intensity while manipulating the press all that time. Then she faded away, only to burst back with a disappointing flash (no pun intended), with the baby story, before finally disappearing for good. Well, let's hope she never shows her stupid cosmetically-shaped stuck-up nose again.

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Ash Attacks...

No.3: Jodie Marsh

Online: 21st March 2004

Warning: the following page contains the truth.

Page Content copyright © Ash, 2004.

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