Slaughterhouse Rulez comes across as being set at an old-time grammar boarding school, seemingly as anarchic as a St Trinians movie, but with the inference that not all of the pupils – at this mixed school – make it out alive.
Don (Finn Cole, above-right) is starting his first term, there, and has the hots for popular sixth-former Clemsie (Hermione Corfield, above-left) ever since he saw her picture in the prospectus. He’s set to share a dorm room with Willoughby (Asa Butterfield – Departures), for whom the vacancy has come about because of his previous roommate, Seymour. What’s the mystery about why he’s not there? I won’t say, but it’s pretty obvious when you watch the film.
I went to a grammar school, and they had four ‘Houses’ which were meant to compete against each other, and the whole thing was an absolute load of bollocks for people who care about that sort of thing. However, in this film, they’re split up as follows:
- Andromeda House is for girls
- Xenephon House is for brainboxes
- Olympus House is for jocks
- Sparta House is for… what’s left.
There’s a fracking company set up just down the road from the school, which may provide benefits to it, but also may cause it to fall into the ground. Either way, two of the men working for it are called Lambert and Butler, just like the cigarette brand (albeit only named as such in the subtitles and not in the cast list), and there’s weird creatures coming out of the sinkhole which has been created. They’ll pick off the pupils and others one by one, but rarely any of the key cast, so you care even less about them.
Given Simon Pegg and Nick Frost‘s involvement (which isn’t a huge lot), director Crispian Mills – in his directorial debut, whilst still being the frontman for ’90s band Kula Shaker (remember them? They haven’t been relevant for 20 years) – tries to make it look too much like an Edgar Wright film (eg. The World’s End), from time to time – a regular collaborator of Pegg and Frost, but it just shows you whose involvement is missing. Meanwhile, Margot Robbie gives little more than a cameo.
And I’ve seen better special effects on BBC Breakfast(!)
Overall, Slaughterhouse Rulez just rather washes over you, but just feels, pretty much, a completely pointless waste of time.
Picture and sound are fine, but as for the extras (aside from an audio description track if you care about those – which I don’t), they are… er… non-existent. Really?! Yeah, that’ll shift units. It’s like all the convenience of a digital downloaded movie, but with all the inconvenience of having bought one from the shop.
The menu is an oddity, as it’s just a static image with some generic music over it, rather than something from the film. There are subtitles in English only, and 16 chapters.
Running time: 104 minutes
Studio: Sony Pictures
Released: March 11th 2019
Picture: 1080p High Definition
Sound: DTS HD Master Audio 5.1, DTS 5.1, Dolby Digital 5.1
Subtitles: English SDH
Disc Format: BD50
Director: Crispian Mills
Producer: Charlotte Walls
Screenplay: Crispian Mills, Henry Fitzherbert
Story: Crispian Mills, Luke Passmore, Henry Fitzherbert
Music: Jon Ekstrand
Don Wallace: Finn Cole
Clemsie Lawrence: Hermione Corfield
Willoughby Blake: Asa Butterfield
Meredith Houseman: Simon Pegg
The Bat: Michael Sheen
Audrey: Margot Robbie
Woody: Nick Frost
Caspar De Brunose: Jamie Blackley
Kay: Isabella Laughland
Clegg: Tom Rhys Harries
Babs Wallace: Jo Hartley
Terrafrack Boss: Alex Macqueen
Wootton: Kit Connor
Matron: Jane Stanness
Poppet Chenvix-Trench: Hanako Footman
Yuri: Jassa Ahluwalia
Terrafrack Security: Bern Collaço
Minotaur: Ryan Oliva
Andromeda Girl / Kissing Couple: Lucy Appleton
Hargreaves: Max Raphael
Smudger: Louis Strong
Scholar Bartlett: Rohan Gotobed
Boy / Kissing Couple: Toby Cordes
Red Dreads: Neil Pendleton
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.