Thor: Love and Thunder begins with Gorr (an unrecognisable Christian Bale) struggling to get through a deserted landscape – and its subsequent sandstorm – with his daughter, until they point where salvation might just come along.
I will say that I could try to describe this opening in more details, but I’ve just given some basics because I had to look up the meat and potatoes once I’d got home… and it was still mostly gibberish.
However, maybe he should’ve been left where he started off, because his full title is Gorr the God Butcher, so he’s clearly going to cause a bit of bother for Thor et al.
This film is obviously paid for laughs, but not very good ones, as the plot’s incredibly lazy, and at one point, Thor says how he likes fighting and shouts, “HURRAH!”, sounding like he’s trying to ape Hugh Laurie as Prince George in Blackadder The Third.
However, there is actually some depth to the script in one capacity, because Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) is undergoing cancer treatment as she has Stage 4 cancer, and a limited time left to live, so is looking for one last chance to help her fellow mankind… and godkind, since for reasons I won’t bore you with, in due course, she becomes Mighty Thor, after getting to put together Mjölnir, Thor’s ex-hammer which split into a number of pieces and is now safely locked away on display, never to escape… maybe.
In the main, Thor’s plan to save everyone and everything is as well thought-through as one of Boris Johnson’s Tory party policies.
This includes a load of children in a cave for reasons I’ve forgotten about, the main one being Heimdall’s son, Axl (Kieron L Dyer), so-named because the soundtrack features a number of ’90s Guns N Roses tracks, including Welcome to the Jungle.
Initially, with an appearance from the Guardians of the Galaxy – including the lovely Mantis (Pom Klementieff), the main crew left to fight Gorr are Thor, Jane, Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson) – who’s now both a King and a lesbian, so maybe that’s a pronoun thing going on? I’ve no idea; and Korg (voiced by director Taika Waititi), who’s gay, so all the most immediate sexual orientations are catered for in the script.
To add a guest appearance to Thor: Love and Thunder, Russell Crowe appears in one scene as Zeus, but for some reason, despite being Greek, adopts an accent that sounds like Sacha Baron Cohen’s character, Borat.
This scene – as shown in the trailer – also leads to a moment when Chris Hemsworth is stripped naked, his bottom being seen from behind, with women in front fainting at glancing his John Thomas, and Valkyrie eating popcorn while enjoying the view, so to speak. Hence, it’s clear from Marvel that there’s no gender balance when it comes to the objectification of men, as well as the fact that it’s okay to show men’s nipples, but not female nipples.
I wanted to marry her after seeing that 😉
If there’s one thing in this film’s favour, at least it treats Jane’s cancer in a sensitive manner.
For the rest of it, while it passes two hours with about 30 minutes worth of script, it’s nothing I’d want to see again. It even tries to fill time by showing Valkyrie as having nothing better to due during a Thor-less time in her life by being a celeb, opening up a branch of Infinity Conez. Plus, I can’t see where the $250m budget was spent. Someone at Marvel has got a tax-evasion scam going here.
The Guardians of the Galaxy did improve things to a degree, since theirs are the better films in the series. Only worth 6/10 each, but they’re either great, or have large sections where nothing happens (I now expect the brains of all Marvel simps to enrage at this point)
Oh, and I understand Thor: Love and Thunder has 35 mins opened up to 1.90:1 if you watch it in IMAX, but that’s not worth the extra cost, and I hear the 3D is a bit crap, too, but Marvel have NEVER filmed in 3D. It’s all done in post-production. Top Gun: Maverick had around half opened up for the IMAX scenes to 1.90:1, while Doctor Strange 2 was like that for the whole film, and they actually made the effort for the 3D, like I expected.
Stupidly, 3D Blu-rays no longer come out, and Marvel never put the IMAX versions out, either. Those are exclusive to Disney+… which doesn’t bother with 3D, so if you missed IMAX 3D in the cinema, you’re shit out of luck!
At least, given that it’s a Marvel film and there’s always a post-credits scene, we were not going to be interrupted by the cleaning staff. And if you want the details of those pre-, mid- and post-credits scenes, check out the video above.
Running time: 119 minutes
Release date: July 8th 2022
Format: 2.39:1 (ARRIRAW (4.5K), Dolby Vision, Ultra Panavision 70 (anamorphic))
Director: Taika Waititi
Producers: Kevin Feige, Brad Winderbaum
Screenplay: Taika Waititi, Jennifer Kaytin Robinson
Based on Marvel Comics: Stan Lee, Jason Aaron
Music: Michael Giacchino, Nami Melumad
Thor: Chris Hemsworth
Jane Foster / The Mighty Thor: Natalie Portman
Gorr: Christian Bale
King Valkyrie: Tessa Thompson
Korg / Old Kronan God: Taika Waititi
Zeus: Russell Crowe
Sif: Jaimie Alexander
Peter Quill / Star-Lord: Chris Pratt
Drax: Dave Bautista
Nebula: Karen Gillan
Mantis: Pom Klementieff
Kraglin / On-Set Rocket: Sean Gunn
Groot: Vin Diesel
Rocket: Bradley Cooper
Miek: Carly Rees
Asgardian Stage Manager: Ben Falcone
Asgardian Stagehand: Suren Jayemanne
Asgardian Stagehand: Natasha Cheng
King Yakan: Stephen Curry
Habooska The Horrible: Bobby Holland Hanton
Axl: Kieron L Dyer
Dionysus: Simon Russell Beale
Infinity Conez Vendor: Luka Bale
Reviewer of movies, videogames and music since 1994. Aortic valve operation survivor from the same year. Running DVDfever.co.uk since 2000. Nobel Peace Prize winner 2021.